Category Archives: Food

The Food Bank

Posted on by
Share

ShoppersRecently the press has published comments by the Archbishop of Canterbury who thinks that food bank funding is the responsibility of government. It has opened a whole can of worms. Much of the argument is now firmly based on political agendas with the hungry families relegated to the sidelines. I feel that something has been missed from the argument. Maybe I’m just being too simplistic…

Thank Heavens for the Food Bank
When food some can’t afford,
Charity should begin at home,
Rather than abroad.

…Let’s just thank those wonderful volunteers who run this remarkable service and continue to donate wherever and whenever we can.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Share

One Man Went To Sweep!

Posted on by
Share

Sweeping SelfieI seem to spend most of my days at this time of year attached to a brush. After the wheat left the farm it was time to outload oats. These are much more dusty, spill easier from the loader bucket and therefore require more attention from the brush. By the time the oats reach your plate the dust has magically disappeared, I’m not surprised, it was all left on the farm…

These days I seem intent,
On wearing out the brush,
I am constantly sweeping,
Always in a rush!
Just when I think I’m done,
Another load of oats go out,
Leaving me sweeping,
Pushing oats about!
Soon it will be over,
The shed will be all clear,
The brush will be redundant,
At least until next year!
Sweeping Selfie 21© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Share

Small Farms Under Attack

Posted on by
Share

Farmers MeetingYesterday I went to a meeting to learn about a whole raft of new agricultural regulations. We were shown around a two-thousand acre estate, my few hundred acres seemed very insignificant and the legislation talked about, large and frightening. Everything seemed to be verboten and penalty-laden. Somewhere deep within Whitehall, there must be a group of very angry regulators who have never seen the light of day, let alone a farm, whose sole aim is to destroy small farms…

Regulation, regulation, regulation,
Will be the death of me.
There’ll be no time to grow a crop,
Desk-bound I will be.
I know there have to be some rules,
This I understand,
But the latest tranche from DEFRA,
Have surely got out of hand.
I look back with idle longing,
To a time some years ago,
When the purpose of my job,
Was simply reap and sow!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Share

Black Friday (on a Thursday in Letchworth!)

Posted on by
Share

Lidl LWe seem to be growing ever-fonder of American imports. It will only be a matter of time before we too celebrate Thanksgiving! This year Black Friday has arrived in style. It seems that every second e-mail is inviting us to enjoy the sort of discounts that used to be reserved for the January Sales. Yesterday a local town was gridlocked as a discount store re-opened its doors after extension and refurbishment…

Lidl is back in Letchworth!
All roads led to the store.
The welcome back was overwhelming,
Queues stretched to the door!
Santa in the car park,
Bacon rolls for the day,
A Town Crier in full uniform,
Shouting “Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!”
Despite the packed out aisles,
Grabbing bargains without fail,
Good-humoured staff manned the checkouts,
At the Lidl Grand-Prix sale!
Lidl L2As a farmer it’s good to see this, not only in the pictures, but reflected in the aisles.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
 Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Milky Bar Kid!

Posted on by
Share

Milky Bar KidGrandparents are put upon this earth for one purpose. They may be old, they may creak and need constant repeats when spoken to, but their real purpose is known by grandchildren the world over. They were invented to spoil grandchildren.  Unfortunately some mothers think they are the first generation to produce children…

The grandparents bribe of choice,
Up and down the land,
A bar of white chocolate,
No evidence on hand!
“Did you have a nice time,
With Grandpa here today,
Would you like to come back,
Tomorrow morning to play?”

Grandpa loosens his collar,
Beads of sweat upon his brow,
Praying that his grandchild,
Doesn’t tell her mother how,
She had a bar after breakfast,
And two this afternoon,
The advantage of white chocolate,
“Your mum might be back soon!”

It’s all a case of forgetfulness,
Today’s mothers have erased,
Memories of their childhood,
In their Milky Bar Kid days!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Mr Shovel and Mrs Brush!

Posted on by
Share

Shovel & BrushYesterday I treated myself to a new plastic shovel. The old one was badly worn and as there were only two loads of wheat left to go, I had much shoveling in front of me! What a pleasure it was to use a new implement! It just shows how much excitement is in my life…

When Mr Shovel was shoveling wheat,
He confessed his life was not complete,
What he needed was a lady love,
A sole-mate when no wheat to shove!

I went into the shed next door,
Forgetting a purchase I’d made before,
I was excited with what was there,
A lady broom with purple hair!

Mr Shovel spied the broom,
Pushed me aside, “Give me room!”
And bowing his handle away from me,
Said “Hello Gorgeous, marry me!”

