Falling Leaves!

Posted on November 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The other night on the local news an expert was talking about the spread of ‘Ash Tree Die-back Fungus’. Amongst other useful pointers he gave was an appeal to viewers to “be on the look out for trees with leaves turning brown and falling.” Not being in the least bit cynical as to the validity of advice from an ‘expert’, but I was under the impression that all trees (apart from evergreens) had leaves that turned brown and fell off in the autumn…

Toddlers in bright-coloured wellington boots,
Kick at dead leaves – don’t give two hoots!
It used to be Park-keepers who cleared the path narrow,
With a swish of a rake and wooden wheelbarrow!
Now they have gone replaced by contractors,
With their noisy leaf-blowers and path-blocking tractors!
Later the leaves on the rails will all congregate,
To give an excuse why the train runs again-so-late!
It’s not the fault of experts or indeed crime,
It’s just what happens every year at Autumn time!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard

The Baldock Car Boot Sale returns after Easter 2013! 

www.u-boot.co.uk

E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

Replace (at) with @

An Oily Issue!

Posted on November 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There’s nothing worse than having an inkling that a machine is about to break down. It normally happens when time is minimum and stress is maximum. The other day I was loading a lorry with wheat and I just knew there was trouble ahead. The JCB dealer’s mechanic listened to my amateurish explanation and fixed the problem…

I was loading a lorry up with wheat
The load was not quite complete
When suddenly an awful pong
Something dire seemed to be wrong
It wasn’t me I have to tell
Smelt of oil – JCB not well
I rang the dealer before too late
Sent engineer to investigate
He looked from on top
He looked from below
“It’s a problem with the switch
That makes the circuit go!”
We’ve got one in stock but not on the van,
Be mended just as quick as I can!”
Now the machine is mended
I cannot complain
We were going to use it
But it’s pouring down with rain!
With grateful thanks to AT Oliver (http://www.atoliver.co.uk) for their first-class service delivered by exceptional staff.

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook Friends: Baldock Bard

The Baldock Car Boot Sale returns after Easter 2013!
www.u-boot.co.uk
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

The Wheat Cheque!

Posted on November 1, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The wheat cheque has arrived! For an arable (or crop-growing) farmer, the arrival of the wheat cheque is a most important time of the farming year. Without it no seed is put in the ground, no nutrients are fed to the crop and no harvest can take place. When I first started out on my own, twenty years ago, wheat was worth £150 per ton. This year, for the first time since 1992, it has climbed back above that level. During that time everything needed to grow the crop has increased in price: fuel, fertilizer, spare parts and machinery etc. At its lowest, the value of a ton of wheat fell to £56. Perceived value of food also fell, it was judged to be more important to own the latest i-Anything than have food on the table. With world shortages of food arriving at our doorstep, rather than being the exclusive preserve of poorer parts, the job done by a farmer and the food he produces may just be valued once more…

The wheat cheque has landed on the mat
I sigh with relief “thank heavens for that!”
It’s even more than I first thought
Bills can be paid – fertilizer bought
But I spare a moment for those whose crop
Has either failed or had a quality drop
There will be less food to go around this year
Let’s hope it’s less disastrous than it would appear
With grateful thanks to everyone at Fengrain Co-operative ( http://www.fengrain.co.uk) for ensuring that my wheat cheque is guaranteed to arrive on time every time!

The Baldock Car Boot Sale returns after Easter 2013!
www.u-boot.co.uk
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

JCB vs iPhone!

Posted on October 24, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

‘Never a borrower nor a lender be,’ according to the old saying. I had left my cell phone in the office and had to make a call in the grain store. I borrowed John’s with disastrous consequences…

“Can I borrow your iPhone?”
I said to John yesterday
I made the call then put it down
Where I could not say!

“Where did you put my iPhone?”
John asked while filling a sack
I couldn’t quite remember
So I tracked my movements back

I had driven the JCB into the barn
When I’d gone to sweep the floor
The iPhone had been in my overalls
I went to look next door

I found the iPhone laying on the floor
With realisation swore
Like an elephant sat on a cupcake
JCB 1 – iPhone nil, was the score!

Seed Time the Right Time!

Posted on October 2, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Hurrah! Next years crops are in the ground. This may sound like a celebration of nothing, but in farming terms it is most important to get this end of the growing process right and the seed into a fine warm seedbed. You can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear. For once the seedbeds have been near perfect, the weather dry with a sprinkling of rain at just the right time. Lady Luck has been with us…
Late last night when some were in bed,
James brought the drill from the field and said:
“Thank heavens that’s done for another season,
I can now watch the forecasts for a light-hearted reason!”
I looked around the shed where the seed had been,
Just a pile of big bags, empty and clean!
We’re growing Scout and Invicta wheat,
And Gerald oats makes our cropping complete.
Apart from the beans which in the spring we will sow,
We’ll now sit back and watch the crops grow!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Simply Oat Storage!

