Branch Closure

Posted on April 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Often in the media you hear about banks closing local branches. This is one of those facts of life that generally happen to ‘other people!’ This time, it’s us! Our local branch of Lloyds Bank is due to close. It has perfect parking, superb staff and is popular with local businesses and residents alike. The alternatives proposed have their problems, either with distance or parking. One alternative branch is only open on a Tuesday or Thursday. One wonders if these faceless committee members have ever visited the town…

Lloyds at Baldock is closing down,
(I’ve always thought the best in town!)
Faceless groups in faceless offices,
issue diktats from various orifices.
If an alternative one should seek,
Stevenage: Only open two days a week!
If in Letchworth you try to park,
get up early preferably when it’s dark!
Did they ask us, did they hell!
(they’d dislike the answer, just as well!)
I suspect progress will get the blame,
for us, the customers, it’s just a shame.

With thanks to the wonderful staff I’ve known during 45 years of being a customer. You have always provided a personal service that is getting rarer these days. In terms of banking service, friendliness and customer satisfaction, Baldock is BEST!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Lovely Lucky Cowslips!

Posted on April 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you ever carry out tasks while on auto-pilot? Those tasks that have become so ordinary that your brain spends time ‘away from home?’ Yesterday evening I was mowing the lawn, brain definitely elsewhere, when I almost ran over some annual guests…

The beautiful Cowslips,
back again this year,
in the middle of the lawn,
a disaster was so near.

Every spring I avoid them,
every spring there’s more,
I even avoid them later,
until seeding done for sure.

In emergency I stopped the mower,
they had vanished out of sight,
I felt sick until I reversed,
they they were – they were alright!

Have a great weekend. Make sure you avoid the avoidable and bump into just friends!

The Drover’s Inn

Posted on April 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I was flying my drone above a small wood on the farm known as ‘The Rough Field’. This is actually not a bad name for the small wooded area as it was the location of an inn in the Seventeenth Century called The Tabbard. It was next to the old Icknield Way, an ancient Roman Road, popular with drovers and had a field (presumably to house the drovers animals overnight) called Fiddler’s Mead. Its fate is described by the name of the track leading down to it from what is now the main road to Baldock, one can only presume that activities in the inn at Rough Field led to the naming of Burnthouse Lane…

“I’ve walked many a few miles,
these last few days,” said the drover.
“I’ve avoided rogues and thieves,
on my journey down to Dover!
And now I’m ready,
to sup a quart of ale,
lay my hand upon a wench,
and listen to many a drunken tale!
My sheep are safely grazing
in the meadow called Fiddlers Mead,
bring me a jug of ale,
I have not patience left to plead.”
Later that terrible night,
in the light of the full moon,
drunken drovers started fighting,
it was over all too soon.
Our drover bleeding and staggering
with the bolt across the door,
fell into the fireplace,
drover and inn were no more!

Wishing you a good day. May your sheep never wander and your glass always be full

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22^nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Retired Tractor!

Posted on April 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I started up our old David Brown tractor. When she was new and shiny she was on display at the East of England Show! Now her bonnet is pitted with rust, her windscreen is filthy and she sometimes can’t help but dribble oil. She is is also prone to bad moods, gross flatulence and doesn’t like getting up in the mornings…

We have an old tractor,
Her name is David Brown!
She’s now retired,
Doesn’t work upon the ground.
She’ll likely be seen,
Sawing up some wood,
She’d like to go ploughing,
I doubt if she could.
So she sits in the shed,
Doesn’t go anywhere,
It’s the tractor equivalent,
Of the high wing-back chair!

The Downside of Pigsheds!

Posted on April 4, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Thirty-five years ago we had pigs on the farm. Unfortunately they became less and less profitable and so we became a stock-less, arable farm. The piggeries were turned into small industrial units, about double the size of a lock-up garage. Over the years we have had a variety of tenants from motorhome builders to motorbike breakers to picture framers to car repairers. Very seldom over this time have tenants surprised me, however there is always one who surpasses all others…

We had a crap tenant I’ll call him ‘Fred’,
did auto-repairs in our former pig shed.
One day he just up-sticked and left,
I have to say – leaving no-one bereft!
When we opened his former unit door,
it looked like landfill all over the floor.
I called in some help to clear out the place,
the smell and the filth was an utter disgrace.
Thanks to them all it’s ready to rent,
family labour is just Heaven sent!

