Category Archives: Local Interest

Wedding Shoes!

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Wedding ShoesThere are great pleasures from shopping at a discount store. Not only are you adding to Tesco’s woeful sales results, but you can never know what bargains you are likely to come across, most of which you never knew you wanted! My two and a half-year-old grand-daughter is hooked and even chants “Lidl-Lidl-Lidl” from the back seat during the journey…

According to my grand-daughter these are ‘wedding shoes,’
(Nice and soft, won’t damage the pews!)
Where some may wonder at the riddle,
Few would guess they came from Lidl!
Those who only buy designer shoes,
Would see straight through this little ruse!
However there’s one group who fool you can,
Don’t notice shoes? Must be a man!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Pavement Tables!

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Pavement TablesHere in North Hertfordshire summer has arrived early. Yesterday’s temperature reached 24 degrees and Baldockonians are making the most of the sunshine to act like continentals, while some ‘tut-tut’ at this frivolous exhibitionism…

Summer’s here, not far from home,
Pavement tables just like Rome!
Friends have gathered, ignore the traffic,
A wonderful scene, so photographic!
Elder residents have been known to say,
“Wouldn’t have happened in our day!
Do they think it’s an esplanade?
What with all that skin displayed!”
No-one’s had to take a plane,
We’re in Baldock, warmer than Spain!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Cambridgeshire Crucifiction!

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Greggs CenturionsYesterday I watched a passion play and it was excellent. The amateur players hardly put a foot wrong and despite taking place in various locations around a Cambridgeshire market town, there seemed to be no hiccups! It was however, slightly strange to see the characters with a variety of modern day backdrops…

At Easter in St Neots they’ve closed the street,
Residents can come to listen and meet,
There are stages set and Roman Guards,
Pharisees, Scribes and also Bards!
The throng all follow the action route,
There’s a crucifixion in a car park to boot!
When they’ve seen all there is to see,
The crowd wanders home in time for tea!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Let’s Go Fly A Kite… (modern version!)

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B Bard DroneYesterday on Facebook a young lady from Bedfordshire posted a photo: ‘Let’s Go Fly a Kite!’ I suddenly realised that my drone is the modern equivalent! So thanks to Beckie here’s my take on a classic (you’ll all know the tune and it’ll stay with you for days!)…

Let’s go fly a drone,
Just behind our lovely home.
Let’s go fly a drone,
And watch it soaring!
Up to the atmosphere,
Those trees look very near!
Let’s go fly a drone,
And watch it falling!

We’ll send it for repair,
It will get no more fresh air,
Want to go fly a drone?
eBay in the morning!
Now that the drone is gone,
To a Londoner called Ron,
I now go and watch them crash,
On YouTube ‘till I’m snoring…

…Let’s all fly a drone etc!

You can find Beckie at Vibacious Events
http://www.vibaciousevents.com/
DCIM101MEDIA© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Wimp Goes Hunter Gathering!

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BiggleswadeI was never much good at History when I was at school. I always believed it to be this week’s best, or at least most plausible, take on past times, tainted by modern ideology. There is a theory that apparently suggests that ancient farmers started off as wimpy, stay-at-home, mummy’s skirt-clutchers, whilst macho big-brothers went off hunter-gathering. This week I’ve been doing some hunter-gathering for a change…

I went to fetch the cultivator,
From its hibernation place,
I noticed some tines were broken,
And the points were a disgrace!
I had a quick ring round,
Alas none to be had,
“I’m afraid they’re on back-order,
The situation’s bad!”

So I ventured from the caveside,
Trusty hound by my side,
Harnessed the Mitsubishi,
A nice day for a ride!
Doug, a kindly Biggleswader,
Behind the counter at ABA,
Sourced everything I needed,
And sent me on my way!

So if you’re afraid of leaving your cave,
And venturing beyond the hill,
Visit Doug at Biggleswade,
For a hunting-gathering thrill!

Many thanks to Doug who went well beyond the call of duty and wore out his computer mouse locating and securing the parts I needed. Everyone needs a Doug on their side when hunter-gathering!
ABA Biggleswade© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Lucky Chimney Sweeps!

