Roll Up! Roll Up! It’s the greatest show on earth! Come and see the farmer in the stocks! Bring plenty of rotten imported fruit and your best throwing arm. I am a farmer, my job, as I see it, is to grow the maximum amount of crops on my acreage to feed as many people as possible. All of this whilst protecting the environment for the next generation. Furthermore I like bees, they help pollinate my crops and wild flowers, I love honey and have almost worn out my copy of ‘Bee Movie’. However Brussels has now declared that we are all bee killers and that a yield-enhancing chemical must be banned. In the past, chemicals were banned following proper scientific investigation. This time hysteria has overtaken common sense and I’m to blame. I work in possibly the most over-regulated industry in the most over-regulated country since the fall of East Germany. Unfortunately I don’t produce enough organic matter myself to fertilise my acres so going organic isn’t an option and anyway lower yields would lead to less food in the shops. So what’s it to be…
I’m spending Thursday in the stocks,
because I sprayed my farm,
the lack of bees to pollinate,
has led to great alarm.

“It’s the fault of farmers!”
TV commentators say,
it would be our fault yet again,
if shops, no food display.

I’d love to go organic,
it would save me a king’s ransom,
sprays cost more than whisky,
the rewards could be quite handsome!

But what is this I hear you cry,
“Your job is to feed us all,”
Well guess what, that’s your lot!
Your portion will be small!

I don’t kill bees,
I don’t kill wasps,
I don’t kill MPs either!
I just want peace,
To feed the world,
And possibly make a fiver!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above



The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @

Another bout of loading lorries on the farm. We’ve moved oats from the bins in the main grain store into the flat floored barn. This is for two reasons: firstly so we load the lorries quickly using the large grain bucket on the JCB Loadall and secondly so that we can do a final visual check for quality and take a moisture reading before the load leaves the farm. Unfortunately this doesn’t always guarantee a claim-free consignment as the mill can choose a test from a different part of the load…

We’ve sent away a load of oats
So in the bank we’ll be putting pound notes!
They’ve gone North to make boxes of porridge,
To be sent back to towns like Norwich!
In the next day’s post there’s a notification,
They’ve cut the price for non-specification!
Moisture wrong and admix not nice,
£5 per ton removed from the price!
I suppose all in all I can’t complain,
I finished harvest before the rain!
So I won’t boast or tell a story tall,
As some have no harvest to sell at all.
We should never boast or brag,
Until the deal is in the bag!
I recommend that you eat oats of course,
Because they’re pure and contain no horse!
© Baldock Bard 2013

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
Replace (at) with @