The Amateur Bee Keeper!

Posted on July 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Following a wedding in Devon, we had a funeral in Chester, a mere 250 miles to the North. The funeral was a true celebration of a life well lived. We stayed with Tony, an amateur bee keeper in Staffordshire. His attitude to this new hobby was rather refreshing…

Tony loves his bees,
he deals with them at ease,
he’s not really sure,
if he wants any more,
but if some swarm by he’ll say ‘please!’

He wears a very strange suit,
along with black Wellington boot,
he carries smoke,
before giving them a poke,
in his honey-questing persuit!

Unless you’re properly dressed it is not a good idea to disturb insects that sting!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Dawn Shopping!

Posted on July 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I did something this morning that previous generations of my family would have found unfathomable! I walked into our local supermarket just after 4:30am! Yes, I went shopping at silly-o-clock! I had forgotten to pick up any milk last night and so I joined the insomniacs and shelf-stackers in the early light of dawn…

I walked into the store,
just after 4:30,
cars parked up,
about only thirty!
I wanted milk,
nothing more,
was able to park,
close to the door.
No queues for the tills,
just serve-yourself,
with my bottle of milk,
fresh from the shelf.
Return roads quiet,
no vapour trail,
just cars lined up,
for my car boot sale!

Have a great day and don’t forget the milk!
(Real farmers get their milk straight from the cow, I have to dawn-raid the supermarket!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Farm Walk

Posted on July 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many rituals in the farming industry that are unique. Amongst the most bizarre is something called ‘The Farm Walk’. You open up your farm to a group of like-minded farmers who not only ‘ooh and ah’ at your successes but long to discover weaknesses in either your weed control or knowledge, in order to make them and their own farms seem better! I used to get numbness of the brain whenever I was host and forget even basic facts about my own farm. However there is always an exception to the rule and last night I went on a farm walk that almost made me want to step into the host farmer’s shoes…

John, Paul and Alexander,
showed us around their farm,
despite some strange agronomy,
t’was no sense of alarm.
Using old and new practices,
‘cover crops’ and ‘mob grazing’
the overall effect,
was not far short of amazing.
They don’t plough the fields and scatter,
no cultivating at all for them,
everything seemed so obvious,
a bottom-line-saving gem.
Their cattle seemed contented,
nearly organic stock,
I almost considered cattle for home,
needed a wine to quell the shock!
So thanks to all involved,
sixty farmers open-mouthed,
Serious considerations,
for ditching scattering and ploughed!
With thanks to the local NFU branches and Weston Park Farms. Their innovative ways can be seen at http://www.groundswellag.com. I am now convinced that theirs may be the way ahead during difficult times to come.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Brutality of Nature!

Posted on July 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Most people regard a Monday as the start of a new week. As Mrs Bard and I run the car boot sale on a Saturday, when we aren’t too busy on the farm, Monday becomes our Sunday! This morning we have been peacefully watching tiny ducklings on the river when the brutality of nature becomes apparent…

A duck with ten ducklings,
floating down the river,
a hungry pike sizes them up,
thinks ‘one would make my dinner!’
Suddenly there’s a splash,
the pike has said ‘come hither!’
now there are just nine of them,
floating down the river.

May your Monday be peaceful and calm and may your predators stay away.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Servicing the JCB!

Posted on July 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

During harvest, when it’s all rush, rush, rush and the weather could turn at a moments notice, breakdowns are unwelcome! As my level of mechanical expertise is similar to pre-school Applied Science, I call in the experts. This week Johnny arrived on the farm to prepare the JCB Fastrac for the coming onslaught…

Johnny wears gloves that are JCB Yellow,
when servicing the tractor, clever fellow!
His service van is yellow too,
(not Massey red nor New Holland blue!)
He pours new oil (nice and clear),
climbs around the tractor like a mountaineer!
Ready for harvest along with the trailer,
now less likely to breakdown or be a failure!
Apparently some have started harvesting barley already. Thankfully our harvest looks at least three weeks away. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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A Good Hay-Making Year?

Posted on June 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is very easy to make bad hay. Even when the weather is perfect the task is covered in pitfalls and ruination is just around the corner! After all haymaking is not rocket science: first cut the long grass, turn it so that it dries through and then bale it and put it in the shed. I have made so much bad hay in my life that I’m surprised that I still attempt the unpredictable job…

Yesterday I fetched out the ‘Hay-Bob’,
where it had lain since last year,
I attached it to my trusty tractor,
everything normal did appear.
Then the grease gun made an appearance,
to make sure everything moved so well,
into the field to turn the grass,
hay-making Heaven or Hay-making Hell?
The sun shone brightly like abroad,
it wasn’t like Baldock here at all,
the grass wilted perfectly, so unusual,
I kept waiting for the inevitable fall.
Then I spoke to my father,
he reinforced my hay-making fear:
“The worst hay can always be made…
in the very best hay-making year!”

