Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Hazards of Droning!

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Fishing BoatFlying a drone, or UAV, is easy when you know how and have had good training. However flying it safely is not as easy as crashing the machine! I am getting better at the former and improving when it comes to the latter! However I’m by no means out of the woods yet…

The
drones
greatest
enemies
are
waiting
around
the
corner
to
attack
you!

They
are
inexperience
and
gravity
but
not
necessarily
in
that
order!

Thanks to Sion and Daniel from RUSTA, I’m a safer flyer now! Good training is the key to accomplished flying! Stay safe out there!
www.uastraining.com

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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‘Cleardy-uppy’ Time!

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Loadall tidyI am constantly being told off by my 3-year-old granddaughter, even when I have her best interests at heart. The other day when I suggested that if she was not careful she might hurt herself on a toy, the retort (with raised eyebrows) was a very sarcastic “Yes Captain!”  Unfortunately her disgust has spread out into the farmyard…

When looking into the Loadall cab,
(after my daily rhyme),
My granddaughter said while shaking her head,
“It’s ‘Cleardy-uppy’ time!”

She made me brush the loader floor,
it was “a disgrace!”
The junk on the dash-board I call my ‘work-hoard’
was totally out of place!

Now the cab is tidy,
nothing on the floor,
no string to hold my trousers up,
or fasten the loose cab door!

I’ve been warned about an inspection, so I must get up to the yard and remove my flask, gloves, high-vis jacket, Gaffer tape, ‘How to Farm’ instruction book, sweet papers and everything else from one mornings work!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Early Morning Spread!

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FertThis morning I’m out of bed at the same time as a proper farmer! James is coming to help spread fertiliser on the wheat. There are two reasons for doing this now: firstly the wheat is desperately in need of food after a mild winter eating up its reserves, and secondly the ground is spongy and we’d not be able to travel without a frost. So here’s hoping we don’t disturb the neighbours…

I’m up before the lark,
outside there’s frost and dark,
fertilizer spreading I will go,
in the hope the crops will grow!
So if you see strange lights,
and suddenly think “Oh Cripes!”
It could be me you know,
definitely not a UFO!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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No Way!

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No WayWhen were you last affected by stimuli so strong that it left you breathless? Have you ever had such a moment? It could have been a smell, a taste or even a song that takes you back in time…

The other morning, just before dawn, I was cultivating a field called Mullygrubbs next to the road. The radio was playing second fiddle to the throaty exhaust of the large rubber-tracked John Deere tractor as it worked at full power to pull the deep cultivator through the frosty soil.
Suddenly I half-heard a song that I thought I recognised. I turned up the volume and was immediately whisked back to the early Seventies.
The location of the memory, a small market town in Wiltshire where I was in school, doing a paper-round, failing O’Level examinations, working on a building site and cycling around with a transistor radio taped to the handlebars of my bicycle!
However the track played was not an oldie, but a recently released track with a distinctly retro feel that for a 60 yr old farmer, hit the spot better than chocolate, wine gums or even a perfect latte.
By the time the song was over and forgotten memories had been remembered, tears were streaming down this old mans face and the straight lines made by the cultivator had been abandoned.
So if you are travelling along the country road out of Baldock and notice some distinctly wonky cultivation, don’t blame me, just listen to Gilbert O’Sullivan’s latest hit ‘No Way’ and maybe you’ll understand.

With grateful thanks to Gilbert O’Sullivan for making my magic happen! Have a great weekend and I wish you magic moments too.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Broken near Baldock!

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SibdiscOn Monday morning there was a frost. This is only the fifth frost we’ve had this year. For the last few weeks I have been attempting to do some cultivating so I can plant Spring crops. Unfortunately not only has the weather contrived to disappoint me but so has a machine…

In with the cultivator in the dark,
gear set to drive rather than park,
floodlights illuminate wherever I go,
Frost is on the ground (they forecast snow!)
Glance over my shoulder somethings wrong,
turn off the radio silence the song,
the serrated discs are not turning round,
soil has built up, made a groove in the ground.
Out with the spud to spade off the earth,
can’t see what’s wrong for what it’s worth,
back to the shed fire up the welder
mend a bracket that I’ll call Imelda!
My welding looks good I want to shout,
get back to the field the frost has come out!
return to the barn feel a little sorrow
put the tractor away try again tomorrow!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Memory of a Mother

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snowdropsYesterday afternoon it was bright but with a definite chill in the air. Walking through the woods behind the farm I came upon a patch of snowdrops, planted many years ago by my mother…

There’s a small reminder,
at this time of year,
that my mother left behind,
to remind us she was here.
Her birthday was last Wednesday,
102 she would have been,
now she rests in the churchyard,
her epitaph this snowdrop scene.

