Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

Stranger Danger?

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Stranger DangerWhen did we become a nation that is suspicious of all strangers? We have always had a history of being a ‘welcoming society’… Or have we? On my way out of the farm yesterday I turned onto the main road and very soon passed a man walking up the road in the opposite direction (an unusual sight this far from town). With thoughts of at least a ransacked house streaming through my head I turned around and headed back. Hiding behind a hedge I was relieved to watch the lone walker pass by…

There’s a stranger walking by,
I’m sure he’s up to no good,
He may be about to ransack the house,
Or steal a load of wood!
Or perhaps he just out for a stroll,
Taking in fresh air,
He’s actually doing no harm at all,
As far as I’m aware!

Should I have acted differently?
Offered a cup of tea?
Or should I man the barricades,
In case he a wrong’un be?

Perhaps it’s time we all gave strangers some benefit of the doubt and stopped being driven by startling stories in the media?

© Baldock Bard 2015
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A ‘Bridal’ Lunch in Ireland!

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Ireland BedsMrs Bard and I went shopping yesterday to the up and coming metropolis of Biggleswade! Mrs Bard had mislaid her wedding ring. Having not bought the original I offered to buy her a new one to tide her over until her family heirloom resurfaced from its safe hiding place. Finding just the thing in the exclusive part of a catalogue store, I thought I’d better celebrate the event by taking her out to lunch! So we drove to Ireland and had a wonderful meal before driving home…

There’s a new wedding ring, on my wife’s finger today,
(Nearly 36 years, since I last said ‘Oh Yeah!’)
The assistant looked up, there were tears in her eyes,
“Not many marry here, it’s quite a surprise!”
There was no vicar, no friends in a pew,
And I quite forgot, to say ‘Yes I do!’
Out came the bank card, into the machine,
And she was my wife again, or was it a dream?
Mini-moon in Ireland, (to sate hunger and thirst!),
Ate three whole courses, thought my trousers would burst!
And then back to Baldock, the day trip was over,
I lit the fire and my bride snoozed on the sofa!

With thanks to the staff at the Black Horse, Ireland, Nr Shefford, Bedfordshire, for a truly superb lunch.
Why don’t you try something different by going to Ireland for lunch or dinner sometime?
www.blackhorseireland.com
Blackhorseireland pud© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Mr Pigeon’s Nightmare!

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scaremOn Wednesdaty I dragged Mrs Bard around the Lamma agricultural show at Peterborough. It was by and large an information-gathering exercise as well as a chance to see large shiny machinery (big boys toys!) I can neither afford nor justify. However one simple idea caught my eye. On our farm we have long since given up growing crops like oil-seed-rape and peas that pigeons destroy, so it was a case of admiring a wonderfully simple idea/product in action. It’s basically a kite, on a wire, on a pole…

You can fly it over many acres of OSR,
Or on an allotment if you have pigeons to bar!
If you’ve a problem with the neighbour’s cat,
Fly a Scarem and that could be that!
So all of you who in towns do dwell,
It could save your voice and flowerbeds as well!

…Only joking – we all just lurve cats!

Check out the Scarem kites at http://www.scarem.co.uk/
Brilliant, British and hated by pigeons everywhere!
scarem2

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
 
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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The March of Time!

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LAMMAThere is a large agricultural machinery show taking place at Peterborough today and tomorrow called LAMMA. It showcases the latest and largest tractors, combines, sprayers and cultivators that money can buy. A generation ago, life was much simpler, the industry was simpler and tractors had no heating, air-conditioning or even cabs…

Here comes old Bert on his ‘new’ row-crop tractor,
Smiling fit to burst is that a great factor?
Life was much harder in so many ways,
What would he make of farming these days?
Milk cheaper than water in a bloody great store,
Kids who have everything and still yell for more!
Combines cost hundreds of thousands of pounds,
What farmers do decided by ‘them live in towns’.
Rules and regulation come in from abroad,
Government spend billions that we can’t afford.
Old Bert led a simple life, happy was he,
A hard day at work then home for his tea!

http://www.lammashow.com/
In memory of my Uncle Pat and all those who worked with him on a farm near Bishop’s Stortford in Hertfordshire. God bless them all. Without them I wouldn’t be here today.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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National ‘Back Up Your Hard Drive Week!’

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IMG_8604Today is ‘Be Nice to a Chicken Day’ or ‘Take a Carrot to Work Day’ or something equally ridiculous! It is also a ‘non’ time that is still close to Christmas (the odd needle from the Christmas tree is still showing up in the vacuum cleaner) but not yet time to think about Easter Eggs and the possible cold wintery weather between! From recent personal experience I think it should be ‘Back up your Hard Drive Week’…

I’m without my Mac,
I’m getting pretty wet!
The laptop is unwell,
Backup I did forget.
It could have been worse,
It hadn’t been for long,
But backups are invaluable,
When everything else goes wrong.
Everyone should have a Lee,
Who rolls his eyes and says:
What have you done this time?
“No back up HOW MANY DAYS?”
So backup little and often,
Is the moral of this tale,
Or you’ll displease your Lee,
When your computer fail!

