The Storm and the Swan!

Posted on May 27, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other evening I watched a swan battle her way upstream against the current and in torrential rain. It struck me that although she looked very serene, her life was essentially one of hardship compared to us supposed superior humans. Then I began to wonder if in fact it was the other way round and it was us that should be pitied…

Mrs Swan thought it the norm,
To paddle through a thunderstorm,
Her sole task without complaint,
Protect six cygnets without restraint.

Mr Swan was not however,
Prepared to paddle in any weather,
He would always make a fuss,
Inclement weather made him cuss!

None of the kids dared complain,
For the lack of the latest computer game,
Their only schooling was construed,
To be serene and look for food!

They look at humans and wonder why,
We have a need to sulk or cry:
“Why do they hold themselves aloft?
Look at their lives they must be soft!”

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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Counting Blessings!

Posted on May 15, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went for a long walk with my 18-month-old Granddaughter. ‘Quality Time’ is a phrase much banded about in child welfare circles. My quality time with her didn’t involve a trip to a fast food joint, buying the contents of a toy store or any form of organised play, it was old-fashioned free…

It was a beautiful, early summer, afternoon,
In mid-May, not even yet June,
We went for walk in the wood,
I guess we’re lucky that we could.
We played ‘choose the stick’ many times,
Sang a few out of tune Nursery Rhymes!
Tried to make a long daisy chain,
Waved at aircraft coming back from Spain!
We picked some yellow Buttercups,
Blew Dandelion seeds just for lucks!
I enjoyed my time (I’m regressing?)
Was a walk when I counted every blessing!

Bobbing Heads and Arms!

Posted on May 13, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

On Sunday morning I was down by a local river when a siren sounded and there was a noise like a gigantic washing machine. Thinking tsunami at the very least, I prepared for the worst, only to be discovered looking a fool attempting to don a life jacket, as a whole group of triathlon swimmers swam past…

Some wear purple,
Some wear red,
Sometimes an arm,
But mostly head!
Following a swim,
For 1500 metres,
A 45k bike ride,
For body-pain seekers!
And if that’s not enough,
To be called fun,
You just add,
A 10k run!

I’m a wimp,
I don’t care,
Spectating only,
Saves wet hair!!

Thanks to all those from NiceTri for providing such stimulating entertainment early on Sunday morning. www.nice-tri.co.uk

The Contented Water Snail!

Posted on April 2, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was down by the river the other day when a boat passed. Nothing at all unusual in that you might say, however this was the floating home of its owner. A dog in a life jacket ran along the roof as it gently meandered along at a sedate four miles per hour. I began to wonder who had the right lifestyle, him or me…

Floating down the river,
With time on his hands,
It doesn’t matter when he arrives,
He hasn’t any plans.
His dog runs up and down,
Barking at the geese,
He has no land-side bonds,
Except a distant niece!
This week he’s on the river,
Next week the canals he’ll sail,
He’s happy and contented,
A live-aboard water snail!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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A Rhyming Midday Breakfast!

Posted on March 7, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

In hospital once again with an elderly relative, I had hunger knock at the door! Unfortunately these days there is so much choice in the motorway-style food court in a hospital that the mind boggles. From Burger King and the Baguette Company to Costa Coffee and Starbucks the choice of healthy food is endless…

I had a little Starbucks,
Nothing could compare,
Except a glass of champagne,
They hadn’t any there!

I had a breakfast panini,
In the middle of the day,
Hardly the height of decadence,
But it was ok!

So if you’re feeling hungry,
And you haven’t munching time,
Grab whatever’s closest,
And ‘Hey Presto’ there’s a rhyme!

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26^th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Steak-House Date!

Posted on February 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day, being closer to pensionable rather than school age, Mrs Bard and I had a mid-afternoon lunch at what used to be called a steakhouse. It was flattering being the youngest diners in the place! Some of the men were obviously enjoying a rare cooked meal judging by the angle of attack on their plates. A couple in the corner had left it dangerously late for a first date…

Albert Addcombe (sixty-eight),
Went to a steak-house on a first date.
Betty Briggs who’s sixty-one,
Was hoping for a bit more fun!

Albert carefully parked the car,
And headed straight for the salad bar!
Betty, restrained, chose a smallish plate,
While Albert grabbed enough to suffocate!

