Sweeping the Barn!

Posted on July 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Over the last few weeks the weather has prompted the crops to ripen early. The wheats look as if they will be ready in around fifteen days, a good three weeks or so earlier than a ‘normal’ year, although what is normal is debatable these days! As harvest draws ever closer so my preparations get ever-more frantic. My motto at the moment: ‘We Will Be Ready!’ Son-in-law John ‘swept’ the barn in record time…

Many jobs in farming,
involve choking dust,
but when the devil drives,
then so needs must!
Sweeping out the barn,
harvest drawing near,
ready to fill with wheat,
earn a pint or two of beer!
Son-in-law John,
an idea in his head,
throws away the brush,
uses leaf blower instead!
Yes there is more dust,
through all it he appears,
the barn all swept out
…needs to wash down dust with beers!

Have a great Monday and don’t let the dust get in your eyes!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Dawn Shopping!

Posted on July 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I did something this morning that previous generations of my family would have found unfathomable! I walked into our local supermarket just after 4:30am! Yes, I went shopping at silly-o-clock! I had forgotten to pick up any milk last night and so I joined the insomniacs and shelf-stackers in the early light of dawn…

I walked into the store,
just after 4:30,
cars parked up,
about only thirty!
I wanted milk,
nothing more,
was able to park,
close to the door.
No queues for the tills,
just serve-yourself,
with my bottle of milk,
fresh from the shelf.
Return roads quiet,
no vapour trail,
just cars lined up,
for my car boot sale!

Have a great day and don’t forget the milk!
(Real farmers get their milk straight from the cow, I have to dawn-raid the supermarket!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Confused Dragonfly!

Posted on July 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In life, every day can bring surprises! The other day, while Mrs Bard and I were near the river, a dragonfly landed on my outstretched hand! I was stunned by its beautiful lace wings and delicate but long body and surprised at its weight. A truly memorable brush with a large elusive insect…

The dragonfly landed on my hand,
not a move that it had planned,
“What a pink branch, rather warm,
no obvious flower, nary a thorn!
Lots of wrinkles, plenty of lines,
been around the block, no end of times!
Time is precious, so they say!”
With that the dragonfly flew away.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

“Got Any Military?”

Posted on July 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Ever since I started running a Saturday car boot sale I became aware of a select group of early-morning buyers who trawl the stalls for specialist collectables. Some collect records (or Vinyls as they are now known!), some search for gold and some are simply looking for that obscure Lalique vase or similar! However there is also John! I would think that he is coming up to having repeated the phrase “Got and Military?” nearly 40,000 times…

Saturdays wouldn’t be the same,
without “Got any military?”
up and down the rows he goes,
the height of civility!
Sometimes you’ll see him,
on his way back to his car,
a rusty helmet in his hands,
or pictured Churchill with cigar!
Sometimes sellers try to fool him,
with an Action Man and Jeep!
but he just smiles and says,
“I’ll see you all next week!”
To all our wonderful buyers, without you, sellers wouldn’t come and the field would be empty!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Inconvenient Customer!

Posted on July 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Anyone who provides conveniences for customers will know what I mean by ‘Inconvenient Customers’. At my Saturday car boot sales I’m proud of the level of praise our portable toilets receive. Hardly a week goes by without a compliment like: “your loos are so much cleaner than that at that *other* car boot sale!” Last Saturday, for the first time in 25 years a customer let me down…

I’d love to meet the customer,
who left my loos in such a mess,
I wish you’d come and told me,
manned up and just confess.
You left it oh so filthy,
I had to lock the door,
later cover myself in overalls,
and steam-clean the filthy floor!
You’d better see your doctor,
that is if you can still walk,
failing that you may consider,
investing in a cork!

