Not As It Seems!

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pressIt is strange how things look different from the air. The other evening at dusk I sent the drone up over a field where Robin was pressing some ploughing with the John Deere rubber-tracked crawler tractor. My ploughing looked less than impressive…

Robin’s pressing my recent plough,
doesn’t look so good now,
when I was ploughing it looked fine,
now I’m embarrassed to say it’s mine!
In fact I’d say it makes me wince,
looks like he’s pressing a tray of grey mince!

…if you should spot me doing a dance,
I’m hoping for rain to come up from France,
if you have influence please can you say,
I’d please like some rain, but not Saturday!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Talk Like a Pirate Day!

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pirateToday is not only my 1,350th posting, but also “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”. Both could be described as a silly nonsensical things designed to be just fun! All around the world today, ordinary folk will be using those phrases we know and love. Some will be dressing up for the occasion and some will simply be letting loose the odd ‘Aaaaaaaarrrrrh’ to surprised customers, commuters or colleagues. Enjoy…

“Shiver Me Timbers!”
we all say,
today is Talk
Like a Pirate Day!

Whether at work,
or at the bar,
it’s always satisfying,
to let out a big “Aaaaaarh!”

So go on I dare you,
or the plank it’ll be,
talk like a pirate,
see what fun it can be!

*In todays picture I’m modeling a 1966 T shirt from the Pirate Radio Station ‘Big L’ otherwise known as Radio London, which broadcast from the MV Galaxy off the Essex Coast from 1964-1967.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Last Ploughman in the Village

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John's GraveOn Tuesday, in our little village, we laid a Son of the Soil to rest. I was asked to give a eulogy. It is always difficult but when it is the end of an era it is all the more poignant. I have reproduced some of what I said here, not as some sort of self-promotion, but as a testament to John C…

We are here today not only to say ‘goodbye’ to John, but to mark the end of an era.
Many folk in this modern world would find it unimaginable for somebody to spend their whole life in one place, working on the same farm.
That is what John C. did. He arrived in the village aged 18 months when his father got a job on the neighbouring farm to here with my great-uncle who was the tenant. He left only a few weeks ago when he was overtaken by illness aged 91.
John loathed modernity. He never had need of a passport or used a computer and only considered a phone when his mother became ill.
He was a skilled ploughman and was of that first generation to cross from using horse-power to tractor-power.
He was as much a part of the farm as the ashes, oaks and Hornbeam trees in the woods. He took pride in the local history and surroundings, loving those areas on the farm unseen by most but loved by him.

He was a great story-teller.
Two of his favourites include explosions…

Story One
During the early stages of the Second World War a team arrived with traction engines to plough up a field on the farm that had been pasture since time immemorial. One traction engine was on the headland by the Great Wood and the other on the far side of the field. The plough was winched between the two by steel hawser. To get that bit of extra horsepower the men would tie down the safety valves with string. Both crews would meet for their beaver break (local terminology for mid morning snack) in the middle of the field.
One day a crew, during their beaver break, forgot to untie the string on the safety valve and the resultant explosion was heard for miles.
Thankfully nobody was hurt.
Story Two
During the latter days of the Second World War a V2 rocket landed on the farm. Because it was just over the brow of the hill, the resultant explosion only cracked windows on the cottages and farmhouse. However there were smashed windows over four miles away at Letchworth. You can still see the enormous hole in the hill today.

With much of modern farming, men arrive with massive machines with one aim: To reach the far corner of each field as quickly and efficiently as possible. Computers judge that efficiency by mapping everything from progress to yield. Operators may know the names of the fields and hectarage, but little else. The history and origins of those fields are superfluous to their needs. Without local men on the farm, particularly ploughman, whose progress across the fields was slow, we are losing that detailed knowledge of the land that has been handed-down over the generations.

We are saying goodbye to John today, a man who lived and understood the land that he worked, the whole of his working life was a testament to this green and pleasant land.
That is why this is the end of an era, 

John was ‘The Last Ploughman in the Village’.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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Wheat Hotspot Checking!

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HotspotsThe heap of wheat in the barn grows by the day as I transfer more and more from the bins next door where it has been cooling. To a visitor they may look rather like a mountain range, to my granddaughter too! At nearly four-years-old there is fun in everything, especially if it can be climbed and slid down, however she is also checking the grain for hotspots, a most important task…

Three summits of wheat in the big old store,
even pilled to the rafters, there’s room for more!
What’s this I see climbing to the top?
My granddaughter checking hotspots, she won’t stop!
Once she’s checked the temperature and moisture every day,
She slides to the bottom, mixing work with play!

No animals or children were harmed during the monitoring of the heap, both were under strict supervision at all times!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Keeping Up With The Times!