Posted on September 28, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you have parts of your job that you dislike? Maybe it’s the daily commute, filing your tax return or even putting up with those you work with? This week we have been moving oats around the grain store (to keep them in perfect condition to be worthy of your plate) where they have been stored since harvest in 60 ton bins. This operation involves a fair amount of sweeping, dust and chaff and a large amount of facial sweat behind a full-face dust mask. Most of the time everything goes well. However when things go wrong oats start to overflow over the floor, down into the deep elevator pit, between bins rather than into them or onto us! Fun it is not…
Oats by the bucketful, oats by the tonne,
We’re moving oats and not having fun!
You’d think it was easy, shifting from bin to bin,
But when things go wrong it’s oats we are in!
They fall from conveyors, they fall from height,
They get in our clothes, it’s just not right.
John’s in the bin sweeping oats out,
The dust is so thick you can’t see out!
Just at the moment you think you’ve got them all,
There’s a spillage from above and oats begin to fall!
They’re coming from bin 9 going to bin 4,
Something has happened they’re all over the floor!
Then you discover you’re really in the sh*t,
You look down the hatch they’re in the inspection pit!
Their fall from on high makes misery complete,
By falling down your shirt and ending at your feet!
So next time you’re eating porridge and burn your tongue,
It’s just those playful oats again, having final fun!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Autumn Colours!

Posted on September 20, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

September on the farm is a time to cultivate the fields ready for a new crop. Up and down the countryside tractor drivers have been putting in long hours preparing the ground. At Baldock Bard Farm, Pete has been busy…

The big John Deere is chugging away
Its rubber tracks are clean
Dust is blowing far behind
As it makes an Autumn scene

The subdisk has two rows of tines
That stirs the earth below
Discs then chop up any lumps
The forward speed is slow!
Pete is sitting in the cab
Twelve hours on his own
The only company he has got
The radio and his phone!

As you pass him in the car
Give the chap a toot!
He’s the start of your daily bread
And he doesn’t wear a suit!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Ode to Harvest!

Posted on September 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I broke a cultivator. While looking around for a suitable piece of steel to weld on and repair it I came across a bent piece of combine from many years ago. This discovery reminded me that the progress of harvest is sometimes less than smooth. Later I received a text from a friend: ‘broke combine after 3 hectares!’ I sat down and penned the following…

The screeching of bearings
The squealing of belts
The groaning of steel upon steel
That heart sinking feeling as you turn off the engine
And harvest becomes very still

Climb down the steps
Inquisitively anxious
Alone in the furthest far field
You open the guards smell burning rubber
Bang goes the profit and yield!

You call up the dealer
Explain to the storeman
Who wrestles with non-technical speak
Some of the parts are out of the country
They had one on the shelf last week!

It sits in the workshop
Disrobed and abandoned
The weather outside fine and bright
All you can hear is the sounds of the neighbours
They have been cutting all night!

One part is missing
(The one that is vital)
A forty mile dash is to do
On the way back you wave to your neighbour
His has broken down too!

At last the mechanic
Re-assembles the pieces
Repacks his toolbox again
You open the doors to continue with harvest
Alas it’s pouring with rain!
© Baldock Bard 2012

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Harvest Home!

Posted on September 7, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Last night we finished harvest. This year more than any other we are truly counting our blessings that we have a small farm, as all over the country there are many acres of wheat still to harvest. This is not only due to the wet summer, but also the wheat straw was still green while the seed was ripe. Modern harvesters require the straw to be dry in order to maximize throughput of the crop therefore covering vast areas in minimum time. By the time the straw was ready the grain was rapidly loosing both quality and value. As we only had a small acreage we were able to struggle on with greenish straw and get the grain while still good. The yields may not be record-breakers but everything is in the barn. The last crop to harvest were the beans…

Two questions that I’m always asked,
At this time of year:
“What’s that black crop in the field?”
Or “that crop looks dead I fear!”
That black crop is field beans,
Either planted winter or spring,
It’s what is known as a ‘break crop’,
Allows a rotation of crops to begin.
When harvested it’s dusty,
(But not in an air-con cab!)
We have to catch them before they fall out,
Beans left on the ground is bad!
Back in the barn they rattle,
Much noisier than wheat or oats,
In six months or so they will go,
To feed pigs, cattle or goats.
So now the harvest is over,
But there is just no time,
We’re already cultivating for next year,
(But that’s another day’s rhyme!)
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow at 7am!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Public Sunflower Failure!

Posted on September 1, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes the very best intentions go awry. In farming, mistakes that lead to spectacular weed growth almost always happen next to the road where sufferers of ‘Farmer’s Neck’ will be able to see and snigger (Farmers Neck: The ability to rotate head by 360 degrees to view a neighbours crops while driving past). The sniggering isn’t out of spite but a nervous reaction that suggests ‘there by the grace of God go I’ at the same time praising the fact it is somebody else’s turn. Yet again I am the source of Farmers neck…

There are places on my farm,
Where cock-ups should not be made.
More visible than at a wedding,
Toasting the couple with Lucozade!

Twice I drilled some sunflowers,
I thought they’d look fine,
Next to the car boot entrance,
Yellow soldiers all in a line!

First the frost came and killed them,
So I planted some more seeds,
I really don’t know what happened,
All that came were weeds!

So look for Fat Hen and Poppy,
If you visit the car boot sale,
And don’t let me catch you smirking,
At my public sunflower fail!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Farm and Countryside Life