The Agricultural Show-goers!

Posted on June 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day in the blazing sunshine I went to an agricultural show. It is a great place to ‘people watch’ as farmers these days come in all shapes, sizes and by no means all wear tweed! I happened to spot a couple that were not wearing matching agricultural uniform, this lead me to write this…

A young farmer that I know,
Took a girl to an agricultural show.
When she asked him what she should wear,
He said “anything I don’t care!”
When she asked him what she’d see,
He said “plenty, including me!”
“There’ll be cows and bulls, sheep and rams,
Oh! And pigs for quite exquisite hams!
Then there’ll be combine harvesters, tractors and ploughs,
And all sorts of gadgets for milking cows!
There’ll be balers for straw and turners for hay,
Loaders and chasers to cart it away!
But above all else and this is true,
The most important thing there will be you!”

So she spent all day tramping around,
Following his progress on the showground.
As he chatted with reps who explained their machines,
She fumed because she could have worn jeans!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
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Every Saturday until October!
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Dolly the Extremist Horse!

Posted on June 15, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I walked across the field the other day and was shocked to the very core. Dolly, who lives on the farm, was wearing some sort of veil and all-over body covering. Concerned that she might arouse the attention of the Home Secretary or the Education Minister, I made my excuses and left…

Dolly’s been radicalised,
Dolly’s gone to far,
But I think we’re safe,
She won’t fit in a car!

She’s bound to make a protest,
That she’s not allowed free rein,
She’s on a low-grass diet,
That encourages her to complain!

She wasn’t radicalized in the classroom,
(Doesn’t go to school of course),
The Prime Minister isn’t interested,
She’s just a Trojan Horse!

The Fox and our Hens

Posted on June 14, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We have become very attached to our chickens. They all have different personalities and are named! (from left above: Happy Hen, Nosey Hen, Overfriendly Hen, Grey Hen and Upthedrive Hen). So perhaps it’s or fault that a fox-strike affects us so much. Early this morning I was awoken by the sound of slaughter…

I’m not normally violent,
It’s just not me,
But last night a fox,
Went on a killing spree.
The henhouse is protected,
By an electronic gate,
Which suffered a malfunction,
Leaving them to their fate.
I was in bed,
Prior to an early morning,
When I heard hens scream,
A nasty eerie warning.
I rushed outside,
Torch in hand,
Not wishing to see,
What the fox had planned.
There was the fox,
in the middle of slaughter,
I didn’t have a gun,
But I knew I ought-a.
While he was killing,
I stood there fumin’
The only others who kill like that,
I’m afraid to say are human.

The Morning’s Delight!

Posted on June 11, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Letting the dogs out on this wonderful sunny morning, dressed just in pyjamas, I wandered down the garden. On a wall is a climbing rose and even though I see it most mornings, on a morning such as this, it compliments the weather perfectly. So I thought I’d share it with you. Have a wonderful day…

There’s nothing like a rose,
On a warm summer’s day,
Its beauty and perfume,
Have chased the clouds away.
It’s such a wonderful sight,
When the sun begins to climb,
As I wander down the garden,
It gets me every time!

The Racehorse Transporters!

Posted on June 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

My old man always warned me to beware of fast women and slow horses (or it could have been the other way around?) I’ve never understood the attraction of horse-racing, that is not to say I’m against it, but it just doesn’t hold my limited attention span! The other day I drove past a small purple racehorse transporter, it set my mind a-wondering…

In the back of the lorry,
Munching at hay,
A runner at Lingfield,
Two thirty today!
Sitting in front,
Of this tireless campaigner,
The girl groom’s asleep,
Beside her the trainer.
Perched on a cushion,
A book in his face,
The jockey is silent,
His mind on the race.
They all know it’s hopeless,
The horse is not fast,
The owner will be livid,
When the horse comes in last!

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Fergus, the Largest Duck in all the World!

Posted on May 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

To our ducks on the pond, new-arrival Fergus is the largest duck in all the world. He arrived the other evening from Langford, Bedfordshire, where he used to live with his wife Sydney and her sister Bridget (both named after the structure in Sydney Harbour). The ducks on our pond were speechless when he arrived, but soon succumbed to his charms…

Fergus was unhappy,
His wife had passed away,
And he was ever so lonely,
Miserable every day.
We drove up to Langford,
When contacted by phone,
Said Fergus’s Mum and Dad:
“He’s pining on his own.”
So now he’s on our pond,
With our motley crew,
There’s Balduck, an Indian Runner,
And a white duck from Norfolk too!
They welcomed their new friend,
The girls said “Want a ride?”
You’re the largest duck we’ve ever seen,
Come swim by our side!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Wise Old Barn Owl!

Posted on May 23, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Just after seven o’clock this morning as I was getting dressed, Mrs Bard shouted, “Quick, bring your camera!” Hurriedly I grappled with my jeans, grabbed my camera, found the battery and rushed outside. There on a tree was one of the barn owls, illuminated by sunlight with a dark sky behind him. Just as I attempted to focus the camera, the sun went in. However for me the shots were good. But they were not that good. You see we have a great friend who takes absolutely fantastic photos. He waits around for hours to get the money shot and has a lens longer than the M1 Motorway, but you know me, I have the attention span of a distracted goldfish…

The barn owl sits on the tree branch,
Considering the economic conditions in France.
He snorts with laughter at the state of play,
And the under-fed pigeons on the Champs-Élysées!
But most of all he yawns and he thinks,
It’s seven o’clock, must be time for forty winks!

The Celestial Display!

Posted on May 22, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night ‘Him Upstairs’ got his favourite paint-by-numbers set from the drawer and painted the sky. It is at times like this when you can only stand back and gaze in awe of something that no man can claim as his own…

Red sky at night,
An utter delight.
We stood in awe,
At the back door.
No man could say,
“It was child’s play!”
As the complex light,
Heralded the night.
We went inside,
Well satisfied!

Counting Blessings!

Posted on May 15, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went for a long walk with my 18-month-old Granddaughter. ‘Quality Time’ is a phrase much banded about in child welfare circles. My quality time with her didn’t involve a trip to a fast food joint, buying the contents of a toy store or any form of organised play, it was old-fashioned free…

It was a beautiful, early summer, afternoon,
In mid-May, not even yet June,
We went for walk in the wood,
I guess we’re lucky that we could.
We played ‘choose the stick’ many times,
Sang a few out of tune Nursery Rhymes!
Tried to make a long daisy chain,
Waved at aircraft coming back from Spain!
We picked some yellow Buttercups,
Blew Dandelion seeds just for lucks!
I enjoyed my time (I’m regressing?)
Was a walk when I counted every blessing!

The Flowering Cherry Tree!

Posted on May 8, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The Flowering Cherry Tree is making a spectacle of herself again this year! There is so much blossom that it almost hurts the eye when the sun is out. It is such a vivid pink that I couldn’t resist a photo before its ultimate fall from grace…

There’s a beautiful show on the cherry trees,
Confetti enough for a bride to please.
In the churchyard and all around,
Very soon it’ll be on the ground.
From a distance an entrancer,
Reminds me of a ballet dancer!
While it lasts for many a day,
We’ll enjoy it’s pink array!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life