His giant main course was eaten at speed,
He ate most of hers such was his greed.
And swilled it down with a gallon of lager,
Betty watched with horror this cement-mixer saga!

Then the waitress asked if he could,
Manage to eat anything for pud!
Looking his date square in the eye,
“I think I could manage a little pie!”

The pie arrived like a wagon wheel,
Covered in cream (squirty not real!)
Albert, being one not to be beaten,
Didn’t stop until it was eaten!

Out in the car park “Enjoy the date?”
His Vesuvian belch sealed his fate.
“Come my dear you can drive me home!”
Alas Albert Addcombe was standing alone!

At the Starting Gate with Chemmy Alcott!

Posted on February 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Politics aside, I really enjoy the Olympics and particularly the Winter Games. If I were to sum up my prowess with a couple of planks on my legs, I’d describe myself as ‘Gas mark 2’, sub-section ‘scared’! However when watching the Olympic racers I become a wizard on skis, bending and twisting with ease at every control gate. However this morning when I turned on the television having only just surfaced, I wasn’t ready to race with GB’s Chemmy Alcott on the Women’s Super-Combined Downhill…

I am in the starting hut,
Still wearing my pyjamas!
The starting bleeps are bleeping,
Most frightening of panoramas!
The camera shows the drop,
I’m not ready to go down there,
No coffee in my system,
I haven’t brushed my hair!
Chemmy’s off, she’s flying,
At times she’s in the air,
The speeds that she is reaching
I’m glad that I’m not there!
Phew! She’s reached the finishing line,
Without any injury.
Some say that women are weaker than men,
Here the weaker sex is me!
With thanks to the BBC for excellent coverage

and humble thanks to
Chemmy Alcott for showing such bravery and dedication over the years.
We are very proud of you.

A Pink Surprise at the Show!

Posted on January 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I knew there was a purpose in going to the recent Lamma Show at Peterborough, only I didn’t realize it at the time. It wasn’t to buy the giant combine harvester (above) or the stealth-styled rubber-tracked Catterpillar (below). Looking through the many photographs I took I came across one that took my breath away and I realized fate had tapped me on the shoulder…
Someone keeps taking my wheelbarrow,
It’s old and covered in rust,
The tyre’s half inflated,
And one of the handle’s bust.
It also has a hole,
In the middle of the floor,
I really can’t understand,
Why I’ve not replaced it before!

I went along to a show,
Not sure what I was looking for,
And all at once I realized,
Was amazed at what I saw!
A perfect pink wheelbarrow,
The plastic will not bust,
Nobody will walk off with it,
Neither will it rust!

So I’m about to place my order,
I shall do it all online,
I can’t wait for delivery,
It’ll be pink and always mine!
The Big Pink Wheelbarrow (and much, much more!) can be found at:
http://www.sandersonenvironmental.com

Many congratulations to the organisers for a truly fantastic show. A special motion for the car park attendants who did their job in very difficult conditions with a smile. Here’s looking forward to Lamma ’15!

That Monday Morning Feeling (on a Thursday!)

Posted on January 2, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning, in a positive frame of mind, I turned on the news. Commuters going back to work and complaining about fare rises formed such a large part of the content that I pressed the red button within seconds. Then I realised that it was a sign. Christmas is back in the box, it’s back to reality and the rubbish needs to go out…

It feels like Monday morning,
All Christmas magic stripped away,
We’re back to work,
Not even a smirk,
Months ’till the next holiday!

The Christmas tree to the garden,
The wrapping paper to the loft,
Empty bottles in,
The recycling bin,
From food waste a turkey waft!

So here’s to 2014,
Resolutions wearing thin!
What the year will be,
We wait and see,
Now last year’s in the bin!

The Christmas Roll

Posted on December 27, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

We have had a houseful of friends here at Bard Towers over the Christmas period. Providing supplies for the friendly invasion has been a joint effort from all. However when it came down to ‘those seasonal extras’ there were some surprises…

A friend brought some Christmas loo-roll,
An extravagance unsurpassed,
With a household of good eaters,
We’ve got though it quite fast!
On the day after Christmas,
There was even a queue,
Some weren’t as desperate,
And said politely “after you!”
And now the holiday’s winding down,
And we are quite bereft,
Because in the smallest room,
There’s only one roll left!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Lifestyle