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Sweep1Luck comes in all shapes and sizes! This week I’ve discovered that Julie Andrews was right when, as Mary Poppins, she sang “A Sweep is as lucky as lucky can be!” For some time our Aga cooker has not been working properly. Aga repair man and magician, Duncan, was considering coming to stay on a permanent basis. We came to the conclusion that the fault lay within our chimney. Our usual sweep had retired so we stepped into the unknown, went online and trusted to luck…

Oh heaven’s above what can we do,
We need a chimney sweep to sort out our flue!
We went online, ‘sweeping services’ looking,
Mrs Bard is cross, she can’t do any cooking!
Mr Daniels and Gareth arrived on the scene,
They looked the real deal their faces weren’t too clean!
Out with the rods, the power vacuum too,
And as quick as a flash the first chimney like new!
Then to the kitchen, this was a different matter,
Sticks from nests soon descended with a clatter!
They cleaned up all the mess and thus proved to me,
A Sweep is as lucky as lucky can be!

The moral of the tale is twofold: Money spent on a good quality chimneyguard is money never wasted and a Smiling-Sweep is more than worth his weight in gold!
Sweep2*Also available at http://www.chimneysweep.info/

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bertie the Buzzard

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Buzzard1As a farmer I consider myself lucky to be able to observe wild birds and animals at close quarters. Sometimes habits are observed that almost display human qualities. Occasionally I hand out names…

Bertie the Buzzard sits by the road,
On a thin branch that just copes with his load,
He watches the traffic, lorries and cars,
I wonder if his thoughts are similar to ours!
Has he worked out by observing behaviour,
That mans rushing about gives him roadkill to savour!
Or does he just sit there thinking of love?
That may possibly end with a mate from above,
Who circles the sky in sun and in rain,
Saying “There’s that Bertie – watching traffic again!”
Buzzard2© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Around Baldock With A Fridge!

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Baldock FridgeSome years ago, author Tony Hawks wrote the book, ‘Round Ireland with a Fridge’ where he travelled the Emerald Isle with a small fridge in tow! The other day I took an old fridge to the local tip. Alas it was closed on Tuesday and Wednesday, so the domestic appliance stayed in the car for two days. I became rather attached to it…

I’m driving around Baldock with a Refrigerator,
Will drop it off at the local tip later!
“Is that a fridge you’ve got there Mate?”
Is a phrase I’ve come to hate!
It’s been to Tesco, Sainsburys too,
It now wants to visit the zoo!
It’s joined me for a takeaway,
Wants to take tea at the Ritz one day!
Didn’t think much to the local park,
Or being left in the car when it was dark!
It then demanded a friend to play,
So I left it at the tip and drove away!

…the car seemed very empty and I was considering going to retrieve it until I found an old rusty barbecue!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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When I Am Old I will Not Wear Purple!

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CharioteerWhen I am old I will not wear purple – I shall have a mobility scooter instead! Everyone better watch out when this bad-tempered pensioner takes to the streets or more importantly, the supermarket! It won’t be long…

I was minding my own business,
Shopping in a far-off town,
When all of a sudden from nowhere,
A scooter ran me down!
Now I’m not complaining,
That some folk need these things,
But suddenly their size has grown,
Next they will have wings!
I picked myself up from the floor,
My shock didn’t linger,
The next thing that the pensioner did,
He gave me the finger!
I just can’t wait,
Until my turn arrives,
I’ll arm it like a chariot,
Watch folk run for their lives!

It should be noted that the charioteer in the picture is just a serving suggestion and not the guilty party!
With apologies to the famous poet Jenny Joseph for paraphrasing her wonderful poem’s title. ‘When I am an old woman I shall wear purple’ is one of my all-time favourite poems.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Ernest’s Underwear!

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Vest & PantsWhile shopping in M&S recently I watched a very ernest man of a certain age carefully place his purchases on the belt at the checkout. My immediate, rather uncharitable thought, was: ‘I hope mummy reminded him to put his vest on this morning!’ My second guess was correct, he did indeed have a small leather horseshoe-shaped purse…

Ernest shops in M&S,
Mummy told hIm for success:
“Always wear clean underwear
In case taken ill when you’re out there!”

“You will never be embarrassed
Whether London, Rome or indeed Paris!”
So Ernest always tries his best,
To wear clean pants and pristine vest!

Occasionally Ernest gets a date,
They see his vest and it’s too late!
They can’t look at his white tummy,
So quite content he returns to mummy!

With many apologies to Ernest’s everywhere!
English to American English translation: ‘Pants’ in this context mean knickers not trousers! However ‘Ernest’ would never say knickers without breaking into a nervous tittering girlie-giggle! His mother would not approve of such frivolous language!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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