With many thanks to the nice people at Toilets+ who service the loos every week, a necessary but unpleasant job.
Want help cleaning the portable loos after a festival or large public event? Don’t bother calling me, I have been there and it’s not a pretty place!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Farm Walk

Posted on July 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many rituals in the farming industry that are unique. Amongst the most bizarre is something called ‘The Farm Walk’. You open up your farm to a group of like-minded farmers who not only ‘ooh and ah’ at your successes but long to discover weaknesses in either your weed control or knowledge, in order to make them and their own farms seem better! I used to get numbness of the brain whenever I was host and forget even basic facts about my own farm. However there is always an exception to the rule and last night I went on a farm walk that almost made me want to step into the host farmer’s shoes…

John, Paul and Alexander,
showed us around their farm,
despite some strange agronomy,
t’was no sense of alarm.
Using old and new practices,
‘cover crops’ and ‘mob grazing’
the overall effect,
was not far short of amazing.
They don’t plough the fields and scatter,
no cultivating at all for them,
everything seemed so obvious,
a bottom-line-saving gem.
Their cattle seemed contented,
nearly organic stock,
I almost considered cattle for home,
needed a wine to quell the shock!
So thanks to all involved,
sixty farmers open-mouthed,
Serious considerations,
for ditching scattering and ploughed!
With thanks to the local NFU branches and Weston Park Farms. Their innovative ways can be seen at http://www.groundswellag.com. I am now convinced that theirs may be the way ahead during difficult times to come.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Alice at Eighty!

Posted on July 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening Mrs Bard and I went to an 80th Birthday Party. Nothing unusual you may think, however as people get older these days they seem to get younger. Back in the day, when my grandmother was 80, she looked positively ancient, dressed in black or grey and confined to a chair. These days bright colours and a positive outlook seem to be the order of the day, particularly with Alice…

At a party in her garden,
(resembling The Palace!)
a young and spritely eighty,
we sang “Happy Birthday Alice!”
Wearing a brightly-coloured dress,
made for her daughter’s wedding,
added to a broad wide smile,
led to the years a-shedding.
Later when she opens,
her pile of birthday cards,
she’ll become aware,
all hold her in high regards.

When I was a child she hosted the most amazing children’s birthday parties, I’m pleased to say she’s not lost her magic touch! Happy Birthday Alice!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Brutality of Nature!

Posted on July 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Most people regard a Monday as the start of a new week. As Mrs Bard and I run the car boot sale on a Saturday, when we aren’t too busy on the farm, Monday becomes our Sunday! This morning we have been peacefully watching tiny ducklings on the river when the brutality of nature becomes apparent…

A duck with ten ducklings,
floating down the river,
a hungry pike sizes them up,
thinks ‘one would make my dinner!’
Suddenly there’s a splash,
the pike has said ‘come hither!’
now there are just nine of them,
floating down the river.

May your Monday be peaceful and calm and may your predators stay away.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Where Are The ‘Effin Keys?

Posted on June 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning everything happened at once and due to a small oversight I went into full panic mode! They say that sometimes you can’t see the wood from the trees, this time I couldn’t see the forest from my drone! However like most panic events, all was well in the end and yet again, I earned myself the title: ‘Wotta Plonker!’…

Tanker came to fill the tanks,
for tractor, house and car,
I couldn’t find any tank keys,
though I searched near and far!

At the same time Johnnie,
was servicing the tractor,
and a chemical delivery,
a complicating factor!

I rushed around the house,
Like a chicken with no head,
swearing about everyone,
and an unknown I called ‘Fred!’

Then searched in my office,
including the untidy floor:
Guess where I found them?
…in the house back door!

Thanks to the driver from Conquest Oil, Johnnie from Oliver Landpower and the Agrovista driver for not panicking and dealing calmly with the situation! This morning peace reigns. No deliveries, no servicing and the yard is quiet…aaaah…and breath!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Holding Up The Traffic!

Posted on June 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Often farmers are criticized for holding up the traffic with their tractors. Many contractors these days drive their machines large distances and incur the wrath of motorists. Despite never travelling more than two miles on public roads, I always pull in at the nearest opportunity so as not to let a queue build up. Recently I pulled in to let cars pass and understood the reluctance of some tractor drivers to pull over …

I drove my Loadall down the road,
pulled in to let cars pass,
but the whole of my exercise,
turned out to be a farce!
Out of twenty-two cars that passed me,
(I’d held up for not one mile),
not one driver put up a hand,
not one thanks or nor even smile.
So next time they can wait and queue,
(I never drive that far)
they can wait, they can bate,
for ignorant they are!

For all my ranting I shall probably continue to pull in and simply not expect any recognition!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: General Life Observations

Sweeping the Barn!

Dawn Shopping!

The Confused Dragonfly!

“Got Any Military?”

The Inconvenient Customer!

The Farm Walk

Alice at Eighty!

The Brutality of Nature!

Where Are The ‘Effin Keys?

Holding Up The Traffic!