Category Archives: Lifestyle

Fancy a New Motor?

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There is no topic of discussion that is guaranteed to show up differences amongst men more than, “If money was no object, what car would you buy?” The other day, I was a spectator at such a discussion, it was most illuminating (even though my input was dismissed as being rather tame and liberal…

We were discussing motors,
the way men sometimes do,
someone wanted a Jaguar,
painted Darkest Blue!
Someone wanted a four by four,
go mud-plugging across the land,
(Eat humble pie to a farmer:
‘I’m stuck can you lend a hand?’)
Another saw himself in a Lamborghini,
blonde girlfriend by his side,
his wife said if that happened,
“You’d not afford a taxi ride!”
I fancied a Tesla electric car,
a silent and comfortable ride,
different to my Mitzi,
(sounds like a tractor outside!)
Friend Mick wants a muscle-car
Wants to use words like: “Gawd Dang!”
to ride around the county lanes
In a brand new Ford Mustang!

Well? What would be your choice? Have a great day and drive with care.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until 14thOctober
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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My Heap of Stress Relief!

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What do you do when stressed? I tend to find a job I hate that requires some (but not too much) physical effort. For me, one of those jobs is sweeping out an oat bin in order to transfer the grain to the barn for loading. It is the perfect stress relief…

I have a large heap of oats
piling up in the shed,
“That’ll keep folk in porridge!”
somebody said!
and when things start
to stress me right out,
I go sweep a bin
(behind my dust mask I shout!).
Dust swirls in the bin,
I’m covered in chaff,
but when I get out,
once more I can laugh!

Wishing you a stress-free Friday, or if not you’re welcome to come sweep with me!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Back Seat Demands!

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The other day we pulled up beside a camper van (or RV) in a car park. The driver and his wife looked harassed as their young charge sat in the back barking orders at them. I felt quite sorry for them as it was rather early to have shouted demands by one so small…

A little Scotsman sat,
in the back of a camper van,
looking out of the window,
just because he can!

“I’m on holiday with my humans,
I take them wherever I go,
I have them just where I want them,
I just bark and off we go!
Last night at the campsite,
(an expensive one that takes dogs!)
I got them up at three o’clock,
so I could sniff and pee on logs!
So take good care of your human,
treat them with great care,
until they no longer notice,
everything’s covered with your hair!”

Please take time to listen to your dog today, you know what happened the last time you failed to respond to demands!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Farm Welding Prowess!

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There are many types of welding: Mig, Tig, Gas, Arc and mine! I was taught in evening class over forty years ago and my instructor would be turning grey if he could view my prowess now! To be good at welding you need three things: practice, practice and practice. Despite practising for all those years, metal I weld is held together mostly by luck…

I needed to weld the cultivator,
I’d broken it back in the spring,
I’d found some suitable metal,
now I needed to mend the damn thing!
I clamped the metal together,
having ground the edge to a shine,
If the repair looked unattractive,
I’d deny that it was mine!
I attached the stick to the holder,
put some thick gloves on my hands,
attached the negative electrode,
and proceeded with my welding plans!
Through the mask it was hard to see,
the spark made me jump with surprise,
at the end I expected a straight weld,
I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I’d missed the repair entirely,
and blown a hole in the steel,
my overalls were singed and smouldering,
the mess I was in was surreal.

…I’ll have to wait until someone who knows what they are doing can come to my aid! I was obviously never meant to be let loose with a welder!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Farm Visitors

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Yesterday was a fun day. Thirty young people came up from North London to see how we farm and what we grow. However learning was not the only item on the menu. The real task was for them to have fun in the woods, and discover for themselves in the old pre-digital way. They didn’t disappoint and as we waved them away from the farm I hope they had as much fun as I did…

Thirty young agronomists,
walking through my fields,
Why do you farm this way?
Is it to improve your yields?
They ask so many questions,
they just want to know,
when, how and why,
and what crops do you grow?

Then later in the woods,
they cross a dried up pond,
pick up sticks and stones,
and discover what’s beyond.
They avoid the stinging nettles,
through the long grass run,
then collapse to have lunch,
a school trip made of fun.

