Category Archives: General Life Observations

The Saturday Weather Gods!

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Running any outdoor event in the UK is at the mercy of the weather. Last week, just at the wrong time for my Saturday car boot sale, the heavens opened and we had a very heavy thunderstorm. I have never seen rain as heavy during a sale in the twenty-five years it’s been running. I must have angered the Weather Gods…

The God’s in heaven had a meeting,
“How can we punish him today?
He has been very demanding,
for fine weather on his knees he pray!
He wants fine weather on a Saturday,
so he can host a good boot sale,
every so often we have to punish him,
so as a human he knows how to fail!
Lets move around some furniture,
lightening to make a loud ‘crack’,
a heavy shower with a watering can,
for the boot sale – that’ll be that.”

They reckoned without my customers,
made of sterner stuff they are,
simply took temporary shelter,
by hiding away in the car!
Then the sun came out smiling,
the sale continued as before,
“Drat” said the Gods in their heaven,
“We’ll punish him in the future for sure!”

Whatever you are doing today I hope you stay healthy, lucky and safe. See you the other side of the weekend. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Suitcase!

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I love browsing in remainder stores. I find that more than anything else it serves to remind me how we all have very different tastes (a wonderful thing otherwise we’d all be the same!). In my search for a stand-out item, I recently came across some suitcases that got me thinking…

Steve and Alice had been away,
seven whole nights in Montego Bay.
Flying back at the dead of night,
luggage carousel caused a fright!
So many bags all the same,
they searched for theirs only by name!
Steve then had a great idea,
solving the problem suddenly clear.
For Alice’s birthday he bought a case,
no more searching would they face.
Alice let out a dreadful groan,
now he travels on his own!

Wherever you’re travelling today, stay safe and enjoy yourselves.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Power Cut!

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This morning we are going to have a ‘Planned Power Cut’. Unfortunately this will result in the burglar alarm sounding. This will send one of our dogs racing upstairs to rip clothes off hangers and chairs or out of the washing basket. It is planned not to last too long and once the power returns then the performance with the dog will move onto ‘Take-Two’ and clothes will be scattered once more…

We’re about to have a power cut,
where the lights go out the fridge goes ‘pffut!’
They’re sawing branches by the power line,
by late this afternoon all will be fine.
For six and a half hours I mustn’t forget,
my computer’s shut down – no internet!
One good result from all this saga,
we’ll be able to cook on our ancient Aga!
It’s all as easy as falling off a log,
and it’ll exercise our neurotic dog!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Roadside Discovery

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There are times, in this ‘post-look-anything-up’ world, when the smallest of events or discovery can make your heart sing. We have become so used to digital discovery that we can be startled when we find something in the real world we haven’t seen before. Yesterday our agronomist David reported the discovery of a tiny orchid growing on a roadside verge while he was walking from field to field inspecting our crops.
The Bee Orchid is one of nature’s greatest mimics, its petals look like female bees to a male bee and therefore as he goes to get friendly with his ‘mate’ he pollinates the tiny flower… They say that we humans with our technology are clever.
For once the beauty of this tiny flower has left me speechless. So a picture (worth a thousand words!) will have to replace verse this morning.

Have a wonderful day and remember that sometimes the smallest of discoveries can make your heart sing with joy. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Good in People

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In these strange and uncertain times the kindness and humanity of people is often overlooked. However look at any incident, either national or local, and you will spot ‘Helpers’ Ordinary people who, rather than look away or gawp, do acts of kindness to help. An incident at the car boot sale I organise last Saturday, reaffirmed my faith in human nature…

A man called Dennis went to the boot sale,
as he does every week without fail,
looking around for some paint,
he began to feel quite faint.
All of a sudden he found himself down,
collapsed out cold on the ground.
Up jumped some helpers from their stall,
(didn’t know the collapsee at all),
put him in the recovery position,
“At the boot sale is there a Physician?”

The ambulance drove its way through the crowd,
it’s sirens occasionally quite loud,
took Dennis to Stevenage A&E,
now he’s better and bright as can be.
It just shows that there are good people about,
their deeds not broadcast with a shout,
at a boot sale, in the street, anywhere,
ordinary people who really do care.

