Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

Aprollocks in June!

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G Bards DiaryI was looking through Great-Grandfather Bard’s diary and came across an entry for 31st May 1878. ‘Rayne and hayle all day, Father used to singe at this time of yeare’:

‘In merrye olde England in Maye
My Trussock would sing every daye
“one brantag while scrollocking in June,
means aprollock wone be ‘ere too soon”’

Translation:
Trussock: Young servant girl, occasionally used to mean young goat or gerbil.
Brantag: A sittingroom fire lit in the early afternoon sometimes used to suggest a cold afternoon.
Scrollocking: The sound of hail on the cattle yard roof.
Apollock: A perfect hay-making day, warm sun with a slight breeze that dries the hay quickly.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
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Russell Crow!

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IMG_0008_2A friend is hand-rearing a crow that was taken to the local vet as a fledgling. As you may have guessed, she has called it Russell. Crows are amongst the most intelligent animals on earth, they can mimic sounds, build structures using hand-tools and write entire novels with a blunt pencil. In fact, believe it or not, today’s verse is Russell’s first ever published work, using beak on keyboard…

Russell is a Crow!
As bold as bold can be,
He’s spent his life being hand reared,
Not living in a tree!
But soon will come the day,
Released into the wild,
And Val will say ‘cheerio’,
To her angelic little child!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Twitter: @baldockbard
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The Beauty of Bovines!

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Grazing CattleIf there is one group of farm animals that are eminently watchable but largely ignored in art, it is cattle. Horses and sheep have found their way onto canvas via the brushes of some very famous artists, but few pictures of cows have made it into the nation’s galleries. There is nothing more relaxing than sitting quietly on a sunny day, watch this most graceful of creatures. Conversely, given a cold damp morning as they line up for the milking parlour, their glamour is instantly replaced by mud and muck. However in a photograph this is soon forgotten…

In the Bovine Olympics
They’re having a race,
To see who can eat the most.

They hope that Mo Farah,
Don’t turn up with his ‘barrow’
And pip them all at the post!

They munch at the grass,
Rhythmically not fast,
You can tell that they’re engrossed!

It’s strange to concede,
That as you watch them feed,
They will feed you as a roast!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Twitter: @baldockbard
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National Warming Wanted!

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Hay 13.1We Brits love to gripe about the weather. We are a bit like two terriers, who’ll turn on each other if there’s no other dog to rag with! If we didn’t have the weather as a major part of our conversation, we’d have to find fault with other parts of our lives, and that might well show up our inadequacies! So here we are again, nearing the end of June, longest day behind us, and we have a committee of weathermen meeting somewhere looking into global warming. Now national warming, I’d like to see, just for a few days, just for long enough so I can make the bloody hay, to feed animals I don’t have. I must be daft (but then if you have read more than a few of my daily blogs, that will come as no surprise!)…

If you’re wondering where the sun has gone,
The days are full of gloom,
There’s still the chance of a touch of frost,
Don’t worry it’s the end of June!
And if you’re looking to park the blame,
“It’s his fault you want to say!”
Point the finger firmly at me,
We’re busy making hay!
As soon at the mower leaves the shed,
And the baler from hibernation awakes,
Global warming’s not here now,
Haymaking’s all it takes!
Hay 13.2© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Twitter: @baldockbard
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An Angry Old Man gets Phone Rage!

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MastIt’s finally happened! Yesterday, as a result of mobile-phone signal rage, I turned into Angry Old Man! The transformation (without even a phone box in sight), to a tweed-crusader with raised walking-stick and flat cap, was instantaneous. One moment I was sitting in the office awaiting an important text, the next I was stalking around the farmyard in search of a phone signal with ears steaming like a kettle! The situation was not helped when son-in-law Bard showed me the perfect signal on his phone! It was only when cancelling my contract that I was struck by the ‘bleedin obvious’: I ought to be using a signal from the tall metal structure 1000yds away in our own wood! I went into Stevenage where two very calm and charming people, George and Sara, showed me the future…

What comes after O2?
Why! It has to be 3!
I’ve moved my phone contract,
From the progeny of BT!
I went into Stevenage,
Had quite a shock,
George and Sara were helpful,
in 3’s town-centre shop!
It was not long before,
(They’d not twisted my arm),
I was receiving a full signal,
Everywhere on the farm!
There’s only one problem,
No more can I say,
“Didn’t have a signal,
When you rang me today!”

The staff at the 3 phone shop in Queensgate Stevenage are awarded the following award for surprisingly good service. Thank you George and Sara from the Baldock Bard. I thought  as I left the shop: “They deserve a Gold Star” so here it is!
Baldock-Bard-Gold-Star-Award-300x291
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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‘Precious’ a New Arrival on the Farm!

