Category Archives: Lifestyle

The Big Hungry Fish!

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Fish 2Staying with friends in Portland on the South Coast of Dorset, I noticed a pair of rather attractive dishes on the bedside tables in my room. They were handmade in Greece, possibly by former Euro-currency traders, now potters, all called Zorba. Not knowing why, I took a couple of snaps and ‘Hey-Presto’ here they are…

A little fish was swimming,
in the water against the tide,
A large fish called out to him:
“Come here for a ride!”

The little fish responded:
“I think I’ll swim beneath,
Because I’m rather wary
of your great big teeth!”

“My teeth are made for smiling,
My teeth are made to grin,
I’m really not that hungry,
You’re welcome to come in!”

Just as he was speaking,
His big mouth open wide,
A hook from the surface,
Lodged itself inside!

It just goes to show,
(If you are a fish)
What you end up getting,
Is not always what you wish!
Fish 1

You too can stay in this charming Dorset house!: http://www.homeaway.co.uk/p1171249?cid=SM_Facebook_slideshow_T_LPROP&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=propertyslideshow

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Time Travel with my Stomach!

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Wagon Wheel 1I’m always pleased (at my advanced age!) to rediscover tastes and experiences that I’d forgotten. The other day Mrs Bard and I were in Morrisons at Sterling Corner at the bottom of the A1 when I discovered they sold Wagon wheels! I could hardly wait until I got home before ripping open the packet to travel back in time…

I opened the packet of Wagon Wheels
And much to my surprise
Over the years they had shrunk
To almost half the size

The chocolate was still melty
The biscuit still held a crunch
But where was the thick layer of mallow?
I used to enjoy after lunch!

It was only then that I realized,
The years had slipped away,
And nothing still tasted the same,
As it did back in the day!

So next time I have a brainwave,
I shall ignore the time-travel call,
Because nothing is quite the same,
As it was when I was small!
Wagon Wheel 2However having finished the packet of six in one sitting I can say they are still irresistible and produce the same over-indulgent stomach ache as they did when I pigged out back then. After all these years I still haven’t learnt that one is enough and that the packet will still be available the next day!!!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Friends!

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All FriendsMrs Bard and I spent a wonderful weekend surrounded by a random selection of friends. When they had all scattered back to their everyday lives and the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, I suddenly realised how lucky we were in friendship. Someone once told me that you don’t make lasting friends when you get older. Believe me that’s so untrue, most of the friends who’s company we enjoyed yesterday, were unknown to us ten years ago. Go on, shock yourself, make a new friend today…

Where would we be without friends?
On a wonderful sunny afternoon,
There’s talk and laughter and merriment,
And the day passes all too soon!
Some friends fall by the wayside,
When it’s bumpy they just can’t hang on,
But others just cling tighter,
And are there when things go wrong!
So here’s to you and to friendship,
To times we’ll never forget,
Maybe I don’t even know you,
It’s simply we haven’t yet met!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Personal Marketing!

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IMG_6945Friend Hazel bought me a present with my name on! She couldn’t find Baldock or Bard, so she had to make do with one of my lesser monikers. Yesterday on the tractor I drunk it! Whilst in the process I thought of how it was possibly the best marketing ploy ever…

Glug, glug, glug goes the bottle,
As I’m driving my tractor,
A smile encased, my dusty face,
Personalisation the deciding factor!

In service stations and shops,
Up and down the land,
You always see, folks like me,
With a bottle in their hand!

However the name might be wrong,
I’ve been Sue, Chantelle and Grace,
But for a while, it brings a smile,
To a strangers face!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Reluctant Riser!

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Bootsale 160814This morning I wanted to turn off the alarm, turn over and go back to sleep. It has been a busy fortnight harvesting and cultivating and my get-up-and-go was lying broken under the warm duvet. I lay there, realised that a couple of thousand people are relying on me to open two green gates and leapt out of bed…

Five-past five Saturday morning,
I stretch out my arm,
and attempt to curtail,
the bleedin’ alarm.
Still sleeping peacefully,
two dogs and my wife,
I want to turn over,
Continue dream life!

Dream life is peaceful,
Dream life is calm,
but dream life is stolen,
by the alarm.
In dream life you’re perfect,
incredibly wealthy,
in real life more important,
to be fit and healthy!

