The Playful Kitten!

Posted on September 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I recently stayed with friends who have a new cat. Can’t remember its name but it was very sweet and sat on my lap purring away. Like all kittens it was prone to sudden playful movement. It also had sharp claws…

A little cat
sat on my knee,
purred a song,
just for me.

“Please don’t think me,
at all rude,
Could I ask you,
for a little food?”

He was startled,
Claws sunk in,
From now on,
Soprano I’ll sing!

N.B. This is fiction.
There is no greater crime than criticising friend’s children or pets.
Be warned: it could lead to ostracisation and meals for one.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Baling Team!

Posted on September 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On the farm this year I took a gamble, I decided to bale all the straw that had been left by the combine. In past years we have used the combine’s straw chopper that leaves almost no evidence behind but finely-chopped straw and dust. This year required steady nerves with so much straw lying in rows and wet weather day after day. However John, Stevie and the rest of the baling team arrived and soon the straw was gone and only rows of large bales remained…

Like Mad March Hares the balers chase,
each other up rows of straw.
The ever-munching mechanical mouths,
Always hungry for more!

All that’s left behind them,
enormous brick-like bales,
destined to travel miles from here,
North South East or Wales!

So thanks to all the baling team,
turner, baler, stacker or boss!
You all made it look as easy,
as eating candy floss!
Have a great weekend, see you next week!

Christmas is Coming!

Posted on September 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I knew it was a late harvest but I had no idea how late! A foray into my local supermarket the other day proved just how tardy we have been with our harvesting. September may only just be into double figures but already we are being advised to buy for the future…

August has only just flown past,
leaves from the trees still stuck on fast.
Out is the field wheat still stands,
ruining farmer’s September plans.
Lo! What’s this on the supermarket shelf?
Reminders of Santa, reindeer and elf!
You must buy now or so they say,
only 105 days to go ‘till Christmas day!

Appearing next week in a supermarket near you – Easter Eggs!

Miss Martin My Harvest Companion!

Posted on September 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This time of year I have a constant companion. We meet out in fields of wheat and beans away from prying eyes. I know just which buttons to press and she responds with sweet numbers! Yesterday I managed to score a sweet seventeen, but it was not what I desired…

Out in the fields we meet,
Miss Moisture Meter and me,
she grinds up beans and wheat,
will we continue harvest before tea?

I hold her in my arms,
I know which buttons to press,
she unveils some secret numbers,
I hope will lead to success!

Suddenly she became spiteful,
moisture too wet by far,

my wife asked, “Where’s your friend?”
I’d left her in the car!

In order to store grain it needs to be around 14% moisture and cooler than 20 degrees. The latter is easy to achieve this year, but the former only achieved by using expensive drying. Unfortunately the value is what we were used to in the 1980’s.

Nirvana for a Farmer!

Posted on September 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Is there a food that when you eat it, peace reigneth in your world despite what is happening around you? For me it’s coffee cake, no matter if it’s tipping down with rain on fields of ready-to-be-harvested wheat, give me a coffee cake and my woes are forgotten! My daughter’s father-in-law’s partner, Jill, has a special place in my heart. Knowing full well the weaknesses of man (in this case me!), she brings me a special treat when she comes to visit…

Jill has baked a coffee cake,
it’s so delicious for heaven’s sake.
The centre is so warm and fluffy,
like a kitten or furry puppy!
The filling is sublime and sweet,
enough to make a hummingbird tweet.
The topping, oh, such joy surpass,
that I always leave it ‘till last.
My senses are prepared for take-off,
Jill always wins my Coffee Cake Bake-off!

The weather may preclude harvesting but that’s just too bad, I’m indoors eating coffee cake! Thank you Jill!

Moving a Combine Harvester!

Posted on September 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It is 4:35 on Saturday morning and here I am, bleary-eyed and not bushy-tailed, inhailing my first coffee of the day. I can hardly believe what we did last night, it didn’t involve drink or food or merriment! We simply went harvesting in the first dry weather window for seven days! The beans were damp, the yield was minimal, but the sense of achievement was euphoric after seven days of sitting on our hands…

Some speak of great achievement,
Some gold medals accrue,
We simply harvested our smallest field,
exercised our Harvest Crew!
Moving a combine is perilous,
especially on Friday night,
apart from one or two fingers,
we managed to achieve that all right!
Bindweed wrapped the combine,
of beans not much sign,
back home within the hour,
profit? Not this time!
I’ve just had a phone call,
“Is the boot sale on?”
It’s pouring with rain in Luton,
getting out of bed was wrong!
So apologies to traffic behind us,
I know the combine moves slow,
But sometimes a half-hour window,
in the weather – we have to go!
If your weekend is spoiled by rain, blame me, as I may have angered the Weather-Gods when they were looking the other way last night! Have a good one, may luck be with you.

Wholesale Beans!

Posted on September 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There are times in our daily lives when, in hindsight, we could describe as being, “you know, like, the same-ish!” It is like that fourth cup of coffee that you’re drinking; not because you’re thirsty, or need that caffeine kick, or being sociable, it was just there! However, like suppertime when you just don’t know what you would like, there’s always the default position of baked beans…

Trying to think of what to say,
in my little verse today,
I considered writing about the news,
but it is gloomy and just views.
Of course the weather caught my eye,
but you don’t want to see a farmer cry!
I searched for a topic that was not there,
so ended up with much hot air!

Have a great weekend, full of happiness and shared with someone you love.

A Wet Harvest!

Posted on August 28, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday afternoon the sun shone, the birds sang and everything was well in the world. The crops weren’t dry enough to harvest, but they were drying… until another heavy shower dampened both wheat and spirits. My father always warned about a wet harvest…

My father once sat me upon his knee,
“Now son listen carefully to me!
Don’t you ever dare forget,
Some harvests can be soaking wet.
The wheat stands sadly row on row,
If wet too long it begins to grow.
So my farmerly advice – never forget,
Harvest when you can… tomorrow may be wet!”

Did I listen? Did I care? Nah! When you’re a kid, moralistic tales mean nothing! So here I am, an old man, waiting for the weather to change on an August Bank Holiday Weekend, which everyone doth know… is always wet! However we also know we can’t change the weather, so Happy Bank Holiday Everyone!

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Harvest (at last)!

Posted on August 22, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Just as dust was drawing in last night we started harvest. The wheat was dry and ripe, the night was cool and off we went! Luckily the crop was dry and the temperature low enough to be tipped straight onto the floor of the shed. However none of us had expected such a late night…

Harvest has started,
the dust is here again,
that we don’t mind,
so long as it is not rain!
John is carting wheat,
to the store from the field,
and tipping it in the barn,
who knows about the yield?
Suddenly it’s late,
it’s after half-past-one,
We all should be getting sleep,
ready for tomorrow’s sun!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the sun, sorry about the dust but we’re in a hurry!

Baldock Bard 2015

The Cowman’s Lament

Posted on August 17, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

When I left school I worked on a dairy farm. In those days, every country road used to see a dairy tanker in the mornings. Now I have trouble working out where my nearest milk producing farm is, I think there might be one in Essex but I’m not sure. When the price of a single cigarette is more expensive than milk, you know somethings wrong…

Old Sam used to love his cows,
more love for them than his wife allows!
‘Marlene Three’ was his dear,
She’d stamp and flick her tail in your ear!
He’d call her always “ma wee hoor!”
before she exited the parlour door.
What he’d make of milk today?
“I’m better off in heaven'” he’d say.

With love and best wishes to dairy farmers across the UK, and especially those facing a future without cows. Sam died over thirty yeas ago and cows disappeared from the farm he worked on some time later.

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Food