It’s rather fitting that my 1,200th posting should be in memory of my mother. To all mothers out there, have a great day and thank you for everything you do.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
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The Dangers of a Frost!

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CultivatingDo you ever have one of those days when you realise after a while you should have stayed in bed? This morning I should have done just that. Instead, even though my morning had been shot down in flames, I continued wading through the mire…

I opened the curtains,
the lawn was white with frost,
I put on my warm coat
Out to the yard to go deep cultivating.

I started the tractor,
Frost obscured any view,
Back to the house for de-icer
Windows now clear
Steamed up inside
Find rag and clear steam
Drive up yard
Anti-theft cultivator blocks track
Back to house for keys to barn
Forklift refuses to start
Find jump leads
Remove grain bucket from loader
Fit forklift tines
Move obstructing cultivator
Notice wearing point has fallen off deep cultivator
Fetch hammer
Lie under cultivator to re-attach point
Hit hand with hammer
Swear
Hit head on steel cultivator beam
Swear again
Drive to field with sore head and hand
Frost almost gone
Do four lengths of field
Block discs on cultivator
Unblock by hand
Return to farm
Lock tractor in shed!

It’s when you hit hand and head,
just be sensible and return to bed!

Have a great day and be careful out there!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Clean Sweep!

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SweepingMy old boss used to say, “You can always find something to do on a farm, even if it’s sweeping the yard!” I seem to have driven a brush far more during recent weeks than a tractor. I have swept the barn so many times that I shall soon have to be like Trig in ‘Only Fools and Horses’ and require a new broom…

The great thing about sweeping,
it lets your clogged mind wander,
as time stretches before you,
not something you can squander!

You sweep, sweep, sweep,
with rythmatic ease,
your mind is far away,
in Malta or Belize!

Suddenly you’re finished,
it catches you with surprise.
only then you understand,
dust can clog your eyes!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Drone-Destroyer Denzel!

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Denzil's Destroyed DroneThe media is excitedly awaiting more dastardly drone stories. Hardly a day goes by when the competence of operators or pilots is not called into question. Having taken time, money and effort to become qualified, I can appreciate the vast difference between serious fliers and those ‘Just-out-of-the-box Johnnies.’ The one mercy is that these things have one-thousand-and one ways of self-destructing when used by the incompetent (and sometimes me!). Trees and buildings rather than planes are the drones enemy…

Denzel the Drone Destroyer,
is in need of an excellent lawyer,
he unboxed the drone,
flew it at home,
the cat looks as if shaved by Goya!

He took it out to the park,
flew it around in the dark,
said “oh dear me!”
when it hit a tree,
the bill for repair’s left its mark!

When it finally returned from repair,
“from now on I shall take more care,”
his wife sued for divorce,
when it veered off course,
and tangled itself in her hair!

Now banned from flying inside,
went to the countryside for a ride,
didn’t set ‘home’,
for Baldock (or Rome!)
so it’s flown back to China (or tried!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Engagement Parties and Terriers!

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Mali backLast night Mrs Bard and I went out to an engagement party in the next village. It was great fun and despite not expecting to be out long, time flew and before we knew it, it was way past my bedtime! This morning my dog is still annoyed that we were so late…

My dog has turned her back on me,
she’s not happy as you can see!
We stayed out until late last night,
she declared “it’s not right!”
Turned her back and with a titter,
“could have hired a baby-sitter!”
Now this morning things are better,
she’s by the Aga lying on my sweater!

Best wishes to Cherry and Matt for a wonderful future together. Make the most of your time as two, as one day you may find yourselves with a demanding dog!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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