The Teaspoon of Life!

Posted on August 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Is your glass half full or half empty this morning? Chances are that if you’re a farmer looking out onto damp fields you might think the latter while reality suggests the former! I was moping about worrying about damp crops still in the field when suddenly I remembered that there was a large heap of dry grain in the barn, tipping out the washing-up-bowl also brought good news, so it looks like it’s going to be a good day…

There’s always a teaspoon left in the sink,
Just shout ‘Hurrah!” and make yourself a drink!
While you’re waiting for the kettle to boil,
Think of a positive in your daily toil.
If there’s no positive or none you can think,
At least you’ve an extra teaspoon found in the sink!

Have a great day and watch out for those lucky teaspoons in your life!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Dolly Worries About Her Mummy!

Posted on August 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Dolly the horse lives at the farm. Her ‘mummy’, Charlotte, swam the Channel a year ago. Dolly wondered what she’d do next. Last weekend it was Paris, however as expected, not the easy way…

Dolly was in a trance
When Charlie swam to France
“They do have ferries
As hedgerows have berries
She’s led me a merry dance!”

“This year to Paris she went
With a bicycle but not a tent!
Could have gone by car
or Eurostar!
But cycled with charitable intent”

“What is she next to do?
Hang-glide in darkest Peru?
I would be frantic
If she rowed the Atlantic
What’s a poor horse to do?”

If you are feeling generous please support the riders who are raising money for the Willow Foundation. It’s really easy! Text XBES62 £5 to 7070 or click this link to donate http://www.justgiving.com/Passport-Peleton?utm_id=26
Please donate – Dolly says Thank You!

Harvest (at last)!

Posted on August 22, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Just as dust was drawing in last night we started harvest. The wheat was dry and ripe, the night was cool and off we went! Luckily the crop was dry and the temperature low enough to be tipped straight onto the floor of the shed. However none of us had expected such a late night…

Harvest has started,
the dust is here again,
that we don’t mind,
so long as it is not rain!
John is carting wheat,
to the store from the field,
and tipping it in the barn,
who knows about the yield?
Suddenly it’s late,
it’s after half-past-one,
We all should be getting sleep,
ready for tomorrow’s sun!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the sun, sorry about the dust but we’re in a hurry!

Baldock Bard 2015

My Car’s Cat Seat!

Posted on August 21, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I discovered my granddaughter’s cat sitting in her car seat. Unfortunately I was a few miles from home. Luckily I hadn’t yet parked, however the cat didn’t seem at all concerned or worried. Next time I won’t be leaving the door open as I dash back inside for forgotten things…

The cat is in the child seat
going for a ride,
with a bottle of drink,
(it’s quite warm outside),
I am off to fetch some parts,
for the large green plough,
don’t realise there’s a passenger,
until she shouts ‘miaow!’
Nearly have a heart attack,
in the middle of the town,
there’s only one action,
I have to turn around.
Next time I’m rushing,
jobs to complete,
I shall check the type of animal
in the car seat!

The Enormous Spanner!

Posted on August 19, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

For the last few days on the farm we have been preparing for a harvest that keeps being delayed by showers of rain. Those little last-minute jobs that should have been done when there was time have become Herculean tasks. You’d have thought that after all these years I would have learnt…

You don’t need a sledge-hammer to crack a nut,
or a dirty-great spanner when your watch goes ‘phut!’
When all seems as bad as it possibly can be,
it’s time to sit down with a nice cup of tea!
Step back from the problem and it’ll shrink,
Because nothing is insurmountable (or so I think?).

If anyone knows were I can buy a few warm dry days, please let me know. All the wholesalers around here are fresh out of them and the only ones left are dodgy second-hand ones on the Internet!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

No Dust Today!

Posted on August 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

We have had yet more rain overnight. Despite the path outside the farmhouse being dry now (04:35 Saturday morning!), it will be a couple of days before the crops are dry enough to harvest again. So the giant combines will stay silent (the picture of my neighbours combine was taken with my drone on Wednesday evening) for a couple of days, however there’s no peace for the wicked…

There’ll be no dust on the fields today,
no harvesting wheat or making hay!
This is August unless you forget,
all the crops are soaking wet.

