The Art of Conversation!

Posted on June 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Running a car boot sale in this country comes with problems that don’t affect markets in some other nations. We are at the mercy of the Great British Summer. Since the earliest of times, the weather has come to the aid of this Island Race when conversation has lagged. This has avoided those long silences that some unfortunate nations endure…

Here we are it’s Saturday,
Car Boot time again,
the forecast is uncertain,
looks like we’ll have rain!

Last week a sunny morning,
‘till after half-past-four,
then the heaven’s opened,
Down the rain did pour!

We all know politicians,
can’t agree together,
so let us just be thankful,
they can’t control the weather!

…it helps to fill a blog as well! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Three-Wheeled Coffee Machine

Posted on June 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

While waiting to pick someone up at Baldock station yesterday morning I was amazed to see almost every traveller stop to buy a coffee from a small three-wheeled coffee stall. Thinking about it later, I realised that small entrepreneurial outlets like this should be applauded. It exemplifies someone seeing a gap in the market and working hard to fill it…

Reading a classic Neville Shute,
as part of the daily commute,
a coffee sublime,
will suit you just fine,
followed by a portion of fruit!

The Farmer’s Classroom!

Posted on June 17, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday a group of farmers came to the farm to have a farm walk and discuss complicated new regulations and possibilities concerning on-farm environment. Even though most attendees broadly agreeded with everything that was said about protecting the environment, I wondered if the same rules and regulations would be accepted by our European ‘partners’…

Farmers sit silently in a draughty shed,
Listening to yet more rules with dread,
In a government office a man named ‘Fred’,
Doesn’t think it important to have food or bread.

He’s never seen a farm except in Emmerdale,
Never been outside in snow, rain or hail,
He thinks only footballers are called ‘bale’,
“We’d just import food if farming were to fail”

They wouldn’t put up with this in Paris or Rome,
Driving tractors, around the streets they’d roam,
The police would then cover them all in foam,
They all know: “Fair Trade begins at home!”

With many thanks to those who spend their lives attempting to explaining the latest European/British dictats without much thanks or praise.

The Goth Moth!

Posted on June 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Continuing my clear up in time for next weeks guests on the farm (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=7054)I decided to strim the area around the barn where we are meeting. The meeting with the farmers is to discuss conservation and give them an opportunity to see our achievements here. However the strimmer refused to start…

The bloody strimmer refused to start,
I felt like a horse without a cart,
what will those farmers think of me?
thistles and nettles the first thing they’ll see!

Then I spied a little moth,
it’s back and red colouring decidedly ‘Goth’,
and all at once I realised,
this beautiful moth was my prize!

The little moth’s more valuable than I thought,
because it’s larvae eats poisonous ragwort.
So thanks to this little moth, black and red,
I’ve returned the strimmer to the shed!

For more info on this wonderful little ragwort-eater, Goggle ‘Cinnibar Moth’

Parking with Mrs Smith!

Posted on June 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Very often on the Internet you see pictures of atrocious parking. I thought these were confined to ‘abroad’ and to the USA in particular. Until yesterday, when I drove into my own home town to be confronted by a home-grown version of extreme parking. So shocked was I that I just had to comment…

Mrs Smith has trouble parking,
some suggest that she is barking!
She approaches the space so fast you see,
one might think she drives a large lo-rr-y!

With squealing tyres she slides right in,
been known to use a litter bin,
to halt her progress as she goes,
and save pedestrians delicate toes!

Other drivers avoid her face,
when she is looking for a parking space,
most just turn and drive away,
don’t want to lose no-claims today!

She’s been rumbled by the council,
“Do you think you’re Nigel Mansell?”
one day soon there’ll be a fuss,
“Might it be time to take the bus?”

With apologies to any ‘Mrs Smith’ who may drive a red car, I use the name in a generic way and not about you or your gender.

Precious Learns!