They were wed after a break,
The service conducted by a Tarmac rake!
Who said “do you take this brush for a wife?”
The shovel said, “Do I? You bet your life!”

For quite a few months they swept together,
Clearing the floors and oh! so clever,
Then one day (after romantic mush!),
They gave birth to a dustpan and brush!
…and they lived happily ever after!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Chocolate Heist!

Posted on by
Share

Chocolate plateFor millions of us, reports that supplies of chocolate may be threatened by the year 2020 has come as a severe shock. This could well lead to civil unrest as the silent majority take to the streets, hijacking confectionery vans and removing sweets from toddlers. Jewellery shop owners will heave a sigh of relief as sweet shops install bullet-proof windows, grids on the doors and employ security guards…

I’ve heard there’s to be a delivery,
At the back of the chocolate shop,
We’ve got ourselves a cunning plan,
To force the delivery to stop!

The armored van will turn up early,
The guards will open up the door,
We will rush in and tie them up,
Leave them trussed upon the floor!

Then we will grab the chocolate,
Put it all in a great big bag,
Rush right out of the sweet shop,
To the getaway Jag!

There is just one small problem,
When our hideout we reach,
There will be no chocolate left
And I’ll be left like a whale on the beach!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Alex Rushmer’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Pot!

Posted on by
Share

ChocpotA week ago, Mrs Bard and I turned up at the Hole in the Wall restaurant outside Cambridge, home to chef and Masterchef finalist, Alex Rushmer. Unfortunately for us there was no room at the inn. The following week I climbed a hill in Norfolk to get a phone signal and pleaded until, rather like the tiny spacecraft clinging to a comet 4 billion miles away, we were offered a table at the last knockings of this Friday’s lunch service.
I have an apology to make. When choosing the picture for today I realise that by looking very closely, I can see microscopic remains of Alex Rushmer’s Salted Caramel Chocolate Pot clinging to the side of the glass along with a splodge of wasted salted caramel on the plate. The possibly that I may have missed some of this magnificent pudding has caused me a very sleepless night…

I had a nightmare this night past,
I’d left chocolate pudding in my glass,
No matter what implements I used,
Chocolate and caramel to the glass was fused.
I tried to use my index finger,
Alas parts of the chocolate still did linger.
Had I possessed a lizard tongue,
Remaining pudding would have been none.
Had I had more supple knees,
Could have been Tom Cruise with trapeze!
The provided spoon led to this strife,
Wore it down ‘till it resembled a knife!
What I really should have done,
Stop the scraping – order another one!

Our meal was, like the little spacecraft, out of this world.
If you too would like to taste Alex Rushmer’s remarkable food, visit his website http://holeinthewallcambridge.com or book on ring the Hole in the Wall on 01223 812 282

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Share

The Disgruntled Local

Posted on by
Share

Disgruntled LocalYesterday I parked in an exposed car park just behind a windswept beach in North Norfolk. Being November, the beach was almost deserted. After a walk where the cobwebs were blown far away, I returned to the car park to discover a disgruntled local…

My feathers are ruffled,
My temper is raw,
Where are the chips,
You promised before?

You have a warm coat,
I just have feathers,
Patrolling this car park,
In all sorts of weathers!

I was content
‘Till you took it too far,
Have a nice day,
I’ve pooped on your car!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Leave The Past Behind!

Posted on by
Share

Last BreakfastHave you ever re-visited a place from your youth and found it had changed beyond recognition? The campsite where you spent your first ‘without-parent’ holiday, that you remember being in the middle of nowhere, is now a car park surrounded by high-rise hotels. The small village school you attended is now a thousand-student-plus academy! These are obscure examples but I bet you could add more? What about food memories? Mrs Bard and I were on the road yesterday and I treated her to a vintage lunch. She was NOT impressed that I chose to travel back in time at a once-famous roadside eatery…

“All-day Breakfast please,
and a burger for my wife!”
The waitress was disinterested,
we were interrupting her life!
As soon as it came to the table,
I groaned when I saw it was mine,
either my memory had adjusted,
or my tastes had differed with time.
I can’t even describe the ‘sausage’,
the taste was nowhere near Gold!
The mushrooms were for the high jump,
the potatoes tasted of mold!
So those who are healthy and haughty,
Will say I made a mistake,
I should have ordered a salad,
Or a coffee and small carrot cake!

…this time history will not be repeating itself like the All-day Breakfast did!
Lesson learnt – leave past hidden in box in attic!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share