Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

A Farmer’s Idea of ‘An Evening Out!’

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Farmer's Night OutThis time of year, when we are busy cultivating on the farm, it is dark by about 7pm. Worried by the threat of bad weather forecast for next week, I decided to put in a few extra hours. Whilst plodding up and down the field my mind wandered and I came up with this verse…

A local farmer, short and stout,
Told his wife, he was spending, the evening out!
“I’ll be back, but it’ll be late,
You could leave some supper on a plate!”
His wife who was neat and uncommonly kind,
Said to him, “I really don’t mind!”
As she knew there was no other distractor,
The ‘Other Woman’ was his tractor!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
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Replacement Parts!

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New MetalYesterday I replaced some wearing parts on the plough. These parts, whilst important in helping to turn over the soil, also protect other parts of the plough body. While I was struggling with unhelpful nuts, dropped spanners and missing bolts, I considered what we could do with this technology in humans! I then realized that much of it mirrored modern medical advancements…

A friend of mine has new knees,
He now leaps tall buildings, cars and trees!
I was wondering what I’d replace,
Maybe feet, hands or face!

But I came to a conclusion,
In my case would be no solution,
Like the scarecrow in the Wizzard of Oz
I’d like a new brain, just because…!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Good hedges making good neighbours!

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Loadall HedgeThere is an old countryside saying here in the UK: “Good hedges make for good neighbours!” Yesterday I gave a neighbour a hand with trimming his hedge. Luckily we were able to get up close and personal with the cherry-picker cage on our JCB Loadall. After some Health and Safety assessment and advice we tackled the hedge…

“Buzz buzz buzz” goes the hedge trimmer,
as the tall hedge gets thinner and thinner!
Up in the cage to ease the clipping,
safer than a ladder with no chance of slipping.
The neighbour hoisted high above the ground
shouts down: “Look what I have just found!”
Rusty shears had grown into a branch,
Where someone gave up on the final tranche!
As we got further from the floor,
The thicker branches need the chainsaw!
Until most of the hedge was gone you see
And we adjourned inside for tea!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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It’s Called Progress!

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Fert lorryYesterday I unloaded thirty-eight tonnes of fertiliser (ready for next Spring) without breaking into a sweat. Twenty-five years ago fertilizer came in 50kg bags on a pallet. Unloading from the lorry was easy but loading into the spreader was by hand. Going back to my father’s day the unloading of the lorry, onto the trailer and into the spreader was all by hand. How times have changed…
Fert TractorOur fertilizer used to be
In twenty bags to the ton
And we loaded into the spreader
By hand one by one!
Now it comes in big bags
So easy to lift a tonne
We now just pull a lever,
Without sweat the job is done!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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September Sunshine!

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September SunHaving been back and forth to the hospital recently to see my old man has meant that farming has had to take a back seat. Thankfully the weather has been fine and so planting operations are effectively on hold until rain arrives. Also due to an earlier-than-normal harvest, we seem to be up to date. However once the weather breaks all that can change…

Mid-September and summer’s here!
(I’d like a pub garden – cold pint of beer!)
But back to work I fear I must,
Clanking rolls and choking dust!
A farmer told me it was a pain,
That when it was sunny he wanted rain!
And when the rain was daily pouring,
For a dry day he would be imploring!
It just shows that all together,
A farmer’s not satisfied whatever the weather!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Our Home-Bred Visitors!

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Last SwallowsOver the last few days a group of visitors has visibly decreased in numbers. I always enjoy seeing Swallows arrive at the end of April and am sad to see them go at this time of year. This year so many have hatched that I’m surprised that there were no mid-air collisions during their feeding flights. It is remarkable when you consider that this has been going on for hundreds and hundreds of years and while war and turmoil affected nations, the Swallows migration was a constant that us country-folk could cling to…

The swallows are almost gone,
Only very few remain,
They’ve popped down to South Africa,
They’ll be back next year again.
They’ll travel down through France,
And then through Eastern Spain,
They’ll cross the Sahara Desert,
By this time they’ll be feeling the strain.
On and on they’ll fly,
Cover some 200 miles a day,
And if they’re very lucky,
They’ll survive to be back next May.
It’s a shame that they don’t know,
How they’ll be missed back here,
And how joyfully they’ll be welcomed,
When they return next year.