With thanks to Lee and the others at Encompass in Weston, Herts for yet again dealing with my incompetance (despite attempting to bar my entrance to their premises in an effort to ward off evil spirits!) They are a jolly crowd who are a pleasure to deal with who also posses ‘Magic Mac Fingers’

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above



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Fetching the Non-delivered Delivery!

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ParcelHave you ever had an earth-shattering moment when something upsets you to the Nth degree? I suspect we have all encountered poor service that has made us see red. However I wonder how many of you have been left wondering what all the fuss was about the next morning…

Tracking on the parcel,
Said “It will arrive today,”
I couldn’t quite believe it
So quietly said ‘Houray!’
I tried again at 4pm
I spoke to a call centre
“I can confirm delivery,
Today we will present’er!”

By a quarter to five,
I was rather less certain, 
“Where is my parcel?”
“In the van behind the curtain!”
At a quarter past seven,
I was waiting by the road,
“Will now be out on Monday,
Driver couldn’t find your road!”

However on Saturday morning,
My temper had gone away,
I drove to a Luton depot,
And took my lost parcel right away. 
So if you find you’re angry, 
It’s less important than you think,
You wont give a damn about UPS,
Being worse than CityLink!

A note for my foreign readers: CityLink went out of business on Christmas Day. UPS has over a thousand complaints on the Internet. If there were an alternative and reliable delivery service then UPS would be consigned to history too. 

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above



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Back-to-Work Monday!

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Chip 14It’s ‘Back to Work’ Monday! A day when it is most important that a good night’s sleep has been had so the harsh realities of everyday can be assimilated with a clear mind! We’re all going to struggle to get through the day, however some of us are going to suffer more, thanks to a bad nights sleep…

We have a terrier his name is Chip,
We think he’s about sixteen,
He likes to think he’s hard done by,
But rarely makes a scene.
Sometimes he sneaks into our bed,
My wife feels his warm back.
I bear the brunt of sharpened claws,
Of a snoring contented Jack!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Confusing Times!

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Confusing TimesI always find this time of year confusing. Folk wander about not knowing what day it is, they rush to the shops, only to realize they are repeat-looking at the same ‘bargains’ they ignored the day before. When dog walking in the park they walk silently as they’ve no idea what to wish other dog-owners today? They’ve used up ‘Happy Christmas’ and ‘Happy New Year’ and have no idea whether it’s Tuesday or Sunday. As a farmer with no livestock the choice is simple, or is it….?

I woke up this morning,
Didn’t know what to do,
Had I woken near Baldock?
Or maybe Timbuktu?
I quietly went downstairs,
Couldn’t think what day it be,
Went to let the dog out,
The rain came in on me!

I knew we’d had Christmas,
I knew we’d had New Year,
Was I supposed to work today?
I had no idea.
So I made a decision,
Albeit full of flaws,
I’d go back to my warm bed,
Ignore the wet outdoors!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Blue Car has a Fifth Wheel

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The RockWhen guests have been to stay, their parting always leaves a vacuum. This New Year one guest made a spectacular parting which left us all speechless! What happened next may make you chuckle…

To protect her identity we’ll call her Flo,
This’ll save her reputation where-ere she go!
She waved goodbye on 2nd January morn, 
Then drove her front wheel over our well-mown lawn!
We stood in wonder as she went off half cock,
Her rear wheel caught on a rather large rock!
Put there to protect the grass so real,
Not designed to be a car’s fifth wheel!
She got out and said: “Oh deary me!”
I went to fetch the JCB!

Thankfully nobody was hurt and a New Year Legend was born! 

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The New Year’s Resolution!

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Malt1The world and his wife seem to be talking about what they are going to forgo come midnight tonight. I too have given it much thought, although my options were limited, I seem to have come to a decision (of sorts)…

Someone gave me a box of Maltesers,
Chocolate covered ball-shaped pleasers!
I’d been wondering what to sacrifice,
For my New Year resolution had to be nice.
I could quite easily give up drinking,
I don’t smoke so I was thinking,
In a weak moment dark and late,
I could leave chocolate off my plate!
Just in case my resolve was forgot,
I went and ate the bloody lot!
I decided I couldn’t possibly go through,
Not eating something that’s so good for you!
Malt2Wishing you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year, may dreams come true for you and those you love.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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