Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Space Saver!

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There is a Welsh legend that in the early days of motoring a Welshman had the idea of carrying a spare wheel in case of punctures. From then on he was known by the name ‘Stepney Spare-Wheel’. Fast-forward to yesterday and his antecedent ‘Sven Space-Saver’ was the target of my angst when I discovered a flat tyre…

Bloody Sven and his poxy space-saver wheel,
bet he never changed one for real,
everything hidden under piles of shopping,
designed to make the moment heart-stopping.
Once you’ve found yourself a jack,
(about as much use as a bent toast-rack),
then you remember the locking stud,
thank heaven’s it’s dry without any mud.
Finally you replace the wheel with the spare,
50 miles an hour to drive anywhere,
you stand back to admire your skill,
“What shall I do with the punctured wheel?”
It won’t fit in the spare-wheel well,
the dirt will make the shopping smell.
So thanks a lot Sven for the space you save,
you’ll make Stepney Spare-Wheel spin in his grave!

Have a god day and I do hope you avoid a puncture.
Thanks to Baldock Tyres for promptly repairing the puncture so I could hide the space-saver until the next time!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Harvest Fire

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This picture illustrates every farmer’s nightmare this year, a harvest fire.
Yesterday we noticed a column of smoke rising from our neighbours farm. I got the cultivator out of the nettles and headed off to help.
When I arrived at the scene I was greeted by the sight of ten fire engines and crews, farmers who had abandoned their harvest and brought along tractors and cultivators and even local gamekeepers towing water bowsers behind their quad bikes. Others had just turned up to weald fire-beaters or help where they could.
In a previous life I studied disaster management, I learned that all situations require a modicum of luck: Yesterday the wind was only at 1-2mph, considering how recently the wind has blown, this could be called miraculous.

But what I shall always remember is how seeing the emergency crews in action reminded me just how we rely on the men and women of our Fire Service in times of need. They are always there for us. It was also refreshing to be reminded that even out in the sparsely populated countryside, the local community pulls together in times of need.

All those who helped deserve a Gold Star!

Stay safe out there, today and always.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The One-Cat Protest!

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Whenever my daughter and her family pack their motorhome for a few days break, their cat, Min, stages a one-cat-protest. It’s as if she’s been listening in to their conversations and is determined to disrupt their get away or even stowaway…

“They are going to climb into that tin house with wheels,
and leave me behind they don’t know how it feels,
I have used many novel ways in the past,
this one might be effective at last!
I shall sit upon the step by the door,
trip them up so they drop their clothes on the floor,
then when they think I’m back in the house,
I’m in the camper van as quiet as a mouse.”

“…But then I purr, I might as well wail
and I’m out on my ear – yet another fail!”

Have a great weekend and if you’re travelling check for feline stowaways!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


 

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Farmer With Altitude!

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My neighbour John harvesting next to the A505 at Baldock

I’m going to hit the next person who asks if I’m enjoying retirement. That is unless they are taller than me, are wearing glasses, are female, were born with an ‘r’, ‘a’ or ‘u’ in the month, have over size 4 shoes, work on a farm or play rugby (other terms and conditions may apply at any time!) I admit I am difficult to live with at the moment as not doing harvest for the first time for 44 years is frustrating. However I now spend my time chasing combines with my drone instead…

Local farmers now complain,
Not about dust or even rain!
They all say “you’re retired now,
No more combine no more plough!
I suppose you want to fly your drone,
And watch us getting our harvest home?”
I say , “I really don’t mind if I do!”
Although if truth be told that’s not true.
But I’m a ‘Farmer With Altitude’ now,
With no harvest, no cultivation’s, not even a cow!
If you’re enjoying retirement I’m very pleased for you, just keep those furry slippers away from me!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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It’s All In The Photo!

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The other day I was asked by a local farmer to survey one of his fields with my trusty drone. I was hoping to find any evidence of land drains that might show up in this drought. I overflew the field for over 40 minutes and began to feel a failure when I could see no evidence on the monitor. Back in my office I started to stare at the high-definition pictures praying for some sort of success in order to save face! I then remembered a story that an elderly friend told me back in the mid-eighties about his war-time experience with an aerial photograph…

In 1944, just before ‘D Day’, Andrew, a young inexperienced officer in the Engineers, was asked to deliver a package to the Photo Reconnaissance department. He was shown into a room and told to wait. On a large table there was a massive black and white aerial photo of a main-line railway track leading to a large junction. As a teenager, Andrew had spent his summer holidays in the West Country, as a bored only child he had been befriended by the local stationmaster who had taught him about railways, not just in the UK, but also on the continent. Out of interest he began to look at the photo. Suddenly he noticed something odd, various bridges had been removed and one of the tracks had recently been moved to allow a greater distance between the up line and the down line. What he’d noticed was the alteration of the rail network in northern France in order to accommodate Rommel’s Tiger tanks on their way to where the Germans thought the Allies would invade – the Pas Du Calais. This also proved that the propaganda had been successful and accepted by the Germans as fact. He was immediately posted to intelligence, where he spent the rest of the war, in his words: “Looking at photographs!”

