No-Egg Easter!

Posted on April 3, 2018 by The Baldock Bard.

I am constantly amazed when meeting fellow diabetics. Many of them seem to only pay attention to their diets just before they are due an ‘all-seeing’ blood test. Having been told at the outset last May by a specialist: ‘if you don’t change your diet, the next time we meet I’ll cut off your legs’, was enough of an incentive for me (even with chocolate)…

My first Easter without chocolate,
since becoming diabetic last May,
all food has to be considered,
if well I’m going to stay.

My one big treat over Easter,
a mini hot cross bun,
I savoured every mouthful,
but only ate the one.

Of course I missed the chocolate,
untouched eggs on the shelf,
but the only one I’d have cheated,
would have been myself.

Before I’m accused of ‘Halo-polishing’ it must be remembered that my Type-2 was self-inflicted through my addiction to soft drinks and sweet things. Despite having a ‘bit-of-the-ex-smoker’ about me, I was left with little choice.
Have a great week and enjoy all that left over chocolate!

The Little Dog’s Secret!

Posted on February 21, 2018 by The Baldock Bard.

I wonder how many of you, having looked at the picture above, though ‘aaah, look at that lovely little dog!’ Unfortunately I have to tell you that you’ve been had! Our ‘little precious’, puppy-like Chihuahua crossed with a Jack Russell (apparently sweetly termed a Jack Chi), has a hidden secret…

Without a sorry,
nary a pardon,
she runs out of the house,
straight down the garden.
For her every day,
can turn into a thriller,
she’s a cute and charming,
wood pigeon killer.
They strut across the lawn,
(looking out for a cat),
but see no danger,
in a cute doggy like that!
Before they know it,
take flight to the air,
the little dog is leaping,
“It’s simply not fair!”
This terrible act,
in all sorts of weathers,
the evidence is there,
pigeons tail feathers!

Whether people or animals, it’s always the most innocent-looking that strike the hardest!

© Baldock Bard 2018
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The Curse of Peanut Butter!

Posted on January 23, 2018 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning my five-year-old granddaughter came to breakfast. Her old grandfather was tasked with preparing and serving breakfast. Only one problem – I have a hatred of peanut butter and had not foreseen the problem that would arise…

Peanut butter and blackberry jelly,
enough to give your day some welly!
All that energy needed for school,
especially when you’re five and tall.
It’s also important to like bread as toast
‘cos when you’re a student you eat it the most!

I cut the toast
something brown on my fingers
Took a lick – yuk –
peanut butter taste lingers!

With apologies to all those who love Peanut Butter, I bet you hate Marmite! Have a great day BB

© Baldock Bard 2018
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Feeding the Birds!

Posted on November 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day when we were busy fencing, our neighbour, John was ploughing. Following him was the biggest flock of gulls that I’ve ever seen behind a plough. So impressed was I that I had to capture the scene with my faithful drone…

Following John’s plough,
is a large white cloud,
that descends on worms,
with screeching loud.
They communicate,
to others from afar,
“Bring all your friends,
siblings, Ma and Pa!
There are fat juicy worms,
he’s using a furrow press,
just like MacDonnalds,
with portions to impress!”

Have a good day and watch out for the gulls!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Ignoring Old Friends!

Posted on November 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I met some old friends while out shopping the other day. Wherever I looked there they were trying to get me to step back in time and put them in my basket. This was going to be a tough battle of wills…

I met old friends in the shop,
they shouted at me: “Hey, You, Stop!
You’ve not chosen us since May this year,
That’s six whole months it would appear,
You’ve not bought eclairs or cream cakes,
You’ve hurt our feelings for heaven sakes!
You’re quite a bore and have become quite trying,
on the shelf the Wagon Wheels are constantly crying!”
I ignored their cries and persistent protest,
concentrated instead on my next blood test!
Not wishing to risk criticism from the Diabetes Nurse,
who has the ability to make my day worse!

Have a great day and have a cream cake for me! (go on – just the one!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Synchronised Sleeping!