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Boot PokemonOne of the signs of advanced years is the inability to keep up with modern trends and advances in lifetime skills. I am fast approaching the day when even changing the channel on the TV will be a challenge! I have tried my best to acquaint myself with modernity but I feel I’m falling behind. At last weeks Saturday car boot sale I let myself down badly…

I was chatting to a stall-holder,
when her daughter let out a great scream,
“There’s one standing beside you,
it’s the coolest that I have seen!”
No matter how hard I looked,
I was standing all alone,
I even adjusted my glasses,
nothing to see on my phone!
“It’s a Dowzee standing beside you,
I saw a Venonat there just now,
There are Pokemon all over this field,
you are so yesterday and how!”
I smiled at her mother,
a quizical smile at that,
returned to my ignorant lifestyle,
and looked for a virtual cat!

I have it on good authority that there are Pokemon’s at the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale. I cannot guarantee that they’ll still be there this week or if they’ll buy from your stall, I’m only repeating what I’ve been told! Oh, and apparently, a unicorn was seen a couple of weeks ago, not to mention a couple of elves and Father Christmas on holiday… Good Luck in whatever you’re searching for!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Oats For Sale!

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Canyon OatsThe star of this years harvest has definitely been a small field of Canyon Spring Oats. From just 15 acres we harvested around 50 tonnes, just over 3 tonnes per acre, which for us on our clay soil is amazing. Now we just have to find a market for them. If you’ve room in your cereal cupboard let me know! I’ve written a catchy little jingle to help market them…

Oats, Oats,
Glorious Oats!
Nothing quite like them,
for floating your boats!
For breakfast supreme,
especially with cream,
let us be grateful,
for wonderful oats!

If you’re interested in a lorry-load of wonderful oats, please e-mail Baldock Bard!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Creeper Festival!

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Creeper1In certain parts of the world there are celebrations to coincide with harvests of all kinds. Celebratory feasts are cooked, wine is consumed and fairgrounds spin! I’ve always thought there should be a festival for cutting Virginia Creeper. This fast-growing house-coverer was much loved by the Victorians. According to old photos they just let it grow. They obviously didn’t have a JCB with a cage…

Once a year around harvest time,
when the daily weather is fair and fine,
I put Mrs Bard into a cage,
and hoist her up, it’s all the rage!
Once hoisted up the secateured reaper,
trims the house of Virginia Creeper!
She cuts around the swallows nest,
they’ve flown out line abreast!
The job is done leaves a nice clear wall
now’s the time for our Creeper Festival!
Creeper2© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Honey Bees and the Naughty Pig!

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HoneySome friends came to lunch yesterday and bought a wonderful pot of honey from their hives. I’m afraid, like most things, I’m useless with bees, they seem to treat me like a pin-cushion and it hurts! Many years ago we were loading pigs when one escaped the lorry…

We were loading pigs up for export,
(for breeding abroad they were bred),
when one escaped from the ramp,
disappeared round the back of the shed.

It’s gruntings became ever quieter,
It was chased by the driver and Tom,
All over a sudden there was a shout,
“Look Out! The bee hives have gone!”

Back running came the driver,
old Tom was running with ease,
the pig overtaking them both,
All three being chased by the bees!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Return of Ding!

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DingDongIn our ancient local church we have two bells, one dating from the 14th Century, the other is two centuries younger. Some people affectionally call them Ding and Dong. For some months Ding has been absent and the only peal has been a funereal ‘Dong, Dong, Dong…’ Today there is a wedding in the church, urgent remedial works had to be undertaken…

Wearing my trusty boiler-suit,
not normal seen in church,
I positioned my tallest ladder,
breakage in bell-rope to search!
I carefully climbed each rung,
a bucket in one hand,
with every conceivable tool,
for a tower-repair unplanned.
Through the trapdoor I squeezed,
standing on ancient floor,
on the walls was scratched,
the names that had entered before!
I started up my i-Pad,
Googled ‘joining of a rope’
ended up with a giant knot,
skill-wise I’m beyond all hope!

…but at least it will mean that Ding and Dong will ring out today at the wedding!
With best wishes and many years of happiness to the bride and groom.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk


The Baldock Boot Sale 
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The i-Share Moment!

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VanHave you ever come across a situation that merits your immediate attention? Was your first thought to whip out your mobile phone and stand in the middle of the road to record the scene without thought for your safety or that of passers-by? In the past I’ve been very rude about amateur i-Film news cameramen. I’m now officially a hypocrite…

Outside an ATM,
a security van was wailing,
“Help! Help!
Security Vehicle under attack,
Please call the police!”
in a computer-generated voice.
But you know how vans can be,
when they are hot and thirsty!
I could see nothing wrong,
the sticker on the back said:
‘Police Follow This Van’
So there was no point in calling them,
as they were already there!
I did what anyone would do these days:
took out my i-Phone,
and made an ‘i-saw-it-and-Filmed it!’
It was only afterwards that I thought,
‘What if it was for real?’
And somebody was in the back of the van
Stuffing money into bags marked ‘Swag’,
Whilst wearing a small black mask,
And a striped jersey.
But all I did was continue,
shopping while congratulating myself,
on some amusing footage,
all the while forgetting the time,
when I condemned those who can’t resist,
whipping out their phone to record the moment.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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