Category Archives: Food

The Tea Bags!

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The other day Mrs Bard and I were at a wholesale warehouse. Having had some dealings with a catering firm in a previous life, I was used to seeing everyday items available in non-domestic quantities. However a large bag caught my eye and I was shocked…

How many tea bags,
do you buy in one go?
Do you ever consider,
when stale do you throw?

I was wandering about,
a wholesaler recently,
when I came across a bag,
of proportions beyond me!

I had to look again,
at the number there within,
eleven-hundred tea bags,
a tea-drinkers win win win!

Have a magnificent Monday and take time for a cuppa!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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A Drill-Man’s Woes!

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It’s no fun being a drill-man! When drilling, it is vital that he is given the right size of the field. 0.32ha (0.78 acres) can make a great difference as we found out late last night when we ran out of seed with only a handkerchief-sized area unsown. If my legs were long enough, I’d kick myself…

A drill-mans life can sometimes be,
full of doubt and misery!
It comes about through calculations,
and sometimes rather damp cultivations.
It always helps him to know,
the correct acreage you need to sow,
this avoids that terrible need,
when late at night there’s no more seed.
Any drill-man worth his salt,
will always know it’s the farmers fault!

I woke up this morning was it just a dream?
I looked in the barn – not a single bean!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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non-P.C. Pancake!

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Yesterday was Shrove Tuesday, here in the UK (and possibly where you live too?) it was also Pancake Day. While we rarely eat them at other times, we make up with pancake-gluttony on this particular day and they are my granddaughters firm favourite. One such day, when our children were small, while I was out on the snowplough, my mother-in-law spent over an hour at a pancake production line feeding them and many of their friends who could not pass the farm drive due to the depth of snow on the road. Everyone has a different topping, Personally I await a visit from the Politically-Correct Diet Police…

In my defence it’s just once a year,
a family tradition at that!
But on my pancake I have Golden Syrup,
I plead guilty as to the fact.
A little lemon to add some bitter,
some butter – guilty again!
But under ‘mitigating circumstances’
it’ll be a year before I do it again!

…and today’s another day!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Spring Cleaning!

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I’m often being asked, ‘What do you do during the winter?’. One important job is to deep-clean the grain store. Once this is done it can be inspected and we can be ‘Crop Assured’. This means every load of crop that leaves the farm can carry a ‘Crop Assured’ sticker on the paperwork. That load will be traceable, at any stage, back to this farm and the customer can be assured that I’ve done things right and followed all the rules…

For the last few weeks,
we have been,
giving the grain store,
its annual deep clean.
First we sweep,
then sweep again,
not a bad job,
during winter rain.
Elevators, tunnels,
conveyors too,
all have to be clean,
almost as new!
Then it’s inspected,
to make sure it’s clean,
and we can sell crops,
so traceability’s seen!
So that’s why my hair looks so grey, it doesn’t need colouring, it’s just dust. (That’s my explanation and I’m sticking to it!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Spring Seed!

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All our spring-sown seed is now in the barn ready for drilling. There is always a fair amount of luck involved when choosing varieties. Despite all the evidence from producer, seller, research establishments or agronomist, you never know just how a new variety will suit your soil. Both of our spring varieties we grew last year with reasonable results, so here we go again…

Spring is around the corner,
we know that it is near,
because we’ve had deliveries,
all the spring-sown seed is here.

Six tons of Canyon Spring Oats,
Eight tons of Vertigo Beans,
the oats will be for breakfast,
the beans will make proteins.

But first we need dry weather,
I once knew a man called Fred,
who said to me many years ago:
“Seed will never grow in the shed!”

Enjoy a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Oats Away!

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The last of the harvest of 2016 has left the farm. The final 12 tons of oats that had been swept up and loaded onto our trailer, left on a lorry yesterday lunchtime. To ease loading time they were tipped from the trailer into the pit, up the elevator, out of the spout and into the lorry, quicker than sweeping while the lorry waited…

Sitting in the shed,
for a week or more,
a trailer-load of oats,
swept up from the floor
Mick from L&H,
rang to see if I,
was available to load them,
I soon said “Oh yes, aye!”
I tipped the golden oats,
into the pit to load,
and within a lunchtime hour,
they were going down the road!
I’m not sure where they’re going,
in whose packaging they’ll be,
maybe you’ll see our oats for breakfast,
or have oaty oatcakes for your tea!

With thanks once again to Mick and all the drivers at L&H Haulage and all at Fengrain (the grain cooperative that markets all our grain), for their continued patience and support during difficult times. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Under Observation!

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I was sent to fetch a few items from our local supermarket. Alas this simple task with list is an almost impossible task as my ‘Oh look, there’s a squirrel’ mind is easily distracted. I was just contemplating a purchase for the next big event in April when I felt I was being watched…

My shopping list had three items,
cream, salt and some butter,
“this can’t possibly be just all,”
I was heard to mutter!
I reached an aisle full of chocolate,
‘Think Easter’ it seemed to say,
I felt I was under observation,
so guiltily I walked away!

I recently read that scientists have discovered that chocolate is better for you than traditionally thought. I now have a medical excuse to return!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Old Friend!

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January on the farm can be a stressful time. Following the festivities, reality strikes and you’re forced to review the future and make predictions that, if wrong, can seriously affect your business. However, if you are lucky, there is an old friend lurking in the cupboard…

Lurking in the cupboard I found an old friend,
the sweet brown contents would help me no end!
I’d spent the day on a forward cash-flow,
and needed something to help the figures grow!
I took a chunk (I didn’t dare take a bite!)
and all of a sudden things looked alright!
No difference in figures driving me around the bend,
but feeling happier thanks to my chocolate friend!

It then led me to ponder a most valuable crop – Cocoa Beans! (unfortunately not available here in the UK), but one is allowed to dream whilst eating chocolate! It is also the perfect way to forget those New Year resolutions.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Trouser Tom!

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Many years ago an old man who used to regularly visit our Saturday Car Boot Sales stood next to me and farted. Being polite I took no notice. He admitted later that he had a ‘fart machine’ in his pocket, when the button was pressed the trumpet would sound! It was very realistic and whenever he used it he’d laugh as if were the funniest thing in the world. The other day I had cause to remember him and realised it was at least ten years since I’d seen him. So ‘Trouser Tom’ wherever you are (either ‘up’ or ‘down’ as you used to say), thank’s for the memory, this one’s for you…

I like to fart,
it does not smell,
at least as far,
as I can tell

After beans,
cabbage or sprout,
just lift a cheek,
and one slips out.

So if I fart,
(noise from a zoo),
I’ll look around,
and blame you!

Dedicated to Trouser Tom, a great practical joker with a big laugh, who slipped silently from this world in November 2006 RIP.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Jump Start!

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There is a sound heard on some farms after the Christmas break that reminds the farmer that machines have lain idle over the Christmas/New Year break. I went out to the shed to get the Loadall to sweep up some oats and it made that infuriating sound. I think it is cross at the inaction over the holidays…

“Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra, Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra
I’m not going to start,
you can give me all the heat you like,
It’s your fault we’ve been apart!
You’ve stuffed yourself with turkey,
trifle and the odd minced tart,
while I’m abandoned in the shed,
you’d better fetch the powered jump start!”

This is dedicated to all those who are having trouble getting back to normal after the holidays (just like me!)
N.B. It wasn’t the JCB Loadall’s fault it wouldn’t start – someone had left the ignition switched on and I’m looking around to share the blame but am standing alone!!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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