Category Archives: Lifes Little Irritants

Not Man-Flu!

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Nearly everyone I’ve met in the last week seems to have had a nasty cold. Some have had flu and some just feel under the weather. I suppose it serves me right for mocking the afflicted but yesterday I sniffled my way through an important meeting…

There’s a vicious lurgy,
that’s doing the rounds,
where did it come from?
Certainly fertile grounds!

It’s not because I missed the jab,
or because I’m very old,
judging by the sneezing,
looks like I’ve got a cold!

May you stay germ-free
I hope it doesn’t strike you,
from my perspective,
it’s worse that any man-flu!

Here’s hoping you stay healthy, wealthy and wise!

© Baldock Bard 2019
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard


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When the answer is chips…

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Recently I did some tree trimming with son-in-law John. He is a wiz with a chainsaw and I hoisted him up in the cage on the front of the JCB Loadall to cut some low-hanging branches. My father planted these trees, hoping to make a fortune, but alas he didn’t anticipate the decline of the humble match! Job done, I stood back looking at the mess we’d made and not looking forward to clearing up…

John’s in the cage,
taking branches down,
buzz, buzz, buzz,
they’re falling to the ground!

We’ve made a mess,
all over the track,
how are we going to clear it,
so we can make our way back?

I’d never used a chipper,
no idea what it could do,
but in a short while,
it had returned the view!


Have a great weekend and don’t forget to have chips with it!

 © Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

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Matt’s Man Flu!

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Yesterday I saw a friend who was not well. Matt is a big guy and to see him laid low by something so iniquitous was not a pretty sight. Being a sympathetic person, I had to record his suffering with a photo! Then I had an urge to write about him to complete his misery…

“I’m boiling cold,
and freezing hot,
I think it’s man flu,
that I’ve got!”

“Do you feed a cold,
or starve the flu?
I’ll give it beer,
that’s what I’ll do!”

“When I’m asked,
‘Why not in bed?’
I will say:
‘Hangover’ instead!”

Wishing ‘Big Matt’ a very speedy recovery!
Have a great day and keep away from germs!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019
Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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Decision Made…!

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There is a photo-sharing website that has a category entitled ‘A decision was made here!’ of items returned by shoppers to the wrong shelf. Yesterday in a supermarket I witnessed this having just witnessed a hissed argument between a husband and wife. I added two and two together…

HE SAID:
“What’s that in the trolley?
Who do you think you are?
Even with weight loss,
you’re no Kate Moss,
you’ll never fill that bra!”

SHE SAID
“Why thank you darling husband,
for those comforting words I hear,
your expansive gut,
you like to strut,
can’t possibly be down to beer!”

On the end of an aisle a discarded bra,
that she’ll never fill,
the argument,
means money spent,
enough crisps to make her ill!

Have a great day and steer clear of any unpleasantness if you can! Let’s all be kind out there!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
RETURNS AFTER 27 YEARS!
First Saturday after Easter 2019

Buyers will still Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The World’s Largest Donut!

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The other night I dreamt that I was eating the world’s largest donut! Being diabetic and no longer allowed such fare, it was a wonderful illicit dream and took me back in time to two years ago before I was diagnosed when it would have been no impossible dream…

The world’s largest donut,
was in front of me!
Had to lift it up,
with my JCB.
Opened wide,
and took a bite,
to eat it all,
would have taken all night!

When I woke in the morning,
no sugar-coated mouth,
no lump in my stomach,
heading south,
I could have sworn if allowed,
I’d have eaten it all,
the wonderful dreams,
of a diabetic fool!

Have a fantastic Friday and if you can, treat yourself!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE TOMORROW!
THIS SATURDAY
20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Politics of Silence

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Last week at the Baldock car boot sale a seller was selling picture frames. He used one to make a valid political observation. I’m not fond of any politician and I found myself agreeing with his message…

Where were all the Euro-MP’s,
before we had the vote?
I can’t remember a single one,
saying anything of note.

Do you know the name of your Euro MP?
Do you know what they’ve achieved?
Their silence is truly deafening,
leaves ordinary voters aggrieved.

They’ve got their seats on the gravy train,
don’t care about you and me,
what they do in Brussels we’ll never know,
it’s politics you see!

Am I interested in these parasites?
“Hell no!” is what I say!
I’d exile them all to Elba,
with not a euro of severance pay!

Have a great week and let’s just pray for some common sense, for all our sakes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
LAST SALE THIS SEASON
THIS SATURDAY
20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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The Amateur Plumber!

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Most farmers are, through necessity, ‘Jack of All Trades!’. They can turn their hands to most things in an emergency, mostly so long as it involves baler-twine or gaffer tape! I try my best, I never tough electrics, however have been known to tackle small plumbing jobs. Yesterday the taps ran dry in the house and so I replaced a ball-cock in the attic…

I’m a very amateur plumber,
I’m not a plumbers mate,
I can sometimes mend a water leak,
before it is too late.

But sometimes I leave it,
“I’ll sort that out sometime!”
and water drips through the ceiling,
and yes! The fault is mine!

This time all went smoothly,
praise caught me unawares,
then I went and spoilt it,
the ladder’s still upstairs!

May you shower be warm and your taps never drip!
Have a great Friday and weekend

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Trying Too Hard!

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Last night I sent up my drone to take the perfect sunset picture. Now I’m a simple ‘Point and Squirt’ photographer who relies on the maxim that if I take 100 photos, then one may possibly be OK…

I sent up my drone to capture the sunset.
I tried different altitudes,
I tried different filters,
I tried different camera settings,
I tried different headings,
then I gave up.

On my way to fetch a takeaway later,
I stopped at the end of the drive,
took out my iPhone,
and ‘click!’
took the picture above.

No editing,
no tricks,
no fancy gadgets.

…Sometimes in life we just try too hard!

Have a great day and may you have the luck you deserve!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD.

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The Farmer’s Wheelbarrow!

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I have to admit I see gardening as a chore not a pleasure. This is rather disappointing as I have inherited rather a large area to tend along with numerous antique topiary hedges that seem to need constant attention. This results in large amounts of clippings to move. I have a secret weapon, my ‘Farmer’s Wheelbarrow’…

Do farmers make good gardeners?
I really can’t see how,
they’re used to mechanized everything,
even to milk a cow!
So when I’m in my garden,
my wheelbarrow is large and yellow,
from the path passers-by laugh,
“look at that farmer fellow!”

Have a great day and enjoy the beauty of the garden!
(Preferably with a drink in hand!)

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

Share

The Dangers of Peanut Butter!

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One of the downsides to living in the countryside in autumn is the annual migration of mice into the house from outside. Not only are they odorous and irritating in the larder, but they make a tremendous racket underneath the floorboards. While some may disagree with using mouse traps, it is instant, unlike poison which kills slowly sometimes taking hours to achieve its objective and then leaving behind a rotting smell for days. In the last week we have disposed of over twenty, sometimes two or more to a trap, knowing my luck I’ll return in the next life as a mouse…

Three Dancing Mice
don’t they have fun
they dance behind the skirting boards
sounding like the ravaging hoards
swinging wildly to the musical chords
Three dancing mice

Three dancing mice
they no longer swing
tempted by some peanut butter
“A wonderful smell!” one did utter
a snap and then a disbelief stutter
Three dead mice

Stay safe out there and avoid peanut butter at all costs!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


Share