Category Archives: Lifes Little Irritants

The Blame Game!

Posted on by
Share

When was the last time you broke something? Was it one of those silly moments when the breakage could have been avoided? When fertiliser arrives on the farm in one-tonne bags a lack of concentration can be serious. I was careless and broke a cladding sheet in the barn while stacking the bags with the JCB Loadall. It will be difficult to replace as it is heavy, awkward and in a very inconvenient place. The worst part is that there is no one else to blame…

I’ve a new window up in the barn.
While stacking fertilizer looked up with alarm,
I had heard a very large crack,
Now daylight was seen at the back!
It’s there now for all to see,
“Yes!” you’ll all know that it was me,
In future I’ll surely know,
steady with big bags to go!
Broken CladdingIt must be great to be able to blame others, however when there is never anyone else around it is not impossible but difficult!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The ‘F’ Word!

Posted on by
Share

dressIf you have children, grandchildren or see children at any point during your day you’ll be able to recognise a ‘Frozen’ attack. It starts with just one chorus of ‘Let it Go’, possibly even sung as a joke at the bar or overheard in the office. By then, even though you don’t know it, you’re hooked. The next stage is dressing in sky blue whilst singing, howling or caterwauling ‘Let it Go!” Despite being mainly aimed at children, sometimes it even strikes down the elderly…

Woke up this morning quite disturbed,
in my head a song I’d heard,
wouldn’t shift ever hard I tried!
Round and round my brain was fried!
My Granddaughter came through the door,
I couldn’t take it any more,
as she ran to and fro,
she was screaming ‘Let it go-o!”
I knew by then I must lie down,
psychiatrist’s couch in Baldock town!
Outside the fields had no snow,
I just muttered “Let it Go!”
It’s been removed from my head,
replaced by emptiness instead.
They say release can be quite brief,
avoid it if you want relief.
I still hanker for a dress of blue!
the next afflicted could be YOU!

Why didn’t I write those lyrics? I have to admit the whole film/music/clothing thing is very cleverly aimed with a scatter-gun, affecting just about everyone! Criticism is simply jealousy!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Lesson of the Leaning Poles!

Posted on by
Share

At work do you ever get a ‘Tractor-Driving’ moment? You are sitting at a desk (or similar), working on auto-pilot, and your mind wanders so far off target that when you ‘return’ to the job in hand you shock yourself. There are obviously times when this is unadvisable (e.g. if you drive for a living or are a chef with knives), but on certain jobs I find such moments unavoidable…

I was mowing yesterday,
topping grass not making hay,
when my mind went for a walk,
even ignored the radio squawk!

When I came back ‘into the room’,
(soundless entry, not a zoom!),
electric poles there were a-sway,
had I hit them whilst away?

Looking from the tractor seat,
I’d missed them by quite some feet,
I let out a most relieved sigh,
and gave thanks to the One on High!

…and vowed never to do that again. I’d learned a valuable lesson that will be avoided next time by paying attention!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Power Cut!

Posted on by
Share

power cutThis morning, at just after seven, the lights went out. We had a power cut. Ringing the power carrier (like Aquarius but with volts), I was informed by a distended voice that she knew about the fault in my area, it was probably due to the effect of heavy rain on underground cables and that everything would be back to normal very soon…

There’s no electric,
we’re in the dark,
no hot drinks,
the choice is stark!
Such a nice lady,
other end of the phone,
dealing with it personally,
on her own!
She wears high-vis,
everyone can see,
she’s down the hole,
mending the wire for me!

…Don’t go beserk,
with UK Power Network,
by half-past-nine,
…all was fine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

No Need for a Cork!

Posted on by
Share

Sloe GinAccording to ‘Lifestyle Advisors’, larders in houses are making a comeback. Naturally, being ahead of the game, we’ve always had one. Unfortunately a larder also becomes the harbourer of antiquated tins, that unidentifiable and undrinkable bottle friends brought back from a foreign holiday and enough bags for life to see me into my 209th year. Some things once discovered cannot be ignored…

I found a bottle of Sloe Gin in the larder,
Thought to myself ‘just a taste’,
The liquid the smoothest of flavours,
Within no time was rat-faced!

