Category Archives: Food

Old Age Education

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StudentsIt has been said that life is circular. We start off totally reliant on others, go through a learning phase with education, reproduce, then at an advanced age once again becoming reliant on others. I seem to be going through a second ‘education phase’ the first one having been spectacularly unsuccessful…

I went to Harper Adams University,
an agricultural drone course just for pilots,
we learnt farmers growing produce,
fields of crops not pots of violets!

In a classroom we studied Powerpoint
“This is wheat,” the lecturer said,
I became confused and worried,
most of it went over my head!

When I was young farming was simple,
wellies tweed cap and a dog!
Now I’m aged I learn new phrases,
Precision Farming with my drone log!

I don’t seem able to stop learning,
unfortunately it’s just too late,
not long from now I’ll be retiring,
overeducated to shut the gate!

With many thanks to all those at Harper Adams University College who made an old man most welcome. I just wish I’d been forty years younger!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Coffee Jar!

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Coffee jarMonday mornings can be difficult, we all have our own rituals, likes and dislikes. This morning sees me in the depths of Staffordshire, however I was able to indulge myself in a most satisfying ritual, opening a new coffee jar as I find myself in a house of tea-drinkers…

The coffee jar I brought,
foil covering is new,
I got to grab it first,
(excitements I have few!)
I opened up the lid,
an experience sublime,
Someone was there before me,
I opened it last time!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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Friday Beans!

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This morning I have to move beans from the store to the barn in preparation for a lorry next week. Field beans are not only very dusty but also extremely noisy, so I’m in for a peaceful morning, not…

Beans, beans, good for the heart,
moving them is quite an art.
The more you move them,
the more knackered you feel
‘tis why moving beans has no appeal!

Here’s hoping your day is more peaceful than mine. Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Dustie!

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The other day I came out of the grain store, as usual covered in dust. During the wheat sweeping process I’d been immersed in dense dust and with chaff blown around by the air sweep floors of the bins. These are supposed to clear the bins, however, like me, they are old and knackered and so help is needed…

I came out of the store covered in dust,
I thought to myself ‘a selfies’ a must!
Dust and wheat were everywhere,
down my back and in my hair.
On my shoulders it lay like freshly-fallen snow,
you’ll never guess where grains can go!
I went to the workshop to the compressor so trusty,
but before I used it I posed for a ‘Dustie!’

Have a great dust-free day!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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The Three Visiting Hens!

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3 HensWe have three hens staying at the farm. I realise that most people have just human visitors, but regular readers will know that there is not much normal on this farm! These guests are easy to please, have no complaints and don’t engage in lengthy conversations at breakfast time…

Three visiting hens are contented,
grateful for breakfast wheat,
no complicated agendas,
to make their lives complete.

They have no need for credit card,
no pocket for loose change,
they’ve never seen a bank manager,
would think a mortgage strange!

They’ve never heard of television,
news comes not from a box,
religion is unfamiliar,
only terrorist is a fox!

They know not of politicians,
not lies, not war, not hate,
their only overriding fear:
avoidance of human plate!

Best wishes from the three guests! Here’s hoping that your day is as uncomplicated as theirs (wouldn’t that make a change!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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The Remarkable Traffic Warden!

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We all love to hate Traffic Wardens and complain (as much as a three-year-old when caught stuffing todays post down the toilet!) when we are ticketed. Sometimes they can be accused of being over-zealous, however in my limited experience they can sometimes be most human…

Strutting around towns they march,
expressions as if they’re faces starched,
handing out tickets left and right,
acting as if they’ve a God-given might!

We are lucky in Baldock Town,
many a smile, hardly a frown,
Should you ever piss you take,
your number goes down from your plate!

Not long ago I was just collecting,
a tasty take-away was expecting,
“I’m so sorry, please do not scold!”
“Hurry along before your meal gets cold!”

No need to offer twice,
Thank you for ensuring no cold rice!

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our cars, but in ourselves, for we are underlings!’ Have a great day and avoid fines of any sort!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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Not Taking Terns!

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TernsUnlike in humans, where greed is deplorable, in nature it’s often a means of survival. Recently on the river, my 3-year-old granddaughter threw some stale bread for the ducks. The resultant melee would have done justice to a saloon in the Wild West…

Like diners at an ‘all you can eat buffet’,
the terns fought over our bread,
no ‘excuse me’ or ‘pardon my manners’
but fighting and squawking instead!

“Why are they fighting?” she asked me,
“They’re greedy for food,” I replied,
they reminded me of hotel guests,
queuing for their hot breakfast fried!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Launch Invitation!

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SupercarSelling a commodity is never a precise art. Here on the farm I use a co-operative called Fengrain to sell my wheat for me as I am a grower not a seller! I guesstimate my crop in January, work out when my cash-flow needs life-saving injections and the professionals do the rest! They are able to sell through the year and I am able to relax a little. This year, in a time of rock-bottom prices not seen since the early-Eighties they have so far sold at levels beyond my wildest hopes…

My cash-flow sighed with contentment,
when the money came in from the wheat,
it wasn’t the best of the last years,
but for this year was a real treat!
We have grown used to advertising,
tailored on Facebook and Twitter,
in my case it is many drone-things,
and ways of getting much fitter!
But I wasn’t expecting the postman,
to anticipate better prices so far,
by delivering an invitation,
for the launch of a Porsche supercar!

…Thanks to Fengrain for making my wheat values so much better, but I’m sorry to disappoint you Mr Porsche, they aren’t that good!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Late Tomato Harvest!

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TomatoYesterday a friend proudly showed me his tomato plants. Unfortunately mid-October is a little late for ripening them outdoors. I predict chutney making…

Our friend Alex has grown tomatoes,
proud of his horticultural skill,
it’s a shame that they won’t ripen,
Eating them now could make him ill.
However he’s not at all disheartened,
not erratic or even fickle,
“A great success” or so he says,
Monday morning he’ll make pickle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Confucius He Say…!

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Drill 4Good old Confucius left a whole host of sayings when he shuffled off his mortal coil. We all have our favourites, mine being: ‘May you live in interesting times’. Unfortunately when he wrote this, he didn’t say whether he meant good or bad times. At the moment we are planting wheat with an uncertain future. All commodity prices are on the floor and there is little confidence amongst food producers. However, despite this uncertainty, I find these are also exciting times as we farmers constantly re-evaluate everything in our fields. Maybe Confucius was right…

We’re planting wheat,
they forecast rain,
I wish they’d keep it,
back in Spain!
This time last year,
we’d shut the gate,
this year’s plantings,
a trifle late.
We’re also loading,
wheat from the barn,
worth bugger-all,
cause for alarm.
But what is this?
in high street shops,
massive mark-ups,
on all their stocks.
I’m not saying,
“I don’t care”
but at least I’m vertical
and breathing air!

Thank you Confucius; Happy Days!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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