With my heartfelt thanks to those who rushed to help. I don’t know your names or where you are from, but if this somehow reaches you, I just want to thank you so much for your acts of kindness. Dennis is much better and will be looking for you on Saturday to thank you in person. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Swan Family

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There is nothing quite like watching the serenity of swans, particularly when they have a family of cygnets. They fuss around them, teaching, feeding and caring. When life seems so unfathomable, the news is bleak and nothing quite makes sense, watching these graceful birds float peacefully down the river often helps to restore equilibrium…

Mother and Father Swan,
gently float on the water,
teaching their cygnets,
what, when, and how they oughta!
When the world is shocking,
and the news makes you shiver,
just stop and observe,
swans float down the river.

May you have a peaceful weekend surrounded by those you love.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Grandad’s New Mobile Phone!

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Just three days ago I could have written all I know about diabetes on the back of a proverbial postage stamp. My diet, although fairly standard, contained more sugar than a field of sugarbeet! Tuesday was a game-changer in many ways (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=9571) and the new-improved, healthy, Bard Mk2 is up and running (well not quite running, don’t want to overdo it you know!). My latest addition to my collection of electrical gadgetry immediately caught my granddaughters eye…

“Grandad’s got a new mobile!
Can I have his old one?
The screen’s not as big,
for watching Peppa Pig,
will reflect too much in the sun!

What are you doing now Grandad?
Why are you wincing like that?
What was that click?
was it sweets made you sick?,
I’ll fetch you a plaster for that!”

Step away from those sweets and fizzy drinks!
Oh alright then, have one for me!!
That’s the last of ‘Holier-Than-Thou’ Bard!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Hazel Hen and the Wedding!

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Every morning I look through a few photographs, normally taken within the last few days, to kick start some words. Yesterday in the farmyard I happened to come across Hazel Hen, she was looking particularly glamorous, I thought she looked as if she was off to a wedding, what with the fancy hat and stunning dress. This morning I downloaded the picture and the words flowed…

Hazel Hen was off to a wedding,
she put on her very best hat,
the dress she bought from a charity shop,
You can’t get much better than that!
She cried when the bride kissed the bridegroom,
threw confetti on the church path,
tittered during the speeches,
“it’s great to have a good laugh!”
Then it was time for the dancing,
she whirled around the dance floor,
her hat and dress were a shambles,
by midnight couldn’t take any more!

This morning her world is all noisy,
she’s taken more than one pill,
but Friday she’s off to a nightclub,
She’s a game bird who’s up for a thrill!

If you’re off to a wedding anytime soon, enjoy and make sure you let yourself go on the dance floor!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

The Fraudulent Farmer!

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I feel like a fraud. Yesterday and this morning I have taken up valuable NHS time in our local hospital when I don’t feel ill, nor do I have anything broken! Yesterday (as a bit of a  joke because they’d borrowed a machine and knowing my love of anything sugary) Mrs Bard and Daughter Bard gave me a blood-sugar test. Apparently according to those in the know, the result should have read between 5-6, therefore the 28.9 set alarm bells going and I found myself frog-marched to A&E in very short order, despite feeling fine and normal…

It was as if it wasn’t me,
lying on a bed in A&E!
Never before have I given a blood sample,
I suppose at least I have an armful.

As a farmer the sight of blood makes me faint,
as an amateur patient brave I ain’t!
The things that always amaze me still,
the bravery of others who are seriously ill.

The nurse and doctors in the blue-curtained stall,
age creed or race they’ll treat them all.
Of course it is Britain’s greatest success,
Our wonderful and vital NHS.

So it looks as it’s goodbye to old abusive friends such as fizzy drinks, doughnuts, wine gums and Wagon Wheels.
With thanks to all the caring professionals at the Lister Hospital, Stevenage for their patience and care.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

A Day Off?

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As my Saturdays are spent running the Baldock car boot sale, Mrs Bard and I sometimes take Monday off in liew. This is all very well until my untroubled morning is interrupted by the phone and reality pokes its head above the parapet…

No commute for me this morning,
Decided to take the whole day off!
Watch drivers queuing at the junction,
They look with envy – don’t they scoff!
The trouble with living ‘above the shop’
(Or on the farm it’s just the same),
There are always jobs you should be doing,
Like sweeping the farmyard in the rain!
So this morning I’m taking it easy,
A leisurely coffee, “that’s great!” I say,
Then the phone interrupts the silence,
And my day off fades away!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share