Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Broken Alarm!

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EarlyIt’s early Saturday morning and I’m up and ready to drive down to the car boot sale that I run every week. The only problem is that due to a new ‘Wake-Up-Early-Solution’, everybody else is awake too. This morning at the bootsale I shall hope to find a new alarm clock…

I’ve broken my alarm clock,
alas it’ll no longer ring,
I replaced the battery,
then threw out the bloody thing!
So now it’s gone for recycling,
along with a bottle of wine,
it may come back eventually,
something useful next time!
So this morning I relied,
on my iPad to do the biz,
so just after half-past-four,
it started to ring and burp and fizz!
I was awake and wondered,
what that noise could be,
by the time I had shut it up,
everyone was awake you see!

Have a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I hope you enjoy your Bank Holiday Monday, let’s hope for no traditional rain!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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New ‘Baldock’ Workshop!

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Carpentry1Yesterday I had to do some carpentry. Being an ardent fan of ‘New Yankee Workshop’, an American programme, where a bearded man in an apron has every piece of woodworking equipment and makes wonderful furniture, I was well up for the job of making two frames to hold car boot posters…

I went into the workshop,
on a carpentry mission,
I knew what I had to do,
but in an amateur position!
I picked up four rails,
that I’d used for fencing,
This was a piece of cake,
that’s what I was sensing.

I found an ancient saw,
a chisel rather small,
I put on my carpenters hat,
looked just like a fool!
Sawing, chiselling and screwing,
finally my job was done,
no unexpected injuries,
apart from a hammered thumb!

Carpentry2With massive apologies to my former school woodwork teacher. I broke your cardinal rule, I didn’t use a tenon saw and used a normal hammer with the chisel, also I had no set-square. I believe that merits a fail! However in my defence, it was a rush job and it proved once and for all that I’m not much of a carpenter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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April Snow!

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Snow3Yesterday lunchtime the heavens opened and a blizzard ensued near Baldock. Climate-change scientists rushed outside in excitement, while politicians in London blamed Europe and foreigners, proposing new taxation to counter this unusual occurrence…

There’s a blizzard outside of Baldock,
in April you wouldn’t believe,
that Climate Change is with us,
making doubters look naive.
There’s never been weather like it,
for the last million years,
lets go down to the bunker,
this confirms all our fears!
We must bring out new taxes,
that’ll sort it all out,
we’ll be back to having normal weather,
so long as we vote to come out!

Don’t panic Captain Mainwaring, it’ll be gone in a flash and we’ll be back to whatever weather nature throws at us!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Replacing a Fan Belt!

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FanbeltYesterday the JCB Loadall broke down. A red light appeared and after much searching of both brain and machine, I narrowed it down to a broken fan belt. Replacing it took longer than I had bargained for…

Red light appears on the dashboard,
a light I’ve not seen before,
look around for the operators manual,
It’s behind the seat on the floor!

Open the bonnet (a foreign country),
an engine much bigger than a car,
a fan belt hangs limp off its pulleys,
ring the dealer, will fetch it, not far.

Alec in the stores knows the part,
“we’ve one of those on the shelf”
my wonderful wife goes to fetch it,
“why can’t you go and fetch it yourself?”

I start to dismantle the safety guards,
I drop a spanner into the sump,
The exhaust is hotter than you realise,
burning skin aren’t I the chump!

The new belt squeezes behind the fan,
lever it on to both the pulleys,
stabbed my hand with an extra long screwdriver,
screwdriver snaps (came from Woolies!)

Reassemble the engine compartment,
putting back the final guard,
Step right back to admire my handy work,
the second belt’s still in the yard!

With many thanks to Alec and all the crew at Oliver Landpower, Wandon End, Luton. How they must groan when I ring!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

 

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High-Rise Nesting!

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CGooseIt is strange how some events happen year on year until they become the norm. For the last five years, more and more Canada Geese have chosen to breed on the grass fields surrounding our wood. Nothing unusual there! However one goose is different to all the rest…

Mother Goose nests in the old oak tree,
as safe and secure as she can be.
Mr Fox curses you see,
no goose eggs for him for tea!