But for those with vast spreading lands,
no chance to rest their busy hands,
no extra sleep from work non-stop,
they’re preparing ground for next year’s crop!

(the smaller farmer, who tells this tale,
is preparing to host a car boot sale!)

Have a great weekend and I’ll see you all on the other side!

Not A Harvest Morning!

Posted on August 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

If anyone had been here, just after 6am, they would have witnessed a gruesome view. An elderly farmer in pyjamas and wellingtons, ventured out to check the rain gauge! With two disgruntled terriers, he walked as far as the gauge, swore, tipped out the contents (narrowly missing a peeing dog), and headed back for a much-needed coffee…

It’s hardly a summer’s morning,
damp with mist in the air.
The farmer checks the rain gauge
there’s 20mm in there!
No need to rush to the combine,
the trailer can stay in the shed,
the dogs have had their morning walk,
and all can go back to bed!

The last line is pure fiction I’m afraid as I never seem to get to complete my ‘to do’ list.
I hope you all have a great weekend.

The Farmer’s Unusual Purchase!

Posted on August 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever been caught making an unusual purchase and had to fight to explain your way out of a tight situation? Yesterday I was caught buying two enormous bags of cat litter. No matter how hard I tried to explain my purchase I wasn’t believed…

“Why buy cat litter when you haven’t got a cat?
Two large bags, how strange is that?
No furry moggie to rub by your legs at night,
Or howl outside your window after a vicious cat fight!”
“No, we don’t have a cat!”

Unloading the bags into the grain store,
“Do you have a cat or what is that for?
It’s a very odd place to be storing cat litter,
I’ve not seen it around,” he said with a titter!
“No, we don’t have a cat!”

We had a slight flood at the bottom of the pit,
when I discovered the wet I said “Oh Dear!”
I pumped out the water into the drains,
Then down went the cat litter to soak up the remains.
“No, we don’t have a cat!”

Carrying the bags around is making me fitter,
we’ve enough pellets left for a very large litter!
I’m not really sure if I need another pet,
might have a word with the local vet!
“No, we don’t have a cat!”

Visitors to the farm say they haven’t seen a cat.
“If you haven’t got a cat why do you need that?”
I try to reason I try to explain,
Nobody believes me when I say it’s for the rain!
“I might borrow a cat and put an end to all this!”
The ‘pit’ in this instance is an underground area in the store that houses the bottom of the elevator and other hidden pipes and chutes. Not a place that you want to visit too often as it’s very dusty and can get damp leading to a perfect use for cat litter!

Oh to be a Farmer!

Posted on August 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There is a very nasty condition that affects almost all farmers. It comprises of an inability to drive in the countryside without looking over the hedge to see what other farmers are doing. In the mainly-arable East of England it is at its height at this time of year…

The Cherrys have their combine out,
So have other farmers.
The Crosses are harvesting,
and so are the Palmers!

I’d better dash home again,
to see if harvest is near.
Carry out a moisture test,
from grain rubbed from the ear!

No it isn’t ready,
combining I can’t go.
Strange there is no difference,
from an hour ago!

To be on the safe side I think I’d better check again as I can hear a combine in the distance…!

Child with Crow!

Posted on August 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Trawling through some photographs I came across one that I think of as ‘Child with Crow!’ It was taken not far from here about 55 years ago when a small child (dressed rather oddly compared to modern children’s attire) met a tame crow…

“Good morning, Mr Crow,
how are you?
Are you living comfortably?
Do you enjoy the view?”

“Good morning child,
learning to walk?
I’m sure you are surprised,
that I can talk!”

Tell me Mr Crow,
Do you have a family?
Are they in a nest,
in a nearby tree?”

“They’re patiently waiting,
for me to find them food,
so I must dash,
don’t mean to be rude!”

So off went the crow,
and the boy went for his tea.
How do I know this?
The little boy was me!

…and now I must dash to open the gates at the Baldock Saturday car boot sales or I shall be faced with many irate customers. Have a great weekend, see you next week!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life