Category Archives: Lifes Little Irritants

Monday Morning Moan!

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child-parkThe other day I went shopping with my 4 year-old granddaughter. Hoping for the miracle of an empty mother/toddler parking space I drove to the front of the car park. Yes! there was a space, however as I’d not arrived in a toy car, space was at a premium…

Arriving to park by the door,
my temperature rose sky-high once more,
a selfish parker had taken up two places,
in the mother/toddler parking spaces.
Looking into the errant-parked car,
I felt the driver had gone too far,
no car seat, no evidence of a child,
made this grandad awful wild!
From the back seat came a small voice:
“We’ll just have to go where there is more choice!”

This just proves that a four-year-old has more sense than me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Long Queue!

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img_2265The other day Mrs Bard and I joined a queue behind two tractors that lasted many miles. There was no overtaking, even though we passed many places where the two tractors could have pulled in to let the queue pass. This was all the more frustrating as we were in 4th place! When I looked in the rear-view mirror, the traffic behind stretched as far as I could see. Mrs Bard said it was probably a good exercise for me to be on the other side of the fence for a change, a charge I disputed as I always try my best to pull in wherever possible when driving my tractor…

If you’re in a rush,
if you’re in a hurry,
There will be a hold-up,
it’s Sod’s Law – don’t you worry!
It may be a lorry,
it could be a bus,
or possibly two tractors,
you can’t make a fuss!
Sometimes you’re at the back,
sometimes at the front,
when you finally get to pass,
you may curse their selfish stunt!
It is most frustrating,
it is never fun,
but ‘Karma’ gets them in the end,
you’ll never know you’ve won!

I hope there are no hold-ups in your day today and none caused by a farmer. We are only Son’s of the Soil, so blame me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Rainy Days and Mondays!

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rainbow-23Do you sometimes find that Mondays can be tough when you’ve been away? This morning I shall probably have to jump start myself in order to have any chance of achieving anything. It doesn’t help that my prayers have finally been answered in the weather department, showing up leaking gutters and blocked drains…

Monday morning work again,
dark dank morning pouring with rain!
Last month I prayed for raindrops to plop,
now I fear it won’t know when to stop!
Just shows ‘be careful for what you ask’,
for nature may take you to task,
so looking towards the sky refrain,
from shouting loudly: “Where’s my rain?”

Have a great Monday, just ignore the rain, it’s my fault, I’m sorry! Have a rainbow to brighten your day!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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In The Digital Darkness!

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darknessFor the last eight days I have been in IT darkness! Mrs Bard and I rented an apartment in a Norfolk seaside town and I couldn’t find a way to attach my Macbook to the wifi. My iPhone would only find a signal through an outstretched arm on the balcony and there was no postbox in sight. So those who foretold of my untimely demise are to be disappointed, I am back…

I cannot believe I’d ever feel this way,
with no means of communication on holiday,
but when I got used to having no signal,
I had time to read upon my Kindle!
Mealtimes had no interruptions,
no viruses worms or other corruptions!
Wherever we went in this iPhone nation,
people were texting with no conversation!
Youngsters sat around cafe table,
clicking and clacking – speech not able!
Now I’m home I have to say,
I was most relaxed on my i-Free holiday!

With thanks to those who e-mailed to enquire about my general state of health, I hope you all enjoy a relaxing weekend.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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The Mechanic’s Encore!

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twins-4Just when I thought that my saga of major breakdowns was over, I was stranded in a field a fair way from the farm with a tractor that refused to move. I only had a handkerchief-sized piece of the field left to plough. Enter stage left the ‘Mechanical Twins’ for another encore…

I’m thinking I shouldn’t be allowed near a tractor,
In the scheme of things I’m the weakest factor!
Every time I put on the plough,
I do some damage I don’t know how.
My latest damage was late at night,
Should have stopped after tea it wasn’t right,
I came to turn at the headland mark,
The tractor stopped as if resting in ‘park’.
Another visit from the mechanical twins,
(Who, we all know work magic on mechanical things!)
After an agonisingly slow journey back to the farm,
They inspected the tractor with some alarm,
Jonnie said, “I am truly very sorry”
“This tractor’s off to Luton we’ll send you a lorry!”
The other Jonnie smiled, with not much to say
‘Cos he’s off on holiday this Wednesday!

I have given myself a second written warning, one more and I could face the sack. Remember to appreciate your local mechanic, as they are the doctors and surgeons of the mechanical world. Yet again my thanks to Oliver Landpower of Luton and everyone who is trying to get me back in the furrow as soon as possible.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Devious Tractor!