Posted on October 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Our guard-geese are very clever at synchronised sleeping, to the casual observer it may seem ok to creep past them, however the slightest snap of a twig or clack of a stone and they are up-and-at-em! Most mornings they chase me (or anyone else who knows what they want!) down the yard and we have to admit to being mugged again…

The geese are synchronized sleeping,
they’ve got no work to do,
they’ve been on duty all night long,
the over-night security crew!
All of a sudden they start honking,
they chase me – their wings drum a beat,
it may seem like they’re angry,
but they after their breakfast of wheat!

If you’re caught sleeping on the job, just tell the boss you were resting your eyes whilst thinking about the work in front of you!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Seasonal Snacks!

Posted on October 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

If there is one event that marks the end of the car boot season for me more than Saturday morning lie-ins, no mowing of parking strips and no printing of signs and tickets, it is the in-store appearance of two seasonal favourites. However since being diagnosed with self-inflicted diabetes in May, Twiglets and Cheeselets have been off the menu…

My two old friends are back again,
but they’re not for me, such a pain!
I daren’t even crack open a lid,
I’d be such a fool if I did,
so I look away and walk by,
we’re now divorced ‘Cheeselets Goodbye!’

But I’m not stopping you, go on, you know you can’t resist them!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Mountainous Echo!

Posted on October 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The last of the oats went yesterday and there are just two lorry-loads of beans left. It seems strange that it was only on Sunday that the barn echoed to singing and yet in just two days there is a bigger echo than Julie Andrews found from the mountain-top in the Sound of Music…

There’s a cavern-like echo,
in our storage barn,
The oats are all gone,
By lorry from the farm,
Apart from some sweepings,
I’ve kept for the geese,
their equivalent of a Pernod,
on the seafront in Nice!

Two lorry-loads of beans,
Are to go to Kings Lynn,
nothing in the grain store,
nothing left in a bin.
That’s it for harvest,
the last that I’ll do,
In future I’ll observe,
from a deckchair like you!

I will also be able to retire the sweeping brush and grain shovel, they seem to have been my constant companions just lately. I will hardly miss them!
© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
Season Ends 14^thOctober 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Screaming Beans!

Posted on October 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The last of the beans have now been swept and conveyed (with the help of my trusty son-in-law, John), to the floor of the barn next door leaving the silos empty. Never a pleasant job sweeping anything from the bins but the beans add another dimension – noise! The hard-as-bullets seeds rattle and scream as they are swept towards the conveyor, so much so that if ear defenders aren’t worn, the next few hours are spent saying “pardon”…

“I beg your pardon,
what did you say?
I’ve been in a bin,
sweeping beans today!
What with the dust,
shovel and brush,
all I can hear,
is turned to mush!
We both wore masks,
Halloween is soon,
when I’ll be seen flying
away on my broom!”
Have a good day, stay safe and be careful with that hearing!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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A Harvest Bag of Beans!

Posted on October 4, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This is a week of Harvest Festivals. On Monday I went to a service held by my Granddaughter’s school, it was an amazing modern service, not a hint of ploughing the fields and scattering. I remember going to a harvest festival at my daughter’s primary school many years ago when the vicar was late! During the pause, before he finally arrived carrying his shopping and wondering why everyone was assembled in his church, I re-wrote the words to a seasonal hymn! Somewhat changed here we go again…

We plough the fields and scatter,
with help from the EU,
soon we will be on our own,
that’s right – just me and you!
Herman, Jaques and Roberto,
will sneer at us and say:
“There’ll be no trade agreements,
why don’t you go away?
You’ll have to take our exports,
as for our markets all’s not as it seems,
any agreement we might have had,
ain’t worth a bag of beans!”

With apologies to all but it seems that farming will soon be on its own in a cold harsh climate with only the British Government to rely on for assistance (Ha Ha!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Food

No-Egg Easter!

The Little Dog’s Secret!

The Curse of Peanut Butter!

Feeding the Birds!

Ignoring Old Friends!

Synchronised Sleeping!

Seasonal Snacks!

The Mountainous Echo!

Screaming Beans!

A Harvest Bag of Beans!