The upside to this story is that a new tenant joins us this morning and the old tenant has moved to a unit in Birmingham. I have learned my lesson and am more choosy now.

Mrs Meerkat’s Monday!

Posted on April 3, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I came across Mrs Meerkat. She looked exhausted. So tired that she lay down on the path in front of her house and refused to move, not even when offered a cup of tea! Never being one to complain I didn’t expect to hear of all her troubles…

“My seventeen children,
have just left for school,
I normally cope,
I’m really quite cool.
But today is Monday,
there’s Ballet and Tap,
at least no football or rugby,
it’s Tuesdays for that!
The old man’s on business,
he’s gone for a week,
could have sworn I just saw him,
in the High Street!
There’s a huge pile of clothes,
I’ve got to iron,
I’m awaiting the plumber
a nice man called Brian!
But above all,
I’m not really fine,
I went to the cupboard,
I’ve run out of wine!”

Have a great week and don’t let your troubles (or your seventeen children) get you down!
Thanks to Mrs Meerkat for the photo (you can meet her and her family at Paradise Wildlife Park www.pwpark.com).

Sunny Clod Crushing!

Posted on March 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s strange how a few hours can make such a difference to most things. The evening before last I had to pull out of rolling a field after the drill because great clods of clay were sticking to the rolls. Yesterday the sun came out and within a few hours the result was completely different and I was a ‘Happy Chappie!”…

Some days things go badly,
other days things go well.
Yesterday I was in rolling heaven,
the day before in rolling hell!
When the sun comes out in the afternoon,
and the top of the soil dries,
the rolls clank away merrily,
a perfect clod-crushing exercise!
Whatever you do in life,
some days work out just fine,
often your rolls clog in the morning,
after lunch bathe in perfect sunshine!

May the sun shine on you today, your rolls clank merrily and crush all those clods that inhibit your enjoyment of a Friday!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Different Fields!

Posted on March 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening I realised with alarm that the ground after the drill was wetter than I had considered. I had momentarily forgotten two basic rules of farming – ‘No two fields are the same’ and ‘Make mess at drilling time and it’ll still be there at harvest!’ I’d rolled two fields in perfect conditions and then reached the third that was much wetter…

Sometimes it’s time to go home,
and leave the operation ’till later,
the rolls were clogging up after drilling oats,
more lumps than an alligator!
The drill man looked in desperation,
raised his eyes to the sky,
one look and I knew what he was thinking,
“you’re making a mess of my job – OH WHY?”

If you’re passing my brown field outside Baldock, just look the other way and I’ll be very grateful!

The View from my Window!

Posted on March 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There is nothing quite like the view from a tractor cab when you’re doing a job like rolling. You sit there hour after hour going up and down the field putting the sort of stripes in the wheat crop that are normally associated with Wimbledon Tennis Club. However, after a while it can get rather tedious…

Rolling the wheat on West Field,
up and down I go,
boredom is setting in,
fed up with the radio!
My flask of tea is empty,
the water has gone too,
and all I’m left to occupy me,
is watch the passing view!
It’s then I suddenly realise,
how lucky can I be,
watching passing countryside,
Anyone want to swap with me?

Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing today, enjoy the view!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Riding With The Pig!

Posted on March 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are sometimes when you wish away the number of candles on your cake. I don’t suppose there is a pre-school child on earth who isn’t fixated by Peppa Pig. This pretty porker that they all wish was their bestie, has won them over so conclusively that even grown-ups are sometimes smitten…

Pepper Pig and brother George,
are even seen in Cheddar Gorge!
Everywhere in our midst,
they bring enjoyment to pre-school kids!
I discovered with glee and pride,
a solitary supermarket ride!
Inserted a pound in the slot,
my age and size I completely forget.
Security arrived in a huff,
“OK Granddad that’s enough,
Can’t you see you’re rather big,
to hitch a ride with Pepper Pig!”

(In my dreams!) Unfortunately I would have to be extracted by the local fire-brigade. However a big ‘Thank You’ to Peppa’s creators for their genius. Go Peppa!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: General Life Observations