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errorsNow my JCB tractor has been mended, it spends its day searching for new ways for me to re-employ those nice engineers that repaired it recently! It has shown it’s irritation with my non-co-operation by displaying a number of spurious warnings and buzzing it’s warning buzzer, very loudly. Frankly, I’m less than impressed…

My tractor really hates me,
It blames me for everything,
From making it work in the morning,
To the loss of another lynchpin!
Every so often it confuses me,
By identifying computer errors,
Yesterday it found 255,
Enough to spread the terrors!
However I knew how to sort it,
Even though attention it seek,
I simply stop and start the engine,
A tractor’s Control Alt Delete!

Today it is in the shed as I leave it to open the Baldock Car Boot Sale. Maybe it’ll have time to consider it’s actions! Have a great weekend everyone and stay safe!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Bossy Spider!

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spiderYesterday, while using the smallest room in the house, I came across one of the largest spiders I’ve ever seen. As per usual I took a photo. When I looked closely, the damn spider was laughing at me and pointing to cracks in the wall. Rather than waste a picture I have used it and promise that when all the landwork is finished I shall do some DIY…

The largest spider in our house,
is big enough to frighten a mouse,
it sits waiting in the downstairs loo,
to leap out at users and shout ‘Boo!”
Yesterday it suggested to me,
things were not as things should be!
I should forget the tractor and just try,
to try my hand at some DIY!
“Look at how I have to live,
These cracks in the wall are massive,
Unless you deal with them real soon,
I shall be forced to move to a different room!”

…with apologies to all arachnophobes for not posting a warning.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Desperate Times!

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img_0490There are times when you should be busy, but because of circumstances you find yourself kicking your heels. This month has been most frustrating, much to do but plagued by major tractor breakdowns. Desperate times may call for desperate measures…

The tractor sits wheel-less in the corner,
the plough lies abandoned in the yard,
after a week the field remains unvisited,
inaction when there’s work to do is hard.

The awaited parts are on back-order,
in a month they may be on the farm,
I’ll have to fetch Dolly from the stable,
a horse-drawn plough and really chance my arm!

With thanks to all those who are trying their best to make things happen on the parts front.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Staying Lucky!

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img_0490Many years ago there was a seller at our weekly Saturday car boot sales that everyone called ‘Lucky’. Needless to say if something could go wrong, it would go wrong for poor old Lucky. He bought a consignment of lighters, a real bargain, until one very hot day they ignited and burnt his van to the ground. If Orange was the ‘in’colour, Lucky would have invested in red! This fortnight I’ve felt a bit like Lucky. Last week the differential on the front axle of my tractor broke. This week the rear axle tried to divorce the rest of the machine and do the off, leading to very expensive repair #2. However every cloud has a silver lining and my lucky moment was when the tractor collapsed in the yard and not in the field…

If you knew luck,
like I do at the moment,
you’d put life on hold,
call for a postponement!

The poor old tractor,
jacked up in the barn,
this time it’s the rear,
that is cause for alarm.

It’s only a machine,
and nobody got hurt,
I’ll soon be back,
ploughing up the dirt!

You needn’t look far,
to find someone who’s in pain,
and so I think I’m lucky,
…at least it didn’t rain!

Have a good day and STAY LUCKY!
Yet again Oliver Landpower from Luton were on the scene and dealing with the problem in record time. If they continue to offer such great service I may just have to call them the farm’s 4th Emergency service!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Poorly Tractor!

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Readers who read my last posting will remember that when I left you there was something wrong with the JCB Fastrac tractor. A horrible clonking sound was coming from the front axle and ploughing had to be postponed while we awaited the mechanics…

The JCB Fastrac was ploughing,
day-dreaming as JCB’s do,
about a digger called Doug,
and a dumper-truck from Peru!

She was driving across the Savannah,
frolicking in the long grass,
when all of a sudden a pain,
in an instant her daydream was past!

The mechanics who last gave her a service,
looked on with horror at her gear,
pronounced with concern “differential”
“This looks serious we fear!”

She sits in the shed abandoned,
weeping silent tears on the floor,
parts are due from the factory,
so she can frolic wth the plough once more!

With grateful thanks to the skilled ‘Tractor-Doctors’ from Oliver Landpower at Luton, without whose skill I would be left scratching my head with confusion!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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