Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

Five Orphan Ducklings!

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On Saturday afternoon Mrs Bard spotted five ducklings, clinging to a log, floating down the river. While four looked like they would possibly make the perilous journey, the fifth looked all-in. Luckily the log bumped into our moored boat and I was able to rescue them with a fisherman’s net. Despite much searching, there was no sign of a mother-duck and as it became apparent that they were well away from home territory, a rescue operation was put into place…

Five orphan ducklings,
clinging to a log,
floating down the river,
there’s barking from a dog.
Five orphan ducklings,
floating on a raft,
there’s a farmer with a net,
his friends will think he’s daft!
Five orphan ducklings,
are now in the car,
twenty-four miles later,
safe and warm they are!
Five little ducklings,
are well-fed and alive,
will be on a farmer’s pond,
they’ll be safe and hopefully will thrive!
I know that I’ve gone soft, but the older I get, the less I care! Many thanks to Val for being such a wonderful surrogate mummy and providing them with a snuggly sock-warmer nest!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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A Farmer’s Straight Rows!

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Towards the end of every week from April to October I can be found in a 10 acre field on the outskirts of Baldock riding a small ride-on mower! If I had £1 for every time in the last 26 years where some wise joker has asked me what I was doing in such a large field with such a small mower I could retire to the West Indies! However it is an integral part of preparations for the Saturday car boot sales…

You grow more potatoes,
when the row isn’t straight,
I guess the same goes for containers,
and other types of freight!
But at a car boot sale,
if the lines are all obscure,
customers are unhappy,
and I end up ‘in manure!’
So every week,
between April and October,
I try to mow straight lines,
(have to do it when cold sober!)
They all say it’s easy,
to run a car boot sale,
but let me assure you,
there are many ways to fail!
…and one of them is crooked rows!!

Have a great weekend and if you’re mowing a lawn, enjoy keeping the rows straight!
If you’re anywhere near Baldock, come and have a look for yourself (details below!)

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober  2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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April Showers

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Yesterday we had the first proper April shower this year, only 25 days into the month! Before that we’ve had days of solid rain only. This was a shower of biblical proportions along with added hail and sudden gusts of wind…

April showers,
rain and hail,
there’s a Storm Warning,
was it in the Mail?
Last week sunshine,
warmer than the Med,
‘Phew! What a Scorcher!’
The headlines could have said!
Next week frost?
Could there be snow?
We’ll not be asking journalists,
because they simply do not know!

May today be a pleasant warm spring day with no surprises!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Bootsale starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober  2018
www.u-boot.co.uk
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Road-Mending Fairy!

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Yesterday was a lovely sunny and warm day. In fact it was just the sort of day to sit in a pub by the river with an ice-cold glass of beer! As I am lacking in any sort of common sense I chose the day to mend the pot-holes on the back drive leading to our industrial units…

Being stupid,
and devoid of common sense,
I chose the warmest April day,
to mend the roadway by the fence.
The back drive is now,
like an ‘effin motorway,
all the pot holes have disappeared,
the Road-Mending Fairy’s gone away!
He built up a thirst,
a few beers cannot quell,
and now he doesn’t care,
he’s legless (can’t you tell?)
So next time you see a pothole,
spare a thought for the guy,
who shovels in the filler,
under a furnace April sky!

Enjoy your day and may there be no potholes to give you a bumpy ride!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Winning Ways!

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Despite being plagued by sales calls, I seem to have enjoyed an immunity from nuisance texts. That was until yesterday when I had two, one to tell me that the bank account I don’t have has gone into overdraft, the other to say that the ‘new me’, Natasha, is eligible to win £13,000. I always suspected that one day I’d be a winner…

My name is now Natasha,
so this text does show,
are they hiding something from me,
that I ought to know?
Will I suddenly wear a skirt,
in order to claim the prize?
Or possibly there will be,
eye-shadow around my eyes!
I don’t think it will fool anyone,
they must have made a mistake,
there’s probably no prize money,
it’s just the p*** they take!

