Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The School Run (repeat)!

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It is about 14 years since I last did the morning school run. This morning I am taking my granddaughter to nursery school about five miles away. In the countryside the school run almost always involves a car. So I’m off to brave the traffic, wish me luck…

I’m off once more,
To do the school run,
haven’t done it for years,
This should be fun!
I used to take,
my daughter and her brother,
to get them in the car,
I’d rely on their mother!
One day I said:
“I will go alone!”
before realisation,
no point in leaving home!
But this is different,
a ‘one-off’ is quite cool,
taking my little granddaughter,
along to nursery school!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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Cold Calling!

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I am being plagued by cold callers at the moment. So much so that I am beginning to ignore those whose number shows as being withheld. Having answered yet another cold call my concentration is shot and not only have I wasted the time the call took but my blood pressure has risen…

I rushed to the phone,
just got there in time,
another cold caller,
on the end of the line.

Did I want a change,
of telecomms supplier?
superb double glazing?
or ornate fake-log fire?

He asked me if,
I was having a nice day,
I replied that I would be,
if he’d simply go away.

The only calls I welcome
From folk who want to chat,
I’d disconnect the line,
if it wasn’t for that!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Shoot to Kill Policy

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Shoot to KillThere is much talk in the wake of the Paris attacks about ‘what, if and how’ a similar outrage would be treated on London streets. Debate is good, however it is not the time to have reasonable discussion. Here on the farm we are not allowed to have rats. Following a poison control failure I have had to introduce a ‘shoot to kill’ policy…

I taped a torch to my gun,
and went to where the rats do run,
no rodent rights in my head,
my only aim to shoot them dead.
One appeared gave me the finger,
not much longer did it linger,
I raised the gun loosed off a round,
a rodent terrorist fell to the ground.
No debate neither fun,
just an action that had to be done.

We should fully support our police and armed forces who risk their lives allowing us to sleep safely in our comfortable beds.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Three Visiting Hens!

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3 HensWe have three hens staying at the farm. I realise that most people have just human visitors, but regular readers will know that there is not much normal on this farm! These guests are easy to please, have no complaints and don’t engage in lengthy conversations at breakfast time…

Three visiting hens are contented,
grateful for breakfast wheat,
no complicated agendas,
to make their lives complete.

They have no need for credit card,
no pocket for loose change,
they’ve never seen a bank manager,
would think a mortgage strange!

They’ve never heard of television,
news comes not from a box,
religion is unfamiliar,
only terrorist is a fox!

They know not of politicians,
not lies, not war, not hate,
their only overriding fear:
avoidance of human plate!

Best wishes from the three guests! Here’s hoping that your day is as uncomplicated as theirs (wouldn’t that make a change!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Blame Game!

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When was the last time you broke something? Was it one of those silly moments when the breakage could have been avoided? When fertiliser arrives on the farm in one-tonne bags a lack of concentration can be serious. I was careless and broke a cladding sheet in the barn while stacking the bags with the JCB Loadall. It will be difficult to replace as it is heavy, awkward and in a very inconvenient place. The worst part is that there is no one else to blame…

I’ve a new window up in the barn.
While stacking fertilizer looked up with alarm,
I had heard a very large crack,
Now daylight was seen at the back!
It’s there now for all to see,
“Yes!” you’ll all know that it was me,
In future I’ll surely know,
steady with big bags to go!
Broken CladdingIt must be great to be able to blame others, however when there is never anyone else around it is not impossible but difficult!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Baldock Bombardment!

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All over this weekend in the UK the predominant night-time sound has been that of fireworks. Last night they reached such a crescendo of sounds that I’d expect were reminiscent of a war zone. I had never experienced such a bombardment…

Sounds like Letchworth,
and Baldock are at war,
Sunday night explosions,
not heard before.
The night sky lights up,
with a thousand cannon flashes,
as both sides engage,
in more fiery clashes.
I race for the car,
to film for networks,
drive over the hill,
Phew! Only fireworks!

Please take a moment from your day to think of those who hear these sounds and know they are not fireworks but the sound of war. 

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Nature’s Climbers!

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While splitting logs with the log-splitter the other day I noticed that I was no longer alone. I stopped work and gazed in amazement at a team of climbers who had no ropes, no hard hats and not an ounce of high-vis between them…

Health and safety doesn’t exist,
when wood-lice scale their wooden cliffs,
up they run right to the top,
not even for a breather stop!
Then there’s a crack, lo and behold:
they never miss a single foothold,
as before them a challenge new,
another climb before the day is through!
When faced with a new challenge, remember the woodlouse and power through! Have a great weekend. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Not Taking Terns!

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TernsUnlike in humans, where greed is deplorable, in nature it’s often a means of survival. Recently on the river, my 3-year-old granddaughter threw some stale bread for the ducks. The resultant melee would have done justice to a saloon in the Wild West…

Like diners at an ‘all you can eat buffet’,
the terns fought over our bread,
no ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon my manners’
but fighting and squawking instead!

“Why are they fighting?” she asked me,
“They’re greedy for food,” I replied,
they reminded me of hotel guests,
queuing for their hot breakfast fried!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Launch Invitation!

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SupercarSelling a commodity is never a precise art. Here on the farm I use a co-operative called Fengrain to sell my wheat for me as I am a grower not a seller! I guesstimate my crop in January, work out when my cash-flow needs life-saving injections and the professionals do the rest! They are able to sell through the year and I am able to relax a little. This year, in a time of rock-bottom prices not seen since the early-Eighties they have so far sold at levels beyond my wildest hopes…

My cash-flow sighed with contentment,
when the money came in from the wheat,
it wasn’t the best of the last years,
but for this year was a real treat!
We have grown used to advertising,
tailored on Facebook and Twitter,
in my case it is many drone-things,
and ways of getting much fitter!
But I wasn’t expecting the postman,
to anticipate better prices so far,
by delivering an invitation,
for the launch of a Porsche supercar!

…Thanks to Fengrain for making my wheat values so much better, but I’m sorry to disappoint you Mr Porsche, they aren’t that good!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Lesson of the Leaning Poles!

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At work do you ever get a ‘Tractor-Driving’ moment? You are sitting at a desk (or similar), working on auto-pilot, and your mind wanders so far off target that when you ‘return’ to the job in hand you shock yourself. There are obviously times when this is unadvisable (e.g. if you drive for a living or are a chef with knives), but on certain jobs I find such moments unavoidable…

I was mowing yesterday,
topping grass not making hay,
when my mind went for a walk,
even ignored the radio squawk!

When I came back ‘into the room’,
(soundless entry, not a zoom!),
electric poles there were a-sway,
had I hit them whilst away?

Looking from the tractor seat,
I’d missed them by quite some feet,
I let out a most relieved sigh,
and gave thanks to the One on High!

…and vowed never to do that again. I’d learned a valuable lesson that will be avoided next time by paying attention!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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