Sally the Seagull

Posted on May 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Being from the landlocked county of Hertfordshire, I can never understand the venom with which seaside dwellers view seagulls. In our coastal-themed loo lives Sally the Wooden Seagull whose main purpose is to amuse our granddaughter while on the potty. This is accomplished with distinction earning Sally ‘The Grand Order of the Shell’ which she wears with pride…

Sally the seagull lives in the loo,
She has just one daily job to do!
Not from pensioners does she steal chips,
Or hang around landfill tips!
She sits under the basin all day long,
Once or twice breaking into song:

To the tune: ‘I do like to be beside the seaside’
“Oh I do like to be beside the toilet,
I do like to be beside the bog,
It’s just dynamite,
When the room smells not alright!
My mo-ther, was just a log!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
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Remembrance Bells

Posted on May 11, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On Saturday at 11am we rang the two 15^th Century bells in our little village church to celebrate the 70^th anniversary of VE Day, the end of the Second World War. As I pulled on the rope with young Gabriel (in charge of ‘Dong’), I wondered what those who had sacrificed their lives would think of ours today. This made me pull harder…

I rang Ding,
Gabriel rang Dong,
The countryside echoed,
Ding Dong Ding Dong!

I wondered as we gripped,
the sallies with both hands,
Whether bells would ring,
In far-off foreign lands.

Then I thought,
Of deeds that had been done,
So Ding and Dong,
Could evermore be rung!

A Killer Strikes!

Posted on May 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

We are down from ten to two chickens and it’s our own fault. If we kept them locked up in a shed they’d have been safe, however we like to see them roaming around the farm as nature intended. The two remaining hens, Mrs Brown and Mrs Black (Mrs White’s head was found detached from her body along with the others including the ‘Tiptoe Twins’). They now stick together and wander around wondering where their friends have gone and if there are tastier scraps to be found there, while I prepare a surprise for the fox…

On our farm about a week ago,
A fox came calling and away did go,
Killed our chickens removed their heads,
Whilst they were sleeping in their beds.
Feathers scattered all around,
My favourite hens dead on the ground.
If that fox had wanted food,
I wouldn’t hate him or be rude.
If I’m late to the boot sale then you’ll know,
I’m no longer woken by the cockerel’s crow!

Fertilizer Spreading!

Posted on May 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday as the country went to the polls we were busy spreading the last of the fertilizer on the wheat. Carl was on the spreader and I was attempting to keep him topped up with ton bags from the farm. The results of our day will take much longer to show…

We’re spreading fertilizer,
it helps crops to grow,
we calibrate the spreader,
or it comes out like snow.
Then off to the field,
to see if dose is right,
little pellets of goodness,
like hail – round and white!
Here comes the loader,
two more tons to be spread,
into the spreader,
then back to the shed!
By early evening,
the very last field,
now we need some rain,
to boost up the yield!
But not on Saturday morning!
© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Bienvenue a Baldock!

Posted on May 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday and today the High Street in Baldock has been transformed into a street market that you might see anywhere from Calais to Carcassonne. It is most strange hearing a ‘holiday language’ at home. It’s a great opportunity to relive memories of vaccances past…

There’s a French Market today in Baldock,
selling French bread, olives and cheese!
The accents are definitely not local,
“s’il vous plait” for today replaces please!
The stall holders are all ‘tres jolie’
pleased to be here and polite,
“Bonjour Monsieur – Dame,
Would you like to buy ham?”
Not a single French Onion in sight!
© Le Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Today and every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Nature’s Confetti

Posted on May 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m very fond of this time of year. Not only as a farmer, when the crops are at last looking like they might bring forth a yield after showing bare patches over winter, but also for the rejuvenation all around. The last of the blossom is just glorious…

The pinkest of blossom,
a vibrant sign,
that Spring is here,
one more time.

The oak leaves are out,
before the ash,
so instead of a soak,
we’re in for a splash?

But most of all,
warmer days,
with shorter nights,
spirits are raised!

Unfortunately,
the blossom won’t last,
it’ll look like,
a bride has been past!

Five Golden Goslings!

Posted on April 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the marvels of spring is the sudden appearance of little yellow bundles around the legs of the farm geese. No matter how many years you’ve witnessed this, it still comes as a wonderful surprise. However the show is always watched from a distance…

Five little goslings,
Under mothers feet,
Learning survival,
And finding things to eat.

They’re fluffy and they’re yellow,
They scoot around the yard,
Let’s hope the fox doesn’t get them,
‘Cos we would find that hard.

There’s daddy and there’s mummy,
And Aunty Goosey too!
It doesn’t hardly matter,
I don’t know who is who!

Nobody gets too close
To the precious little five
You’ll be penned in a corner
Until the other geese arrive!

Early Malted Wheats!

Posted on April 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Third week of the car boot sale season and I’m up before the alarm clock. The first phone call interrupts my breakfast at 05:35, but such is life when you’re in retail! Time speeds by at this time of the morning…

Five-thirty in the morning I’m eating Malted Wheats,
I’ve left my warm bed with its comforting sheets.
Daylight is breaking soon time to go,
To open the gates, and let traffic flow!
One thing with a boot sale you have no idea,
Who will be selling or who will appear,
What will be selling, what will folk buy?
I’d better get moving doesn’t time fly!

I hope you have a most enjoyable Saturday and it brings all you’d wish for!
© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Stitch in Time!

Posted on April 23, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning I had a most frustrating time in the local hospital with an elderly relative, followed by over half an hour stuck in a traffic jam inside the hospitals expensive multi-storey car park. I was looking forward to carting fertilizer out to James on the spreader in the afternoon. However a discovery made me wary…

“There’s a nail in your tyre,” said James,
“It always pours but never rains!”
I thought about attacking it with pliers,
But it’s better left in high-pressure tyres!
Looking up to the sky for inspiration,
What James said next caused consternation:
“I shouldn’t look at the other tyre if I were you,
‘Cos you’ll find there’s one in there too!”
So I nurtured the tyres with much care,
Hoping not to soil my underwear!
So this morning the tyre depot I’ll ring,
A stitch in time is a wonderful thing!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

When The April Dust Does Blow!

Posted on April 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday we planted 40 acres of linseed (used in paints, nutritional supplements or for varnishing cricket bats!). Karl was on the powerharrow/drill combination and I was following with the rolls. The overwhelming factor was not the usual April showers, but clouds and clouds of dust…

There’s dust flying a-plenty,
When we’re preparing the ground,
For a linseed crop, we dare not stop,
In case an April shower comes around!
The drill is going quite slowly,
To make a fine seedbed,
Then come the rolls to compact it,
So the seed and soil are well wed!
The dust from this whole operation,
In clouds is blowing about,
But if it should rain ‘afore we’re finished,
We’d need a spade to dig us both out!
With thanks to Karl for his acccuracy, skill and clever welding! Everybody needs a Karl when time is short and the dust is flying!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life