High-rise accommodation can have its benefits!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

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The Clumsy Farmer!

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Whoops1Yesterday was a busy day as we rushed around the fields spreading fertilizer. I only had one task, to make sure the spreader kept on the go by carting and filling it with large one-ton bags of fertilizer. When about to run out, the spreader would back up to the bags, suspended from the bag-lifter on the JCB Loadall arm, the bags would be split with a knife and the whole process would continue. However concentration can’t be lost…

The spreader backed up to the Loadall,
the sky was blue and bright,
the knife split the bags at the bottom,
I then adjusted the height.
I looked away for a moment,
lifted the bags once again,
I’d lifted them more than I ought to,
it spread over the side like rain!
Out came the brush and the shovel,
I cursed at myself (so did James!)
He suggested that I visit an opticians,
have an eye test, not just new frames!

Please can we keep it a secret between us, that my lack of concentration was due to taking the above photo!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The School Visit!

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School VisitThis week we had a school visit from a school in North London. The Year 3 pupils (7&8 year-olds) were very well behaved (as were the staff and parents who accompanied them!). Someone once described this sort of visit as ‘putting something back into the drawer’. I see it, not only as being great fun, but a chance to share what I am so lucky to see every day…

There are times in all our lives,
when we don’t appreciate surroundings,
I complain about the weather,
and make other grumbling soundings!
But when a school group,
comes onto the farm,
they bring joy and wonder,
never sense of alarm.

We major on enjoyment,
learning is a plus,
I’m amazed what I have learned,
when they’ve left upon the bus!
So value what you’ve got,
and then value it some more,
and pass it on to children,
put something back into the drawer!

With thanks to the children, staff and parents for visiting, please come again soon!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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From The Barn Roof (to the sea!)

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Ditch WaterfallThe other day I cleared a gutter on a barn. Later I watched water making a mini waterfall where a tree root crossed a ditch on the far end of the farm. From there on the ditch becomes a tributary for the River Beane. It set me thinking…

From the gutter to the downpipe,
from the downpipe to the drain,
from the drain to the ditch,
Flowing gently after rain.

From the ditch to the river,
from the river to the sea,
from the sea to the ocean,
That’s how it’s meant to be!

May life flow smoothly for you this week

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Bird-Scaring Drone!

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scary Drone!Since recently sowing acres of beans and oats, I have a problem. As a farmer it’s not my intention to provide a free takeaway to the varied bird population of North Hertfordshire. There are traditional methods of bird scaring from the small child with wooden spoon and saucepan, right up to today’s high-tech banger with gun and siren. However, thanks to a farmer up-north I can add drone or UAV…

The ‘effin pigeons sit and laugh,
when I get out my gun,
“You couldn’t hit an ‘effin barn door!”
as they munch my crops in the sun.
But then the dastardly farmer,
in defeat has gone back home,
and suddenly they’re very afraid,
rape alarms on the feet of his drone!
“Oh good heavens what is that?
the noise goes through my head!”
with a cough they all fly off,
to my neighbours crops instead!

With best wishes for April Fools Day and apologies to all my farming neighbours! Coincidently this also happens to be my 1,234th posting!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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When Cars Go Wrong!

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engineIt is frustrating when you have car trouble. Your pride and joy goes off to the garage for the same length of time and similar price to a long cruise and returns without a tan! My farm car broke down some time ago and had to suffer the indignity of a recovery truck. Since then she has been languishing in a shed with frequent caring visits from John, the mechanic…

My poor old Mitsubishi,
poorly for the last two months,
is now back on her feet again,
was her head or could be bumps!
She was to have her head skimmed,
another thou skimmed off,
or possibly a potion,
to help her shift her cough!
But in the end a new head,
with valves and tappets too,
I wish I could have a refit myself,
and return to twenty-two!

Many thanks to John for his skill and patience, also to all the well-wishers who sent flowers, cordial and grapes, she has made a full recovery and is back on the road.  
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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