The Freight Train!

Posted on August 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

What do you think of as you sit at a level crossing? Is your imagination at all touched by the train as it passes? The other day I sat waiting for a freight train to cross and my idiot mind ran amuck…

The long freight train goes ‘Clickety-clack’
As it winds its way down the long straight track,
Today it carries many tons of gravel,
From the quarry it will slowly travel.
I often wonder if the driver prefers,
Carrying freight as opposed to hims and hers!
There’s no need to shout “Mind the doors!”
Or put up with “Driver!” from commuter bores.
As it crossed the crossing I had to refrain,
From asking if I could drive the train!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Harvest Home 2014!

Posted on August 22, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

So that was Harvest 2014! A mixed bag in anyone’s books. On this farm wonderfully early with average yields. However in some fields: disastrous outputs caused by choking of the wheat by a weed called Blackgrass. As our weed-killing armoury is restricted further and further by legislation in the UK, but not always abroad, we will have to consider the way forward very carefully. However harvest is over, time to prepare for the next one…

Harvest is over
We all shed a sigh,
Life shifts down a gear
No more dust in the eye!

The earliest harvest,
I’ve known for some years.
We got it all in,
Despite rainy fears.

The final disaster,
A blocked-up conveyor,
Beans spilt everywhere,
Irritating delayer!

But all is not finished,
For any farm men,
As now we prepare,
To start planting again!

The Last Lap of Harvest 2014!

Posted on August 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We are racing the weather fronts again, as we dash to get all the beans from the field into the shed. In the store the beans are so noisy on their journey that noise-cancelling headphones are the order of the day (and Health & Safety requirement!). But from the road the scene is one of tranquility and harmony as the sun sets on another harvest…

There’s something about a combine,
That draws the ‘ooh’s and the aaah’s!’
Commuters back from the office,
Drive past in their company cars!

They don’t see the dust,
They don’t hear the noise,
But swoon at the machinery,
Like grown-up little boys!

Unwelcome Visitors!

Posted on August 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We have been plagued with very large wasps for the last few weeks. The unwanted lodgers had moved in to the farmhouse via the high outside attic door. Despite several reminders to ‘sort the situation’, it remained unsorted until an ultimatum was posted. Swift action followed…

For quite some time (two months or more),
Large wasps have buzzed through the attic door.
Now being rather a coward of late,
I’ve been loath to investigate.
But recently we’ve had these pests,
Join us at mealtimes as unwanted guests.
Slowly they’d buzz around the room,
Chased by newspaper, magazine or broom!
“If you don’t do something about them today,
Then in the house alone you’ll stay!”
When this wifely threat in my ear rings,
I got on to Bugs ‘N’ Things!
Out they came, the nest attacked,
Very soon hornets bags were packed!
If you have unwanted guests give them a ring,
It’s much less painful than a Hornet sting!

Bugs ‘N’ Things operate in Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire, Essex, Northamptonshire, Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, Leicestershire and across London. http://www.bugsnthings.co.uk

The Four-Legged Thief!

Posted on August 19, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m afraid I have to admit that my terrier is a thief. Unfortunately if she were dragged in front of the judiciary the newspapers would report that: ‘the defendant showed no remorse’. Maybe it is in her upbringing and I am at fault, or maybe because she comes from the Fens…

Where oh where can my sandwiches be?
I made them fresh with chicken you see.
I then added a layer of salad cream,
They have vanished, must have been a dream

Where oh where can my biscuits be?
I was to have mid-morning with my flask of tea,
A couple were chocolate and three were plain,
I don’t suppose I’ll see them again!

Where oh where has that terrier gone?
I’ve been in the garden and shouted “Come on!”
Then I spy an abandoned packet of crisps
and there she sits licking her lips!

The Tractor Drivers Mate!