Have another perfect hot hay-making day and may you not wilt like the grass!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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One Man Went To Mow!

Posted on June 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to mow some permanent pasture for hay. Like me, all of my hay-making machinery is old and knackered! It is also stored well away from the more modern machines so as not to spread a general air of malaise or rebellion amongst cultivators and other more frequently used machines…

One man went to mow,
went to mow a meadow,
took the mower from behind the shed,
and went to mow the meadow.
He greased up all the grease points,
checked the blades were sharp,
climbed inside the tractor cab,
took the handbrake out of park!
Up and down the field he went,
the air-con was on cold,
the dust was all outside the cab,
not like days of old!
Now the field is fully mown,
“Where’s the hay-bob metals?”
just then he spied the headstock,
poking above the nettles!
So tomorrow I’ll be turning hay,
the meadow is all mown,
if anything goes wrong in turning,
the fault will be home-grown!

Have a good day and be sure to make hay while the sun shines!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Farm Visitors

Posted on June 14, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday was a fun day. Thirty young people came up from North London to see how we farm and what we grow. However learning was not the only item on the menu. The real task was for them to have fun in the woods, and discover for themselves in the old pre-digital way. They didn’t disappoint and as we waved them away from the farm I hope they had as much fun as I did…

Thirty young agronomists,
walking through my fields,
Why do you farm this way?
Is it to improve your yields?
They ask so many questions,
they just want to know,
when, how and why,
and what crops do you grow?

Then later in the woods,
they cross a dried up pond,
pick up sticks and stones,
and discover what’s beyond.
They avoid the stinging nettles,
through the long grass run,
then collapse to have lunch,
a school trip made of fun.

All should host school visits,
whether countryside or town,
help them understand,
how the world keeps turning round!
They are our future,
and from what I can see,
the future is a bright one,
if not fouled up by you and me.

With thanks to all the visitors for giving me such a wonderful day in the countryside!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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We’ve Gotta Crop!

Posted on June 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Two months ago, following an April with no rain, our oat crop was heading for disaster. It was thin, yellowing and prospective yields were at rock bottom. This was so plain to see, that during a school visit, an eight-year-old from London asked me how I hoped to grow a crop in rocks (the clay soil had dried out completely). Suddenly rain in the last month has changed the picture dramatically and I am looking forward to harvest…

The Oats are green and thick as well,
the rain has saved a harvest from Hell,
this farmer’s happy, this wasn’t planned,
the rain has made a green and pleasant land!
I only hope the rain will stop,
when we come to harvest the crop!

Have a good day, things sometimes turn out better than expected!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Fraudulent Farmer!

Posted on May 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I feel like a fraud. Yesterday and this morning I have taken up valuable NHS time in our local hospital when I don’t feel ill, nor do I have anything broken! Yesterday (as a bit of a joke because they’d borrowed a machine and knowing my love of anything sugary) Mrs Bard and Daughter Bard gave me a blood-sugar test. Apparently according to those in the know, the result should have read between 5-6, therefore the 28.9 set alarm bells going and I found myself frog-marched to A&E in very short order, despite feeling fine and normal…

It was as if it wasn’t me,
lying on a bed in A&E!
Never before have I given a blood sample,
I suppose at least I have an armful.

As a farmer the sight of blood makes me faint,
as an amateur patient brave I ain’t!
The things that always amaze me still,
the bravery of others who are seriously ill.

The nurse and doctors in the blue-curtained stall,
age creed or race they’ll treat them all.
Of course it is Britain’s greatest success,
Our wonderful and vital NHS.

So it looks as it’s goodbye to old abusive friends such as fizzy drinks, doughnuts, wine gums and Wagon Wheels.
With thanks to all the caring professionals at the Lister Hospital, Stevenage for their patience and care.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Food

The Amateur Bee Keeper!

Dawn Shopping!

The Farm Walk

The Brutality of Nature!

Servicing the JCB!

A Good Hay-Making Year?

One Man Went To Mow!

The Farm Visitors

We’ve Gotta Crop!

The Fraudulent Farmer!