Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life

The Christmas Carcass!

Posted on by
Share

According to the media, yesterday was ‘Frazzled Friday’. This was the day when holiday excess finally took its toll and reality dawned! Apparently too much rich food and the realization that there is little left in the bank led not only to Presidents cutting short their vacations but also had us mere mortals heading for the sofa and an ‘another chance to see’ programme on the box. Be a dear and pass the Rennies…

One in two Britons spent the day on the sofa,
Holding their stomachs and feeling hung-over!
More than 70 percent have had rellies to stay,
One day too long most of them say!
Grandma and the kids are the least favoured guest
While Grandad’s have been voted by all as the best!
64 percent of households will have seen lots of tears
Stoked by 65 units of alcohol or so it appears!
The average adult will have piled on 4 pounds,
And a third will have an overdraft worse than it sounds!
The turkey (now curried) bringing flatulence I fear,
We’re just about ready to celebrate the New Year!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

 

 

 

Share

The Christmas Tractor!

Posted on by
Share

Christmas is all about giving. This Christmas there has been another family member around the table. I make no apologies for spoiling my new granddaughter although the choice of gifts has caused a few raised eyebrows…

What’s been great about Christmas, let me just tell you,
Has been spoiling my new Granddaughter, yes, I know it’s true!
I may have gone somewhat overboard,
But as we shopped the present pile soared!
One great moment she gave me,
Was when she smiled at the toy JCB!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

 

Share

Let’s Talk Turkey!

Posted on by
Share

Do you ever stop and consider where your food comes from? Even as a food producer my mind seldom wanders further than the packet on the shelf in the supermarket. We are blessed in this part of the UK with high-quality suppliers and producers. Sometimes we are even lucky enough to know exactly where our food comes from…

John and Sue farm near here
In the run-up to Christmas they disappear!
Not seen here not seen there
‘Plucking’ turkeys everywhere!
Out and about in all weathers
Sue’s seasonal hairstyle includes feathers!
“Let’s Talk Turkey!” is what they say
They’ll want peace come Christmas Day!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share

The Phoenix Rises!

Posted on by
Share

On August 16th, during harvest, my trusty Isuzu did a passable impersonation of an Olympic Torch! Since then I have hired, begged and borrowed a succession of vehicles while ‘those in the know’ searched for a suitable replacement. John W, a late entrant into this vehicular marathon came up on the inside to take the tape first! I now drive incognito…

Local farmers think something’s fishy
I now drive a Mitsubishi!
Some are asking if it’s on hire
Others are looking for signs of fire!
It looks brand-new because it’s so clean
It’s tidy enough to give a lift to the Queen!
So if you see it parked in the yard
It’s not a celebrity but the Baldock Bard!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share

A Stable Delivery!

Posted on by
Share

Yesterday we made inroads into our haystack (see bards passim: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=784 & http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=917) by delivering a hundred bales to a local stable yard. This we stacked in a stable (with more success than in our own barn!). It was a sunny morning and the view from the high tractor cab on the journey was superb…
We delivered a hundred bales of hay
To a stable not far away
There wasn’t a star
To shine from afar
No wise men carting bales there today!

We drove the roads for a time
The view over hedges sublime
The frost in the lee
Of an ancient oak tree
Pretty seasonal grass-covered in rime!
We stacked the bales in the stable
With skill we knew we were able
The stack was quite tall
We hope it won’t fall
To emulate the Tower of Babel!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

FOR DELICIOUS HAY
(Local deliveries only)
E-MAIL: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share

Early Christmas Card!

Posted on by
Share

We’ve had a sudden snowfall overnight of about two inches! Where did that come from? (Don’t answer that as I’m well aware that it comes from the sky!) I hadn’t seen a weather forecast for some days and so it was a surprise. Unfortunately it’s not here to stay and so we’ll soon be left with slush, so we might as well appreciate it while it’s here…

Woke up this morning,
What a surprise!
Tons of icing sugar,
Had fallen from the skies!

Two inches of snow,
Covering everything.
The whole world is silent,
No birds around to sing.