Posted on August 15, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s those little improvements in life that you seldom notice that make the greatest impact. Spending hours on the tractor at the moment makes tractor drivers reliant on a vacuum flask. They have improved beyond all recognition: Gone are the cold dregs at teatime, the insipid taste of stale drink or the death-rattle of a dropped flask. The modern flasks are such an improvement it’s hard to remember the old times…

Beside me on the tractor,
Keeping me company all day long,
My vacuum flask is silver,
And it’s very strong!
I used to go through flasks,
Almost by the week,
They’d break if you dropped them,
The glass inside was weak.
And then you’d have to shake them,
Just to check they’d broke,
you’d get a coffee/glass rattle
Like a percussion shakey-bloke!
But now they never let you down,
Indestructible is their name,
They hold so much coffee,
Got to stop the tractor again!

Plough Followers!

Posted on August 14, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I spent yesterday ploughing a field at the far end of the farm. It wasn’t long before I had company – a flock of seagulls. Many years ago I worked with a ploughman who hated them and would have ploughed them all in if he could. I like to see them, their variety alleviates the boredom of up and down, up and down, hour after hour at 4mph…

Watching seagulls follow the plough,
I sat back to wonder how,
They found the field with no communication,
Or indeed satellite navigation!
They squawk so I can’t say they tweet,
Which as a line would be quite neat!
They don’t have fingers to give you ‘the bird’,
And have no text to spread the word.
All I can say (and I could be wrong),
It took just minutes before they came along.
They don’t stare or perch in trees,
but steal seaside chips from OAP’s!
Some maintain they’re airborne rats,
Who frighten children, dogs and cats!
But all of this is forgotten now,
As I watch seagulls chase the plough!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

800 Not Out!

Posted on August 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Let me set the scene: it is well after midnight and I’m watching the grain store. The moon is completely surrounded by a watery glow, there is a gentle far-away roar of the combine harvester and we’re attempting to beat the rain that is forecast for 2am by harvesting into the night. I’m listening to Si Cranstoun singing ‘Caught in the Moonlight’, a merry little number that makes me almost want to dance (unfortunately not only am I allergic to dancing but it would also constitute a gross act of criminality in Health and Safety terms). Every so often my thoughts are interrupted by the tractor and trailer that spills yet more wheat into the intake pit and I’m forced to use a brush to sweep!
I open up my trusty dusty Mac and log onto my Bard page. Holy Moley Guacamole! I had no idea, this is my 800th daily offering…

I have published 800 verses
Call the doctor and the nurses!
Call the men in their white coats
Call the men who stare at goats!
Every morning come rain or shine
I compete another rhyme!
What I’ll write I never know
Look for a picture and off we go!
Sometimes funny sometimes sad
Sometimes good mostly bad!
Some hardy folk ask for more
Today’s is covered in dust from the store!
So thank you for reading this silly rhyme
I hope I’ll see you another time!
Postscript: The last wheat went into the barn just after 2.01am followed by rain at 2.10am. That’s a close call in anyone’s language! So that’s all the wheat in the barn, just beans to go and they’re still green!

Majestic Antlers!

Posted on August 5, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

While harvesting yesterday I noticed two pairs of antlers poking out from the crop. It was a wonderful sight. Luckily I had my trusty camera by my side and was able to capture the moment…

Antlers are such a giveaway,
When you’re hiding away!
They poke out above the crop,
“I’m over here please don’t stop!”
At the last moment they break cover
Safety in numbers means each other
Off they run towards the wood
Shot by a camera as majestic should!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Posted on August 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve had a serious complaint about the car boot sales that I run on a Saturday morning. Apparently a man is very unhappy that he turned up on Saturday at around 10am and most stalls had either gone or were packing up. He’s not half as miffed as I am! Almost every other Saturday this season has been wet or showery, will the person who insists on treading on every spider he comes across please desist…

Every other Saturday at the car boot sale,
This summer weather rains without fail.
I’m beginning to think it’s something I’ve done,
It’s my fault we’ve had no sun!
Then I realize it’s not just me,
And unfortunately that’s how it be!
Without the rain that we’ve seen,
All would be brown instead of green.
The reservoirs would be empty and wan,
Resulting in a hosepipe ban!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life