Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Moon Above Baldock (and elsewhere!)

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Mr MoonYesterday evening the moon was visible from early on and it hung large and beautiful over the farm. I grabbed by Box Brownie and rushed outside in an attempt to capture it’s beauty. I’m from the point and squirt school of photography, so it was only later that I realised that by accident I had a good image…

There are no words to describe,
the beauty of something so far away,
that looks so close you could touch it…
…so I shan’t waste words but continue to stare!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Farmer’s Water Torture!

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Torture InstrumentIf you ever want to terrorise a farmer, wait until harvest-time and ask if he’s emptied the rain gauge yet! This year it would have a greater effect than normal as the weather has been inclement at just the wrong time. Too much rain when the ear is ready to be harvested, makes the grain think it’s time to grow and sprouting takes place. This is detrimental to both the value of the crop and the farmer’s health…

“How much rain have you had?”
“Don’t know I’ll take a look!”
I wandered out to the rain gauge,
Down the yard flowed a bubbling brook!

“Holey moley!” I let out a cry,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
60 centimitres in the gauge,
A dreadful harvest-time surprise.

Wasn’t long before the phone,
With farmers was red hot,
“What you get in your rain gauge?
60 centimetres seems a lot!”

So don’t bother ringing me,
I won’t bother to ring,
Because the effin rain gauge,
Is now in the effin bin!

They say don’t shoot the messenger, but that rain gauge had been asking for it for some time now!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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An English Summer

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Cock PheasantSo far this month of July I have emptied more rain out of the rain gauge than in the six previous months. This includes the largest amount I have ever seen (2.5 inches on the 17th). It is wet and cold and last night I even lit our wood-burning stove. However my sympathies lie with wildlife who must wonder what has happened…

A wise cock-pheasant around the garden perused,
“Tell me Mister, I’m so confused,
I’m told that this is July,
Yet it’s cold and wet, anybody know why?”
folk are on holiday, some flown away,
to far-off lands for sun they say!”
I told him, “Mr Pheasant it’s a bummer,
But that is typically an English Summer!”

For me at the moment this bad weather may be an inconvenience, luckily my crops aren’t ready for harvest. But many farmers must bee looking to the sky with furrowed brows as this much rain on ready-to-harvest grain can make it sprout thus losing it’s already-low value.

Baldock Bard 2015

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baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Car Boot Sales are on every Saturday until the end of October.
They are the friendliest on earth and should be visited!
We look forward to meeting you.
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Digital Holiday!

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LaptopLike millions of houses up and down the country, we have a burglar alarm. Unfortunately we also have a dog that, when the alarm sounds, can do more damage than a sledge-hammer wielding burglar. The latest sounding ended with my Macbook lying on the floor, mortally wounded by rampaging dog…

The dog is biting at the door,
laptop lies upon the floor,
the burglar alarm wails out loud,
the dog looks manic, angry but proud.

At the time I was unable to see much gain,
re-loading everything what a pain!
however suddenly I realise the difference it’ll make,
a digital holiday, a short byte-break!

So if you were wondering where I be,
not at a hotel by the sea,
but relaxing and sleeping like a log,
all because of one alarmed dog!

Go on! Treat yourself to a short byte-break, you’ll be amazed how refreshing it can be!

Baldock Bard 2015

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At Loggerheads!

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At LoggerheadsEvery now and then I go back through my photo collection for inspiration! Yesterday I found a photo I’d taken some years ago in the Midlands, North of Birmingham. There was something I found amusing about a notice board…

At the Parish Council,
they were at each other’s throats,
the chairman called for calm,
the chairman called for votes!
He finally closed the meeting,
after discussion regarding sheds!
We’ll meet again next Tuesday,
hopefully not at loggerheads!

With apologies to Loggerheads Parish Council who are probably the least argumentative in the country and fed up with people making the same joke time after time!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Art of Dog Walking!

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Dog and Me!The other day I took my dog for a walk. Mrs Bard and I were away, so the novelty of not just opening the door and saying “Shoo!” was a new experience for Dog and I. However once in the park we soon learnt some new rules that don’t seem to apply here on the farm…

No lead meant some baler twine,
Tied to the collar should do fine!
Then off to the park for Dog and me,
Cocked his leg on every tree!
A polite “Good Morning!” to all around,
The response a ‘don’t-know-you’ filthy frown!
Into the park remove the lead,
“Look at the sign, can’t you read?”
“I thought Dog could just run?
Without his freedom where’s the fun?”
A haughty lady asked me, “who,
Is going to pick up that dog’s poo?”
At that moment a screaming sound!
“My poor Mimi whose is that hound?”
Dog and I slunk away,
Won’t go back to that park to play!

To all dog walkers: This is written with tongue firmly in cheek as, with a few exceptions on which this is based, all dog walkers are sociable and amicable folk. It is the minority, as in with all walks of life, that give the majority a bad name. “Rover! Rover! Oh where has that dog gone now? Sorry, must dash…” 

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Effect of Too Much Paperwork!

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Yesterday I had another hard day in the office. I realise that many spend their working lives in such surroundings, but I signed up to be outside in the fresh air, hoeing mangles (or whatever ‘proper farmers used to do). I needed fluid intake to concentrate. Unfortunately I over indulged…

Last night there was a mighty storm,
as wild as wild could be,
the whole house was lightened up,
was like day you see!
Thunder crashed and lightening cracked,
I was wide awake,
and in the middle of the night,
I was hungry needed cake!
I tried my best to get to sleep,
My mind like a machine,
Tumbling thoughts around my brain,
A result of excess caffeine!

Operators Manual for UAV course almost finished. The fresh air outside is only hours away! Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Posing for an Owlie!

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Barn OwlOne of the best sights on the farm is to watch a barn owl flying in a meadow. It always seems as if he will fall from the sky any minute as his flight is so slow and almost cumbersome. He also looks most un-aerodynamic. However when he sits on the branch of a tree it is a magnificent sight…

Oh Mr Owl are you as clever as they always say?
Portrayed as the teacher back in the day!
Yet as I watch your awkward flight gait,
I know there are voles awaiting their fate.
So Mr Owl, please sit still for a mo,
pose for an ‘owlie’, then off you can go!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Paperwork!

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PaperworkAs a farmer I am often asked, “…and what are you up to on the farm at the moment?” Expecting an answer of “I be crollicing my turnips, my dear” or similar, delivered in a yokel accent, they seem to be very disappointed when nine-times-out-of-ten the answer is “paperwork!” The truth is that most jobs are similar in many ways…

Some years ago there was a rumour:
‘The paper-less office is here!’
Everyone heaved a sigh of relief,
left the office and had a beer!
Some looked for a solution,
what to do with this now-empty room!
But oldies who’d been there before them,
said “we’ll not be changing too soon!”
Today we’ve got out the paperwork,
condensed and put in a file,
an inspector will come to examine it,
he’ll be reading and looking for a while!
If I was alone in assembling,
I’d probably be banged up for life!
it’s another time I’m so grateful,
I am married to my Farmer’s Wife!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Two Terriers!

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Two TerriersOur two terriers have just had a falling-out. It wasn’t all out war, just handbags in the morning. When it was all over they looked at each other as if to say ‘what was that?’ Sometimes our pets can be frighteningly human…

Our two terriers wouldn’t be apart,
sometimes they quarrel,
sometimes they bark!
Mostly they’re a comfort,
to each other,
in fact they’re like,
sister and brother!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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