Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

Autumn Colours from the Air!

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Flying my UAV (drone) above a newly-planted crop of wheat the other day I noticed some amazing colours in the background. Yesterday, after a damp start, the sun made an appearance and I dashed up to the wood behind the farm. I was not disappointed…

Autumn is here in the wood,
a vast range of colours to delight,
but all to soon the hues are gone,
colours become as black as night.

But then in Spring
green shoots will appear,
as trees celebrate,
yet another year!

And man will dash,
and work and rest,
not seeing nature’s,
colours are best!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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The Power Cut!

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power cutThis morning, at just after seven, the lights went out. We had a power cut. Ringing the power carrier (like Aquarius but with volts), I was informed by a distended voice that she knew about the fault in my area, it was probably due to the effect of heavy rain on underground cables and that everything would be back to normal very soon…

There’s no electric,
we’re in the dark,
no hot drinks,
the choice is stark!
Such a nice lady,
other end of the phone,
dealing with it personally,
on her own!
She wears high-vis,
everyone can see,
she’s down the hole,
mending the wire for me!

…Don’t go beserk,
with UK Power Network,
by half-past-nine,
…all was fine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Toy Kitchen!

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StereotypeRecently Mrs Bard and I went shopping to a large warehouse with our granddaughter. As a reward for tedious time locked in the trolley she spent time exploring the toy section. Apart from her delight at anything dressed in that hideous blue from a certain ‘Cold’ film, she didn’t seem very interested until we reached a full-size kitchen set…

“A kitchen,” she cried with obvious glee,
“just the place for Baby and me,
I can make her wonderful food,
to satisfy her every mood!”

I was about to say…
“Look at that tractor!”
When I realised,
gender was a factor!
…and I wouldn’t dare suggest such a choice, as at three, she is already very strong-willed!


© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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60 Not Out!

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SixtyI am 60 today. Apparently, according to some junior reporter for a national newspaper who has just eschewed nappies for ‘Y’ Fronts and has column inches to fill, this is the new 40. If it is, and I very much doubt it, why does my back hurt whenever I sweep a bin, crawl under a machine or spend more than an hour in a tractor seat?

I am 60,
Fuuuuuck!
Where did the years go?
Was it really that long ago,
That I was at school,
at college,
at my wedding,
at two births?

‘Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to her?’
phrases I seem to have
seldom used
as for some strange reason
friends have remained
and few have strayed.

So the answer to life
is to collect friends
in the same way
you’d collect
diamonds
precious
stones
or rare
plants,
keeping them
in a very safe place
well nourished
and watered!

Thank you friends
for being…
…friends!

P.s the answer to a long and happy marriage is obvious – Do like I did and marry your best friend (34 years and still Mrs Bard hangs onto this idiot!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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No Need for a Cork!

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Sloe GinAccording to ‘Lifestyle Advisors’, larders in houses are making a comeback. Naturally, being ahead of the game, we’ve always had one. Unfortunately a larder also becomes the harbourer of antiquated tins, that unidentifiable and undrinkable bottle friends brought back from a foreign holiday and enough bags for life to see me into my 209th year. Some things once discovered cannot be ignored…

I found a bottle of Sloe Gin in the larder,
Thought to myself ‘just a taste’,
The liquid the smoothest of flavours,
Within no time was rat-faced!

I struggled to push back the stopper,
The cork I had wouldn’t fit,
To make room I had another glassful,
Tasted better the second hit!

I really had no other option,
But to empty every drop to my glass,
I drained the last from the bottle,
Then spectacularly fell on my ass!

I lay on my back like a fly-sprayed,
On my chest an empty bottle,
I don’t think Mrs Bard was amused,
As my neck she started to throttle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Full Day!

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UAV showOnce in a while I oversleep. Normally when I’ve stupidly tried to cram too much into my day. Yesterday was one of those days: I was out rolling long before daybreak, at ten o’clock I drove to EdeCel in East London for the UAV (drone) show and by half past three was back on my tractor until darkness fell. Something had to give way…

I’m sorry I’m late
My bed wouldn’t release me
It held me hostage
No ransom demands were sent
No payments made
And before I knew it
I was late

So it’s not my fault
You’ll have to speak
To my warm pillows and duvet
It’s their fault
Not mine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

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JCB RollingHere I am, up at the crack of dawn once again. There is no car boot sale, the warm bed I’ve just left is still inviting and it’s pitch black outside. The problem is that we’ve nearly finished planting wheat, the seedbeds need compacting (just like the household staff prepare your bed in a hotel!) and rain is on the way…

Rolling, rolling, rolling,
is what I did last night,
rolling, rolling, rolling,
under the tractor’s light!

Wildlife ignored me,
“What’s he up to now?
in the dark he’s normally absent,
Except sometimes with the plough!”

I’ve got to get it finished,
before it comes to rain,
and then the fields at night,
can be peaceful once again!

Have a great day, sorry about the noise last night!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Late Tomato Harvest!

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TomatoYesterday a friend proudly showed me his tomato plants. Unfortunately mid-October is a little late for ripening them outdoors. I predict chutney making…

Our friend Alex has grown tomatoes,
proud of his horticultural skill,
it’s a shame that they won’t ripen,
Eating them now could make him ill.
However he’s not at all disheartened,
not erratic or even fickle,
“A great success” or so he says,
Monday morning he’ll make pickle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Fast Food for Birds!

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SunflowersPart of my conservation agenda on the farm is to encourage wildlife, especially birds. We have ground nesting plots and pollen and nectar plots all designed to enhance the farm’s environment. This year my greatest success is my bird feeding plot. I decided to add sunflower seeds to the over-winter feeding plot, and what a difference it’s made to a normally dull and drab corner of the farm…

A corner of the farm,
is a glorious blaze of colour,
where in past years,
It has been much duller!
Sunflowers stand up proudly,
almost defying words,
I have taken to calling it,
my burger-bar for birds!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Confucius He Say…!

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Drill 4Good old Confucius left a whole host of sayings when he shuffled off his mortal coil. We all have our favourites, mine being: ‘May you live in interesting times’. Unfortunately when he wrote this, he didn’t say whether he meant good or bad times. At the moment we are planting wheat with an uncertain future. All commodity prices are on the floor and there is little confidence amongst food producers. However, despite this uncertainty, I find these are also exciting times as we farmers constantly re-evaluate everything in our fields. Maybe Confucius was right…

We’re planting wheat,
they forecast rain,
I wish they’d keep it,
back in Spain!
This time last year,
we’d shut the gate,
this year’s plantings,
a trifle late.
We’re also loading,
wheat from the barn,
worth bugger-all,
cause for alarm.
But what is this?
in high street shops,
massive mark-ups,
on all their stocks.
I’m not saying,
“I don’t care”
but at least I’m vertical
and breathing air!

Thank you Confucius; Happy Days!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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