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PreciousWe have had a big surprise on the farm! Our team of geese, who have always been most proficient at laying un-fertilized eggs, have at last managed to produce a chick! Unfortunately their security is so tight that it would be easier to break into a top-security prison than take a good photo of the new arrival (see above!). Getting anywhere near requires the agricultural version of a prison officer’s riot control shield and a stout broom! Naturally with eight proud guardians and one surprised mother the infant has been given the name ‘Precious’…
Goose Riot ControlThe geese on the farm are very cross,
When anyone approaches their stable,
We know they’ve got a chick in there,
We think the mother is Mabel!

We approach the guards with a dustbin lid,
In the other hand a broom,
There’s a lot of screeching and extending of necks,
As we fight to make some room!

And there behind mum is a little yellow chick,
Precious squeaks beneath her wing,
Quickly grab a fuzzy-hazy snap,
And leave as our ears ring!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Visiting Big Sky Country!

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Fen1Yesterday son-in-law John and I travelled north to the Fens. These are the UK’s answer to Montana – Big Sky Country. However we weren’t there to look at the long-range view, but to visit the co-operative that sells all our grain and see their new multi-million pound store. I hadn’t been there for nearly ten years and like an aged uncle at a family reunion was tempted to do some head-patting and say “My, haven’t you grown!” However perhaps the most important part was meeting the staff, most of whom I knew so well on the phone but had never met…
Fen 2The Cambridgeshire Fens are very very flat,
You can see for miles, just fancy that!
Up near March is a large grain store,
It’s called Fengrain (I’ve mentioned them before!)
They sell our oats, beans and wheat,
Because they’re a co-operative it means we can compete.
I drove up to Wimblington just yesterday,
For their new stores opening on a bright and sunny day!
We had a trip around the enormous store,
All so much bigger than it ever was before!
But that’s not the reason I drove all the way from home,
I got to meet the people I know only on the phone!
So thank-you Fengrainers for all you do for me,
Without your caring expertise the poorer I would be!
Fen 3Dedicated to all the wonderful staff who have made Fengrain such a success over the last 40 years!
© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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A Farmer Went to Mow (without his dog)!

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JCB+BatwingOne question I’m constantly being asked is, “How do you keep the grass at the boot sale looking so good?” I’m afraid it has little to do with magic or skill, we simply have a large ‘bat-wing’ mower that fits onto our JCB Fastrac tractor. The pitches are then marked out using a small John Deere ride-on. No fairy dust or magic, just two clever machines, sorry to spoil your illusions…

A farmer went to mow,
Went to mow a boot sale,
With JCB and mower- see!
Went to mow the boot sale.
His son-in-law went to mow,
Went to mow the pitches,
With a ride on mower to cut grass lower,
Went to mow the pitches!
You could all come and mow,
Come to mow a meadow!
You will see that it’s easy!
Come and mow a meadow!
JD Ride-on© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Hidden English Garden!

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IMG_0098Sometimes in life you are lucky to come across a view that takes your breath away. It may be a sunset, a painting in a gallery, a photograph in a magazine or even a small baby asleep! The other day I was walking through a beautiful Cambridgeshire village, bemoaning the fact that most of the gardens had impenetrable high walls, when I came across an open door. Whether the glimpse into forbidden territory made it more special, I couldn’t say, but there lay a beautiful garden. As a disinterested gardener I was most surprised at my reaction, maybe it’s old age…

I was walking through a village,
A chocolate-box cover sort of place!
When I came across an open door,
That made my old heart start to race!
Now Americans might have ‘a back yard’
And others may not seem to care,
But to sneak a peak into a garden here,
Is something special that hits you there!
I couldn’t name the flowers,
The weeds I’d probably pardon!
But it’s true I love the view,
Of a hidden English garden!
IMG_0099With gracious thanks to the owner for leaving the door open thus allowing me to peek into their truly beautiful hidden world.

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Percy the Owl

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Percy the OwlAs part of our certification process to ensure quality and traceability of our crops we have to ensure that any storage area is vermin-free. When I was a boy on the farm we kept pigs in open-fronted sheds, as a result there were swarms of sparrows and starlings. Fast-forward over forty years and numbers are depleted to just a handful to be seen around the buildings. It has always been a challenge to keep sparrows away from grain in a shed until we enlisted the help of an owl called Percy…

We have an owl called Percy that lives in our shed,
His effect on sparrows – fantastic!
What they don’t know,
‘Cos it doesn’t show,
He is made of plastic!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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