Posted on May 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On April 30^th I told you about the arrival of our five goslings: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6898. Unfortunately we only have one left, the others having either been left behind as the geese travel vast distances around the farm or were killed by the fox. As a result the proud Mummy and Daddy (or Mummy and Mummy, or Daddy and Daddy!) are less than friendly towards me and guard ‘Precious’ very closely…

“Get away! Get away!
Don’t you come near.
We’ll make you sorry,
with a bite on your ear!”

“We’ll then chase you,
around the farm,
pen you in a corner,
and break your arm!”

“What’s that you’re carrying?
Could it be food?
To bite the hand that feeds us,
would be very rude!”

“Go on Precious,
say ‘Hello’
He’s come to feed us,
and then he’ll go!”

“Thank you Mr Farmer,
For the handful of wheat,
Do come again tomorrow,
with tasty food to eat!”

Acquired at Auction!

Posted on May 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I called in on a local auction where they were disposing of all the fixtures, furnishings and stock of a local saddlery company following the death of its owners. It was sad to see the end of an era, however good to see such interest. Despite having an itchy nose, following a trip to the dentist, I came away without a purchase, however it could have been so different…

I went to a countryside auction,
I sat in the very last row.
The auctioneer spoke very quickly:
“Everything here has to go!”

I had this itch on my nose,
I’d been to the dentist you see,
Whenever I scratched the itch on my nose,
He put the lot down to me!

I bought a small wooden donkey,
A figurine perched on a base,
A couple of ladies sidesaddles,
Some hairnets and a large box of lace!

So if you go to an auction,
(You’ve seen Bargain Hunt on the TV!)
Sit on your hands looking down,
or you’ll end up with lots just like me!

Bayles Auctioneers hold regular auctions and are kind to new buyers and sellers!
They can be contacted at colinbayles@hotmail.com

Beautiful Bluebells!

Posted on May 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Walking around the farm with a measuring wheel gives an opportunity to see what is normally rushed by. At this time of year we are generally busy fertilizer spreading or working our way through paperwork and it is all too easy to miss the splendor of the woodland Bluebells apart from a blur of purple from the tractor seat. This year I was determined to take a closer look at the flower that is leading a poll as the nations favourite…

The Bluebell is the sweetest, of all the woodland flowers,
But picked and transported, it only lasts for hours.
It’s the woodlands Wilton carpet, a veritable purple haze,
Normally seen from a tractor seat on fertilizer days!
On its own, tiny bells, so delicate and petite,
A host of them is needed to make the scene complete.
So forget your wanderings ‘all lonely as a cloud,’
And shout out for Bluebells that make the Nation proud!

Wheely Good Exercise!

Posted on May 13, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This is a very fraught time on the farm. In order to satisfy EU and UK red tape we are in paperwork mode and deadlines loom. This means checking and rechecking that the areas of the farm are correct. So the measuring wheel comes to the fore and exercise is taken. Forget the gym membership, go measure a field…

I went for a walk with a Mr Wheel,
Not used to walking, you’ll know how I feel!
He trundled along at quite a pace,
I said “slow down, it’s not a race!”

But he kept on, his numbers counting,
I struggled to keep up, calories-used mounting!
After three field headlands, I was no longer brave,
Passing cars tooted, passengers waved!

With all this walking, I suddenly found,
My loosened trousers fell to the ground!
So please Mr Regulator, may I appeal?
If my figures are wrong, please blame the wheel!

So if you see a farmer ‘enjoying’ a brisk walk,
Please don’t interrupt him and try to talk,
Because he’ll be breathless, unable to speak,
I suggest you wave and try again next week!

Nature’s Confetti

Posted on May 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m very fond of this time of year. Not only as a farmer, when the crops are at last looking like they might bring forth a yield after showing bare patches over winter, but also for the rejuvenation all around. The last of the blossom is just glorious…

The pinkest of blossom,
a vibrant sign,
that Spring is here,
one more time.

The oak leaves are out,
before the ash,
so instead of a soak,
we’re in for a splash?

But most of all,
warmer days,
with shorter nights,
spirits are raised!

Unfortunately,
the blossom won’t last,
it’ll look like,
a bride has been past!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Local Interest