All should host school visits,
whether countryside or town,
help them understand,
how the world keeps turning round!
They are our future,
and from what I can see,
the future is a bright one,
if not fouled up by you and me.

With thanks to all the visitors for giving me such a wonderful day in the countryside!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Rainbow Timing!

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With my limited experience with a camera I have always found it difficult to capture the perfect rainbow. I end up either too early or just too late having missed the perfect photo. My effort yesterday evening after a heavy storm was just about ok! Rather like life, it’s all down to timing…

If you’re in the right place,
at the right time,
perfect picture,
perfect rhyme!

Wrong place,
at the wrong time,
the photo’s crap,
useless rhyme!

So may your day,
include the former,
perfect rainbow,
after a soaking stormer!

Have a great day and may you always have rainbows rather than storms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Suitcase!

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I love browsing in remainder stores. I find that more than anything else it serves to remind me how we all have very different tastes (a wonderful thing otherwise we’d all be the same!). In my search for a stand-out item, I recently came across some suitcases that got me thinking…

Steve and Alice had been away,
seven whole nights in Montego Bay.
Flying back at the dead of night,
luggage carousel caused a fright!
So many bags all the same,
they searched for theirs only by name!
Steve then had a great idea,
solving the problem suddenly clear.
For Alice’s birthday he bought a case,
no more searching would they face.
Alice let out a dreadful groan,
now he travels on his own!

Wherever you’re travelling today, stay safe and enjoy yourselves.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Doughnuts with Caramel Sauce!

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We all have a favourite place to go to celebrate a birthday, anniversary or even just a Friday or weekend! Mrs Bard and I have sometimes driven thirty-five miles out of Baldock, almost to Newmarket, to eat out at the Hole In The Wall at Little Wilbraham, on the flimsiest of excuses! Yesterday was our 38th Wedding Anniversary, so it was a no-brainer when I wondered where to take the family for lunch to celebrate this milestone.

Alex Rushmer and his crew,
always take such care of you.
It’s no hardship, none at all,
to enjoy a lunch at the Hole in the Wall.

A Masterchef finalist in Twenty-Ten,
his food’s so good we go back again!
To cap it off we choose (of course!)
his famous Doughnuts with Caramel Sauce!

So thanks to everyone for a great lunch,
you are all such an amazing, welcoming bunch!
Added to that a great list of wine,
can’t wait to come back one more time!

Alex and the Crew are at The Hole in the Wall, Little Wilbraham, CB21 5JY. http://www.holeinthewallcambridge.com
You’d better hurry before they run out of Doughnuts!
© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

Early Morning Sleep Depravation!

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Last Saturday I was surprised to find a large queue of sellers awaiting me at the car boot sale. It was silly-o-clock in the morning, a time most sensible people have never seen at the weekend! A late arrival, some hours later, who still found a space, suggested somewhere they could go…

Before half-past six on Saturday,
they queued for the car boot sale,
some had been there for over an hour,
in case their pitch for a pitch should fail!
Someone suggested that they should,
possibly later this week,
buy a comfortable mattress,
or specialist counselling seek!

Have a great week and savour those extra minutes stole in bed after the alarm has rudely interrupted your sleep!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Farmers in Pyjamas!

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The other day I was looking at a zebra (as one does on a Thursday near Baldock!) and wondering what it would be like to saddle it up and ride it through the town! It was early afternoon and the only drink that had passed my lips that day was soft…

Wouldn’t it be such fun,
to ride a zebra through the town,
passers-by would wonder why,
and look me up and down!

“Look at that horse in pyjamas”
They’d say to one and all,
“riding through town in a dressing gown?
doesn’t he look a fool!”

“Perhaps he is dreaming,
riding the dusty plains,
inspecting crops in worn flip-flops
hoping that it rains!”

“It’s probably a nightmare,
After a night of drink,
farmers in pyjamas?
What must his mother think?”

With apologies to those who are looking for sense on this Wednesday morning! Have a great day, take care and avoid zebras!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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