Category Archives: General Life Observations

April Showers?

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This has been an extraordinary month. April showers have failed to materialise and fertiliser that should have been applied in late-March still sits in the shed a month later. The urea needs moisture to activate it otherwise it just evaporates and no nutrients reach the plant. Luckily we farm heavy clay soil that is well known (and often cursed!) for its moisture retention properties – mostly it’s either hard as rock or wet as muck. This year, despite the dry conditions it is ‘friendly soil’, however I could still do with some rain…

Like passengers at a bus stop,
bags of fertiliser wait in line,
they’ve been queuing for a month,
waiting all this time!
We can’t blame the weather on Brexit,
Trump or even Le Pen,
we want absent April showers,
would help the crops no end!
They say you can’t please a farmer,
no wonder they curse and shout,
lack of rain when needed,
will arrive when the combine’s out!

…despite some slight drizzle yesterday evening, this morning the sun shines like a summer’s morn! Oh well, the one thing nobody control is the weather, so I might as well sit back and enjoy it!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Abandoned Frying Pan!

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After our 687th car boot sale in our 25th year there was very little rubbish to pick up. The morning had started with un-forecasted drizzle but by closing time the sun was shinning. It was quite pleasant wandering around picking up the odd piece of paper or coffee cup. I have found many things left behind in the past, however I came upon a ‘first’…

‘Shadowman’ was picking litter,
after the car boot sale,
his eyesight not what it used to be,
but spots litter without fail!
There on the ground lay a frying pan,
to pick it up he leant down,
but shadows have no grip at all,
so it stayed upon the ground!
Someone had paid 50p,
or that was the price thereon,
the pan was detached from the handle,
thankfully pancake day has gone!

Have a great week. I hope you stay contented, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Silver Stairway to Relief!

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Yesterday while preparing for the first car boot sale of the season I noticed some remedial work was necessary on the toilet steps. After welding up the joints I remembered I had some odd spray cans left over in a unit from an untidy tenant. Two of the cans were silver wheel paint, how perfect for our twenty-fifth anniversary season at the car boot sale…

On top of the trailer staircase,
you will find relief,
the facilities are clean,
I hope your visit’s brief!
On our silver anniversary,
of the car boot sale,
would be unfortunate,
if the staircase were to fail.
I welded up some cracks,
(one hidden underneath)
then painted the staircase silver,
‘Silver Stairway to Relief!’

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, have fun and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS Morning!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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They Will Come!

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Twenty-five years ago this year I stood in a field of grass near Baldock with the gate open. I was hoping, rather like Kevin Costner in the film Field of Dreams, that ‘They Will Come!’ That morning, twelve brave sellers came through the gate with around sixty buyers and the Baldock Car Boot Sale was up and running! However, for 686 Saturday mornings since then, a little voice in the back of my head has continually whispered saying: “Will they come?” Thankfully the answer has always been ‘YES!’ and we have clocked up over 40,000 sellers and well over 500,000 buyers since that first tentative step. They did come…

In my ‘Field of Dreams’,
near to Baldock town,
we have a boutique boot sale,
the happiest around.
It may not be the biggest,
it may not be that small,
but our customers are the friendliest,
God bless them one and all!

Dedicated to the thousands of friends I’ve made during the last 25 years.

From the film ‘Fields of Dreams’ 1989 (Universal Pictures) starring Kevin Costner: 
Ray, people will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past…
…This field, this game: it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Holiday View!

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Mrs Bard and I were having a drink with a couple the other evening and the subject of holiday photos was discussed. They seemed to favour one from a few years ago when they stayed in a villa in the Tuscany Hills in Italy. They promised to e-mail it to me. When it arrived I was much impressed, but wondered if it had come from the brochure…

Marvin and Janet went to stay,
in a Tuscany villa for holiday.
Every evening glasses of wine,
a very good job the weather was fine!
Two chairs, a table, bottle and view,
does it look just like the brochure to you?
Two weeks of idyl, they’ve not returned,
this year’s a package, lessons learned?

Wherever you are in the world this morning, enjoy the view! – Cheers!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Farmers in Pyjamas!

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The other day I was looking at a zebra (as one does on a Thursday near Baldock!) and wondering what it would be like to saddle it up and ride it through the town! It was early afternoon and the only drink that had passed my lips that day was soft…

Wouldn’t it be such fun,
to ride a zebra through the town,
passers-by would wonder why,
and look me up and down!