Andrew taught me that in photographs the evidence is always there to see, you just have to see it! I remembered Andrew as I sat starring at pictures from 400ft of a field and very slowly lines began to emerge and they weren’t tractor wheel marks!
Thank You Andrew.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Very Special Delivery!

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Saturday was a truly golden day for our JCB Fastrac tractor, she was delivering a very precious cargo to a venue between Hitchin and Letchworth. Paul, (the father of bride Emma) looked after our pigs until the mid-eighties and he, Jen his wife, Andrew, Mandy, Mark and Emma lived in a cottage down the road. Emma is an A&E nurse and was an absolutely gem when my mother died. Like so many in our wonderful NHS, she was so caring and made all the difference at a very difficult time. Wild horses wouldn’t have denied me the honour of driving her to her wedding…

Emma got married Saturday morning,
Oh Wow! The sun is gonna shine!
A deciding factor,
She’s going on the tractor!
Gotta get her to the venue on time!
…with many apologies to lyricist Alan Jay Lerner who wrote ‘I’m getting married in the morning’ from the show My Fair Lady.
…and many thanks to Emma and hubby Paul for letting me be a small part of their big day. Remembering with fondness Emma’s sister Mandy, who I’m sure was looking down on her family with pride and love.

Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

 

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History re-visited!

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I was photographing a historical site the other day that can be traced back 1000 years with my trusty drone (with 20thC drought-scorch and wheelmarks!). It’s amazing what detail a dry year can show. Some of the adjacent ponds (not shown in the picture) date back to Bishop Odo of Bayeux (William the Conqueror’s half-brother.) He is the only person to be in the Bayeux Tapestry twice, once sitting on Williams right hand and once exhorting the troops he supplied to fight harder….

The Bayeux Tapestry is coming back,
to Britain in a couple of years,
Old Bishop Odo will have his day,
again (or so it appears!).
I wonder what he’d have thought of my drone,
as it flew above his old land,
and whether his soldiers would have shouted ‘Alien’
or just hidden themselves in sand!
What would they have thought of planes in the sky?
of take-aways, burgers and that?
I bet they’d have troubles with their weight,
unable to fight – just too fat!
If they couldn’t fight William might have lost,
with Harold no arrow in his eye,
the French would have retreated back towards France,
all because of chips and steak pie!

With apologies to al historians for my take on accepted history!
Please blame the Guinness – I will!
Have a great weekend, stay safe and take care.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Angry Drone Pilot!

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As a qualified, licensed and insured drone pilot, I am fed up with news stories of near misses with aircraft, like one currently doing the rounds about a near miss with a military helicopter. These reflect badly on drone-flyers to those who skim-read articles in the media. The fact that most of these near-misses happen at between 700 and 2500 feet, when most drones (including mine) are limited by law and electronics to a maximum height of 400 feet, makes me hopping mad. My drones will not fly near an airport, so those who break the law should have the full weight of it crashing around their shoulders.

My rant is over,
my anger spent,
over a near-miss,
was it Surrey or Kent?
I always worry,
when I hear a chopper,
land my drone before,
it becomes a cropper.
But most of the time,
it flies with ease,
over pastoral scenes,
and avoiding trees!
Neighbouring farmers,
have been heard to moan:
“What’s that noise?
– only Simon’s drone!”


Have an enjoyable day and if you hear a noise like an irritated swarm of bees, it may just be my drone!
Stay healthy, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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A Robot in the Field?

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This week I went to a conference/demonstration about soil and alternative methods of farming called Groundswell. I was wandering around looking at the trade stands when I had a ‘Wow, Look At That!’ moment. I was given a glimpse into the future…

I met a lady who has robots,
Tom, Dick and Harry by name,
and if what she told me is half correct,
it’ll change the future farming game.

Tom monitors the soil and the crops,
While feeding and weeding Dick roams,
it’s Harry who plants and drill the seeds,
while Wilma’s control them from homes!

Behind every good farmer is a farmer’s wife
Behind every good robot is a Wilma!

I also heard a great relevant story.
Many years ago a farmer had the first tractor arrive on his farm. The horse-keepers were not happy as this ‘dirty, smelly, and noisy thing’ started ploughing far quicker than their horses could. They grumbled amongst themselves. However the tractor got stuck in a notoriously wet part of the field and had to be pulled out by horses. Once rescued, one of the horse-keepers said to the others, “I told you so. Them tractor-things will never catch on!”
The Small Robot Company can be found at https://www.smallrobotcompany.com
Groundswell is a great annual event https://groundswellag.comHave a great day and stay safe.
You’d also better get used to AI and Algorithm, they are becoming a large part of our future.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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