So up with the lark,
It’s dawn anyway,
out to the world,
To salute a new day!
New people to meet,
Some dark and some pale,
Laughter and fun,
at the Baldock Boot Sale.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Old Age Awaits us All!

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Old AgeWhile waiting in a car park the other day I was enjoying a spot of people-spotting. An old lady was making her way along the pavement. I realised that as a society we ignore the elderly and treat them like pariahs rather than former wealth-creators. Invisibility is their only reward…

I sit on the bed to put on my socks
I can no longer touch my toes
My toenails are now like rhino horn
That’s how old age goes

I need my specs to find my specs
The truth the mirror shows
I hope my eyesight doesn’t improve
That’s how old age goes!

My legs are next to useless
Now a burden I suppose
Some used to find them attractive
That’s how old age goes

My teeth I drown in a mug at night
Iced over when it snows
Can’t afford to pay for heating
That’s how old age goes!

My friends have predeceased me
I’ve buried all my foes
I’ve no one left who knows me
That’s how old age goes!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Campervan Travels from Number Thirteen!

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Camper ParkThere is a house that I’ve known for about seven years that has recently been sold. Part of the landscape of this property is a ‘car-port’, which houses a luxury campervan. Whenever the campervan was missing I used to imagine it’s location. It didn’t really matter if I was right or wrong, as it was never confirmed! However it allowed my imagination free reign as I walked around the shops…

The campervan at Number Thirteen,
Will soon be seen no more,
The house displays a ‘SOLD’ sign,
Outside the white front door!
I wonder where they’ve been?
And will they go again?
Do they like the South of France,
Or maybe prefer Spain?

Or have they travelled further afield,
To Turkey or even Greece,
Or have they been to Katmandu,
To visit a distant niece!
I shall never know where they go,
As soon they’ll be gone for good,
Do the newcomers have a campervan?
I really think they should!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Abandoned Rose in the River

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Abandoned RoseI was in a riverside pub garden recently when something colourful caught my eye. In an eddy behind a fallen tree, amongst the takeaway cartons, garden trimmings and general surface scum, was a single abandoned red rose. How it arrived there and why it had been rejected in such a startling manner, I could only imagine…

In the pub garden, by a river, the young couple sat,
watching the boats and stroking a cat!
The young man wondered, ‘when shall I ask?’
The girl gripped her vodka, her face a stone mask.
In a carrier by his feet, with some romantic prose,
a small dark blue box and a single red rose.

He dropped to one knee, holding rose and ring,
she hissed, “get up now, you ‘effin-daft thing!”
Without looking back, she made a dash for the door,
Leaving him certain, he would see her no more.
Ring back in his pocket, he flung the rose far,
into the river and walked alone to his car.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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I’ve Been Framed by Collapsing Chair!

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Collapsed CharIt is a blessing that there are very few photos of me in circulation. My image tends to crack lenses, cause power cuts and destroy hard drives! However an embarrassing photograph has surfaced so I deemed it important that I release it before others take the opportunity. Needless to say not a drop of drink had been taken, you’ll have to believe me on that one…

I was sitting very comfortably,
Underneath a tree,
When all of a sudden,
The chair gave way under me!
Everybody laughed,
I thought with some relief,
Nobody had a camera,
‘You’ve Been Framed’ beyond belief!

And then to my amazement,
A picture of my fail,
Legs in the air upon my back,
Arrived to my E-mail!
So thank you Hazel for the snap,
I suppose it serves me right,
If I can’t take as well as hand it out,
No-one would view my plight!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Dating Woes of a Common Maidenfly!

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Maidenfly datingI took a photo the other day of what I thought was a mini-dragonfly. Typically I was wrong, it was a Maiden Fly! I knew nothing about them until a search engine told me they were useless at dating…

Once a Maiden Fly,
On a leaf did alight,
She sat there for a while,
She wasn’t very bright!
She thought to herself,
I’ve gotta find a mate,
I could go find a bar,
Before it gets too late!
I could go abroad,
With a group from work,
Magaluf or Ibiza,
Would be a fancy perk!
She spent so much time,
Deciding where to go,
She ended up a maiden,
And was snapped up by a crow!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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