“Look at that horse in pyjamas”
They’d say to one and all,
“riding through town in a dressing gown?
doesn’t he look a fool!”

“Perhaps he is dreaming,
riding the dusty plains,
inspecting crops in worn flip-flops
hoping that it rains!”

“It’s probably a nightmare,
After a night of drink,
farmers in pyjamas?
What must his mother think?”

With apologies to those who are looking for sense on this Wednesday morning! Have a great day, take care and avoid zebras!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Tiddles and the Driving Lesson!

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It is remarkable the sights you see when you are driving. Up to now they have been mostly un-provable, however the dashcam, ‘Spy-in-the-Windscreen’, now captures everything. On Friday I was driving through a local town and captured ‘Tiddles’ having her first driving lesson…

Tiddles is learning to drive the car,
sits on her daddy’s lap,
the problem when she sees other dogs,
she stands at the window to yap!
She can’t quite reach the pedals,
her paws slip on the steering wheel,
but oh how pedestrians like to laugh,
(other dogs have been known to squeal!).
Daddy keeps an eye on the road,
in case the law should see,
his defence: “Tiddles wasn’t driving,
she’s only just leapt on my knee!”

Have a good day and stay safe out there.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY
25th Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Dangers of Slots!

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I’ve never been a lucky gambler. The horse I backed in the Grand National came in twenty-something places behind the winner, my attempts at winning a fortune on the lottery have all come to naught and as for slot machines, let’s not go there! However it is reported in the media this week that a Jan Flato (66) from Florida was even unluckier…

Jan Flato from Florida went to the casino,
with Marina Navarro his friend,
he put in the coins while she pressed the button,
enjoying themselves no end.
All of a sudden flashing lights and a bell,
the jackpot he thought he’d won,
she scooped up the winnings and did the off,
(presumably at the run!)
According to experts she is the winner,
she pressed the button for sure,
Old Jan said ‘goodbye’ to one hundred thousand dollars,
I suspect he’s feeling quite sore!

Have a great weekend and stay lucky!
Thanks to THE WEEK for keeping me up to date with the week’s news and happenings around the world and around the corner.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bargain Time!

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The other day in my local car accessory shop I noticed a collectors item. These soon-to-be-reduced-bargains were still on prominent display. I stood back, considered a purchase and then looked elsewhere. I dare say I’ll soon see them on a stall at my car boot sale when it opens for its 25th season on the Saturday after Easter…

Anyone want a GB badge,
surrounded by twelve yellow stars?
It once looked modern and bright,
on the boots of cars.
Now it sits unwanted,
on a thousand shelves,
the only way on Santa’s sleigh,
along with twenty elves!
After Easter we might see them,
for sale on boot sale stalls,
and Easter Rabbits with chocolate habits,
who’ve broken EU rules!

Wishing you and yours a Very Happy Easter, whatever your religion or beliefs. I’ll see you on the other side of the holiday! BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Grandfather Rights!

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Following the abolition of Grandfather Rights on farms, I now find myself in need of training in order to do what I used to do as a matter of course. I have completed and passed my PA6A (for knapsack sprayers see (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=9155), but found myself without the foundation course PA1 (Safe Use of Pesticides). Some have questioned my rush for certification, even going so far as to enquire whether I shall be signing up for course ZF3 – safe handling of a Zimmer frame…

Having passed my PA6 it was enquired of me:
“you have no PA1, as far as I can see!”
So yesterday to Whittlesford for more training I went,
‘back to the classroom for you’ I was sent!
Another candidate 40yrs younger than me,
“You here for the Zimmer course, that I can see!”
I replied ‘pardon, my hearing is so poor,
are you in a draught? Then I’ll shut the door!”
I started spraying in nineteen seventy-four,
Now I’ve learned lots I didn’t know before.
Gary taught me much, notes page after page,
Continuous Professional Development…
…even at my advanced age!

Thanks to teacher Gary for his patience in imparting so much information in such a short space of time. Many thanks (with good luck and best wishes) to the other pupil, Katie, who was kind enough not to point out that I was probably old enough to be her grandfather. Gary and Robert (the examiner!) can be found at the Saffron Walden Training Group www.swatg.co.uk

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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