Fair Trade Wanted!

Posted on June 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I had a walk around the farm with Elizabeth, from the Farming and Wildlife Advisory Group, prior to a visit by a group of farmers in a fortnight. On the way round we talked around a number of topics, mainly to do with conservation. However something she said has sat at the back of my mind and is now shouting to be heard in that vast empty cavern…

Fair Trade should begin at home,
Supporting farmers now,
Instead of looking to abroad,
For wheat or milk or cow!
We want everything to be cheaper,
We don’t care how it’s done,
The fact the grower gets bugger-all,
“It’s always been,” say some.
So next time you’re doing shopping,
Seeking bargains with toothcomb!
Consider looking for British,
Because Fair Trade begins at home!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Sunday Night Supper!

Posted on May 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Having my grand-daughter to stay alloys me a chance to reunite with childhood delicacies. I am able to digress in the aisles with my trolley and allow old friends back into my life. Then when she has eaten her fill and there are one or two (or more!) left in the box I strike! it would be a shame to waste them…

Fish-fingers and salt,
With salad cream,
How long ago,
Seems like a dream,
Since my mother grilled them,
On a tiny Baby Belling,
Prompting the question,
“Are those fish-fingers I am smelling?”

19th May 1979

Posted on May 19, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On the 19th of May 1979 I got married in a chapel in a little village in South Wales. I remember being surprised that anyone would want to become Mrs Bard and even more surprised when she said “I do!”. In the thirty-six years since then I remain surprised every anniversary when I wake and she’s still there. When people say “I wouldn’t change a thing” I know what they mean…

If someone asked me,
What’s the secret to life?
I’d say without hesitation:
A wonderful wife.

And if they asked,
What, a good partnership makes,
I’d say: Laugh, Love,
Give and Take.

…but most of all simple old-fashioned friendship!
Mrs Bard deserves a medal for putting up with me for all these years!

Fertilizer Spreading!

Posted on May 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday as the country went to the polls we were busy spreading the last of the fertilizer on the wheat. Carl was on the spreader and I was attempting to keep him topped up with ton bags from the farm. The results of our day will take much longer to show…

We’re spreading fertilizer,
it helps crops to grow,
we calibrate the spreader,
or it comes out like snow.
Then off to the field,
to see if dose is right,
little pellets of goodness,
like hail – round and white!
Here comes the loader,
two more tons to be spread,
into the spreader,
then back to the shed!
By early evening,
the very last field,
now we need some rain,
to boost up the yield!
But not on Saturday morning!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Distant Kettle!

Posted on May 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The age of the smartphone has brought with it many useful side-effects. I have a socket in the house whereby I can turn on a light for the dogs if I’m running late. There are view-at-distance cameras whereby you can discover if those same dogs wear your smoking jacket, lounge on the best chairs eating your finest chocolates and watch Jeremy Kyle on afternoon telly in your absence. Yesterday I came across an unusual must-have App-controlled gadget…

I thought I’d seen most things in life,
I thought I’d seen it all,
But I realise I’ve been blinded,
Have seen nothing smart at all.
There on a shelf in Currys,
A wifi kettle (comes in blue!),
I said the the assistant:
“whatever does it do!”
“You download an App,
Then wherever you find you are,
You can turn on the kettle,
Whether you are near or far!”
“Gosh that will be useful,”
I exclaimed tongue in cheek,
“I can have boiling water here at home
When I’m on holiday next week!”

A Shocking Scene!

Posted on May 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On a Sunday morning before a Bank Holiday, everything should be calm and peaceful. While shopping I watched an elderly gentleman lose his cool. A very relaxed man (a Buddhist) once told me: When God made time he made plenty of it!” Perhaps we should all cool down a bit, particularly on a Sunday morning. What happened next will shock you as much as it shocked me…

I watched a pensioner,
eat his hat,
in Marks and Spencer’s
how about that?

He lost his cool,
he was irate,
his money-off voucher,
out of date!

If he is going,
to solace seek,
he might consider,
shopping mid-week!

I hope he soon,
gets much better,
before someone offers him,
salt and pepper!

Warning: Hats are considered low in calories but high in fibre. They are not generally edible. Care must be taken when positioning a hat near to dentures.
*Serving suggestion only.

Bienvenue a Baldock!

Posted on May 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday and today the High Street in Baldock has been transformed into a street market that you might see anywhere from Calais to Carcassonne. It is most strange hearing a ‘holiday language’ at home. It’s a great opportunity to relive memories of vaccances past…

There’s a French Market today in Baldock,
selling French bread, olives and cheese!
The accents are definitely not local,
“s’il vous plait” for today replaces please!
The stall holders are all ‘tres jolie’
pleased to be here and polite,
“Bonjour Monsieur – Dame,
Would you like to buy ham?”
Not a single French Onion in sight!
© Le Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Today and every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Big Breakfasters!

Posted on April 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

When did we become a greedy nation? Perhaps we always were and I missed the vital signs? The other morning I had a self-service breakfast in a hotel. I asked a waitress if much food was wasted by people’s greed. Her reply was shocking…

“Many breakfasters pile up their plate,
Sausages, eggs, hash browns to sate,
Then when that’s gone they’re back for more,
And possibly a third time if they’re sure!”

“Their final plate is seldom cleared,
Belching and farting they’ve disappeared,
Leaving behind a wasted plateful,
Wouldn’t do it at home it’s disgraceful.”

“Off they go to do whatever they do,
With a heaving stomach (to the loo!),
But I know,” she said with sorrow,
“They’ll do the same at breakfast tomorrow!”

*The picture above is a serving suggestion only involving actors who cleared their plates!

When The April Dust Does Blow!

Posted on April 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday we planted 40 acres of linseed (used in paints, nutritional supplements or for varnishing cricket bats!). Karl was on the powerharrow/drill combination and I was following with the rolls. The overwhelming factor was not the usual April showers, but clouds and clouds of dust…

There’s dust flying a-plenty,
When we’re preparing the ground,
For a linseed crop, we dare not stop,
In case an April shower comes around!
The drill is going quite slowly,
To make a fine seedbed,
Then come the rolls to compact it,
So the seed and soil are well wed!
The dust from this whole operation,
In clouds is blowing about,
But if it should rain ‘afore we’re finished,
We’d need a spade to dig us both out!
With thanks to Karl for his acccuracy, skill and clever welding! Everybody needs a Karl when time is short and the dust is flying!

The Pavement Tables!

Posted on April 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Here in North Hertfordshire summer has arrived early. Yesterday’s temperature reached 24 degrees and Baldockonians are making the most of the sunshine to act like continentals, while some ‘tut-tut’ at this frivolous exhibitionism…

Summer’s here, not far from home,
Pavement tables just like Rome!
Friends have gathered, ignore the traffic,
A wonderful scene, so photographic!
Elder residents have been known to say,
“Wouldn’t have happened in our day!
Do they think it’s an esplanade?
What with all that skin displayed!”
No-one’s had to take a plane,
We’re in Baldock, warmer than Spain!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Food