I struggled to push back the stopper,
The cork I had wouldn’t fit,
To make room I had another glassful,
Tasted better the second hit!

I really had no other option,
But to empty every drop to my glass,
I drained the last from the bottle,
Then spectacularly fell on my ass!

I lay on my back like a fly-sprayed,
On my chest an empty bottle,
I don’t think Mrs Bard was amused,
As my neck she started to throttle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Full Day!

Posted on by
Share

UAV showOnce in a while I oversleep. Normally when I’ve stupidly tried to cram too much into my day. Yesterday was one of those days: I was out rolling long before daybreak, at ten o’clock I drove to EdeCel in East London for the UAV (drone) show and by half past three was back on my tractor until darkness fell. Something had to give way…

I’m sorry I’m late
My bed wouldn’t release me
It held me hostage
No ransom demands were sent
No payments made
And before I knew it
I was late

So it’s not my fault
You’ll have to speak
To my warm pillows and duvet
It’s their fault
Not mine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

Share

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

Posted on by
Share

JCB RollingHere I am, up at the crack of dawn once again. There is no car boot sale, the warm bed I’ve just left is still inviting and it’s pitch black outside. The problem is that we’ve nearly finished planting wheat, the seedbeds need compacting (just like the household staff prepare your bed in a hotel!) and rain is on the way…

Rolling, rolling, rolling,
is what I did last night,
rolling, rolling, rolling,
under the tractor’s light!

Wildlife ignored me,
“What’s he up to now?
in the dark he’s normally absent,
Except sometimes with the plough!”

I’ve got to get it finished,
before it comes to rain,
and then the fields at night,
can be peaceful once again!

Have a great day, sorry about the noise last night!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Confucius He Say…!

Posted on by
Share

Drill 4Good old Confucius left a whole host of sayings when he shuffled off his mortal coil. We all have our favourites, mine being: ‘May you live in interesting times’. Unfortunately when he wrote this, he didn’t say whether he meant good or bad times. At the moment we are planting wheat with an uncertain future. All commodity prices are on the floor and there is little confidence amongst food producers. However, despite this uncertainty, I find these are also exciting times as we farmers constantly re-evaluate everything in our fields. Maybe Confucius was right…

We’re planting wheat,
they forecast rain,
I wish they’d keep it,
back in Spain!
This time last year,
we’d shut the gate,
this year’s plantings,
a trifle late.
We’re also loading,
wheat from the barn,
worth bugger-all,
cause for alarm.
But what is this?
in high street shops,
massive mark-ups,
on all their stocks.
I’m not saying,
“I don’t care”
but at least I’m vertical
and breathing air!

Thank you Confucius; Happy Days!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Sweeping!

Posted on by
Share

New SweeperAll I seem to do at the moment is sweep. We have loads and loads of wheat leaving the farm and after each load has gone I sweep! Then I empty a bin next door, transfer it over to the big shed by conveyor and sweep again. My son-in-law bought me a new sweeper the other day, it’s been a godsend…

I load a lorry,
I sweep the shed,
empty a bin,
sweep that instead!
I sweep the walls,
I sweep the floor,
Why do both?
I’m not sure!
Then another lorry,
leaves the farm,
and I re-engage,
my sweeping arm!

© Baldock Bard 2015

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk


The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Knackered of Baldock!

Posted on by
Share

Linseed binYesterday I moved a bin of linseed from one bin to another. This morning I feel ninety-nine years old. There was a time when I’d not notice the physical work and merrily rush from bin to bin singing as I went. Yesterday I hardly had the strength to climb the ladder out of the bin, let alone sing ye olde farm shanty…

I’m not Eighteen any more,
I shovelled a bin of linseed and I’m sore,
The emptier the bin,
the worse a state ‘twas in,
I’m ready for the knacker’s yard I’m sure!

If anyone can recommend a good retirement home I’d be grateful!
Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share