No traffic on the road,
Roaring up and down,
Not an aircraft in the sky,
Nothing at all around!

The snow’s a little bit slushy,
The ground underneath isn’t hard.
Thank you Mother Nature,
For your early Christmas Card!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share

A Church by Candlelight!

Posted on by
Share

On Saturday night our local church held an Advent Carol Service. At a time when apparently religion is on the back-foot and churches are reported as being emptier than before, it was surprising and gratifying to see it full.

Something stirs in the churchyard tonight,
Not ghosts nor ghouls nor anything fright.
Just masses of people climbing the path,
Going to church? Don’t make me laugh!
Inside the church no electric light,
Hundreds of candles burning bright.
The choir sings in harmony with a perfect note,
If they were on ‘X’ Factor they’d get my vote!
There’s been no vicar for over 12 months now,
While the heirachy deliberate, the what, when and how!
I suppose they’ve been busy casting their votes,
Women Bishops? “Nah! We’ll stick with blokes!”
They’re keen on cutting back vicars on the ground,
Administrative centres crowd with desk-bound!
But my one big issue with the church heirachy…
They’ve appointed an Archbishop who’s younger than me!

Meanwhile back in the church the candles still gleam,
There’s no bishop or archdeacon… anywhere to be seen!
© Baldock Bard 2012

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share

It’s a Farmer’s Life!

Posted on by
Share

Sunday morning half asleep,
Go outside to feed the sheep!
Milk the cows and give them hay
Feed the pigs on milky whey!
Then the geese also the hens,
A farmer’s work never ends.
But I’m afraid I’m lying again,
Because all I farm… is just grain!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

Replace (at) with @

Share

Dolly’s Hospital Stay!

Posted on by
Share

It is never easy when an animal is taken ill. Unlike some people, who rush to the doctor with every bump, scrape or minor discomfort, animals are reluctant to tell the vet what is wrong. Dolly the Horse (She on the farm who must be obeyed!) competed in a dressage competition on Sunday before being taken seriously ill. So worried was the vet that she spent 24 hours at the Royal Veterinary College under observation. Thankfully she is now back on the farm and is bossing everyone about once more…

Dolly the horse went out for the day,
No grass in the field, no eating hay.
She went to an event to compete.
But her day ended up incomplete.
After the competition she fell ill,
The vet was called – no magic pill.
Not allowed home but instead,
Ended up in a hospital bed!
Sweating and shivering she’d had a fright,
Just to be sure, kept in overnight.
The chickens noted that she’d not risen,
Wondered if she’d gone to prison!
The silly geese with no GCSEs,
Were able to patrol the farm with ease!
But everyone else had fingers crossed,
It was too quiet not being bossed!
The nosey ducks had heard somebody say:
“It’s possible that she’ll be back today!”
But nobody believes a duck called Bill,
When Dolly’s stable was quiet and still.
But late last night when the sky was black,
A shout went up “DOLLY IS BACK!” 

With our grateful thanks to the duty vet who tended to Dolly and the staff at the Royal Veterinary College for their kindness and care.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Baldock Car Boot Sale returns after Easter 2013!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Bob the Postman!

Posted on by
Share

So many things in life have changed over the years. Most of the time change is only noticed when it’s too late. In rural locations the daily visit from the postman with his little red van is so much more important than just the delivery of letters. They are important eyes and ears, not just spotting rural crime but also keeping a friendly eye on the elderly and infirm in isolated properties. Perhaps when politicians and managers are next considering the way forward for Royal Mail this should be taken into consideration as an argument for continued public ownership, rather than discriminating once again against countryside-dwellers.

Bob, our postman has no fear,
He wears shorts throughout the year.
Come high winds snow or rain,
He’ll be wearing shorts again!

Without our Postmen we’d be lost,
We must keep them at all cost.
You can tell it’s Bob from half a mile,
Because he also wears a smile!

Dedicated to all our Posties who are a constant source of national pride at a time when the helpfulness of individuals is often overlooked.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard

The Baldock Car Boot Sale returns after Easter 2013!
www.u-boot.co.uk
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Share