Here’s hoping you’re a winner today, have fun and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Hope for the Future!

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Many of my generation take great pleasure in criticising the youth of today. They wear the phrase ‘…in my day’ as a badge of honour designed to suggest that youngsters of today have it easier, don’t work as hard and there is little hope for the future.
Yesterday I met a young lad who filled me with confidence about the future of agricultural engineering. Tom works for P. Tuckwell at Cromer in Herts, our local John Deere dealership and came to the farm to deliver and fit a battery to the mower. However, when was done, he spotted a mistake in fitting a belt that I had made and used incredible people skills, not only in pointing this out to a customer he’d never met before, but in such a way that didn’t make me feel incompetent or stupid, before helping me to rectify my mistake.
The confidence that I felt afterwards, in both him and his employer, shows that despite much having changed since ‘…in my day’, there are some very skilled young people out there and the future is looking bright, especially in agricultural engineering…

The skill of a young engineer,
from a dealer in this case John Deere,
to be able to spot,
when something looks right but is not,
and impress a grumpy old farmer,
deserves a beer!

Many thanks to Tom of Tuckwell’s and best wishes for the future and apologies for getting you to pose for the photo!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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April Downpours!

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I am struggling to remember such a wet start to April, even the rain gauge has held up the white flag of surrender. However, like a hangover, you know it’s not going to last or at least that’s what a bloke called Noah told me…

A lake has appeared that’s on no map,
it’s down to the weather to take the rap,
April showers are not to blame,
just constant enduring steady rain.
It seems to be the shape of a goat,
looks large enough to sail a boat!
But as in all things it’ll fade away
and be forgotten by this time in May!!

It’s time to replace those old comfy but holed wellies!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Breakfast Buffet!

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Many years ago in the far-off mists of time we used to rear turkeys for the Christmas market. Only one reminder of that time remains in the yard, a galvanized feeding trough which we now use to put out feed for our guard geese. However, as is the case with a free breakfast buffet, others make use of it too…

Saw a sight this morning,
made me splutter and cough,
two pheasants were standing,
in the geese’s trough!
Another was shouting,
“I think it’s very rude,
that you’re standing,
in someone else’s food!”
The cock pheasant said,
“I don’t think that I am,
and frankly my dear,
I don’t give a damn!”

Dedicated to anyone who may have been barged out of the way this morning at a hotel breakfast buffet! May the guilty suffer indigestion all morning!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Walking Like a Reality Star!

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Yesterday I found myself in ‘School-mode’ forty-four years since I last sat behind a desk. I was sitting at my laptop, thinking empty thoughts and staring out of the window! In the distance a Canada goose walked towards the wood and just for a split second I had a vision of a famous reality-rear…

She twerks like a reality-star,
as she walks away,
her hips take on a life of their own,
as they begin to sway.
She always looks back,
to make sure we can see,
as if she’s teasing us:
“Look at me, look at me, look at me!”

…and then dazzled by her star quality, I grabbed the camera and headed towards the wood to capture a picture of her in all her glory!
I was duped and she was papped!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
Season starts 7am Saturday 14thApril 2018
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Elusive Money Tree

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I had an old uncle who always used to say that he had spent his life looking for the Money Tree. He assured me that it was to be found in the least expected part of many farms and despite exhaustive searching he’d never managed to set eyes on it. However some farmers have been known to find that tree, it’s known as a ‘crop of chimneys’, otherwise known as planning permission…

Robert farmed his small holding,
he’d been there all his life,
Kath was born down the road,
over fifty years his wife.
Now they and their farm are gone,
a crop of chimneys there instead,
they never found a money tree,
was too late now they’re dead.

But all is not lost you know,
don’t view this with alarm,
children now grow up and play,
on what was once their farm.

Baldock is expanding and will soon have grown to be unrecognisable. We cannot just look at the downside as there will be homes for many families of the future. Times they are a-changing.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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