Last Swallows 2© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Devil’s Cymbals!

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Cambridge RollsI’ve put away the plough for a while and attached the Cambridge Rolls to the tractor to break down the clods. Being made up of a three rows of cast-steel rings on an axle they are very noisy. I call them ‘The Devil’s Cymbals!’…

When my children were very small,
And my wife was teaching in a school.
My mother would provide Farm-Day-Care,
They’d go with her everywhere!
Before the days of ‘all’s an offence’,
Health and Safety was common sense,
So on the tractor the kids would go,
To harvest, cultivate roll or sow!
In those days when cabs were bare,
and the rear window just wasn’t there,
The noise for a child sitting on a sack,
Was more like an alien attack!
But sitting on their improvised seat,
The little darlings would fall straight to sleep!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Blast From My Past!

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GreengrocersHave you ever been suddenly reminded of times past? Driving my old man to a London station yesterday I was stopped at some traffic lights in Kilburn when I spotted something that I hadn’t seen locally for years – A greengrocers shop that was so full of wonderful produce that it spilled onto the street! Perhaps there is life after stores like Tesco have killed a town and maybe the city can teach rural areas a thing or two…

When I was young and just a lad,
I’d go shopping on a Friday with my dad!
In our old grey pickup, collie in the back,
The bench seat was covered with a sack!
First we’d go to get the wages,
He’d chat to people it took ages!
Then to the supermarket, International Stores,
It was compact, with shinny floors!
The greengrocer was always the last to meet,
A tiny shop with a queue on the street.
Eric Piper was short not stout,
He reminded me of a Brussels Sprout!
All of this died some 40 years ago,
The town changed for ever, shops started to go.
So seeing a greengrocer’s fantastic display,
Took me right back to another day!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The ‘Monday-Break-it-Fairy’ is Defeated!

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Ploughing 1914Sod’s Law states that if it is going to break it will do so at the most inconsiderate time! Yesterday I arrived in the field to plough and within ten minutes had to return to the farm with a broken hydraulic pipe! The ‘Monday-Break-it-Fairy’ had seen my early-morning departure and in an effort to set me back, had done her worst…

I went a’ploughing on Monday morning,
When all of a sudden without warning,
I pulled the switch to turn over the plough,
Nothing happened what do I do now?
I tried again without success,
Used those words we use under stress!
Back to the farm after such a short while,
The ‘Monday-Break-it-Fairy’ is full of bile!
Now normally I throw odd things away,
Otherwise they clutter the store for a year and a day!
But I was in for a great surprise,
An old hydraulic pipe that was just the size!
In a very short time I effected a repair,
Told the ‘Monday-Break-it-Fairy’ to go elsewhere!

With apologies if I sent her destructive powers in your direction.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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JCB Loadall Ice Bucket Challenge!

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JCB IcebucketYesterday evening on the farm we did an Ice Bucket Challenge. Using a JCB Loadall and bucket we took up the challenge set by a JCB dealer in the USA! It is a sign of our times that trends grow (and recede) in the flash of an eye. Who knows what will be popular next week…

Have you done an Ice Bucket Challenge,
And been soaked to the skin?
Have you then thought of others,
You’d like to see wet (with a grin!)
Last night four adventurous souls,
Stood in a field on the farm,
The JCB bucket was brimmed,
Which was rather a cause for alarm!
Suddenly the water was tumbling
As out of the bucket it poured
Thank heavens it was for charity
A complete soaking ensured!

Congratulations to Siân, Sian, Rhodri and Laura for their bravery!
To see full video, go to Facebook: Simon Holtom

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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