Watering a Round Garden!

Posted on June 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

On Saturday morning at 6am in Baldock, as I put out my direction signs for the car boot sale, I came across a man watering his plants from a mobile tanker. Folk met at that time on a weekend morning seem to always pass the time of day in a pleasant way. I crossed the road and we chatted a while…

Bob has a round garden,
in the middle of the street,
his flowers planted in rows,
so they are always neat.

Early Saturday morning,
he waters them with a hose,
his wife is also a keen gardener,
her name, of course, is ‘Rose!’

Have a great day and may your plants flower with vigour!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Not In Our Branch

Posted on June 13, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In our local Lloyds Bank branch there is a new sign by the cashiers warning that abusive behaviour by customers will not be tolerated. I never thought I’d see such a sign in such a friendly small branch. While visiting yesterday I had an idea…

The ladies who sit behind the counter
have had a very bad encounter,
someone came in the other day,
behaving in an abusive way.

I have an idea for abusive haters,
hidden trap door with alligators!
If they attempt to scream and shout
It’d give them something to complain about!

In a couple of months the bank will close,
what we’ll do then heaven knows.
As the staff disperse to branches new
please remember the majority not the few.

Dedicated to all those at Lloyds Bank, Baldock. Thank you for being so friendly and charming over all the years – we’ll miss you.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Bard-I-Net!

Posted on June 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Down at my Saturday car boot sale people are always very generous. Over the twenty-five years that I’ve been running it, I’ve been given many gifts, however none quite so aptly named as the one from friend Eric last Saturday…

At the boot sale on Saturday,
Eric gave me a gift,
one that was unlikely
to cause any rift!
“I’ve got you a small present,
a plastic bottle of drink,
it’s name is quite apt,
tell me what you think!
Some mornings your verse,
could do with support,
drink when you’re writing,
may help with your thought!”

Thanks Eric! I’ll bear that in mind! Have a great Monday, may you all stay well and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

We’ve Gotta Crop!

Posted on June 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Two months ago, following an April with no rain, our oat crop was heading for disaster. It was thin, yellowing and prospective yields were at rock bottom. This was so plain to see, that during a school visit, an eight-year-old from London asked me how I hoped to grow a crop in rocks (the clay soil had dried out completely). Suddenly rain in the last month has changed the picture dramatically and I am looking forward to harvest…

The Oats are green and thick as well,
the rain has saved a harvest from Hell,
this farmer’s happy, this wasn’t planned,
the rain has made a green and pleasant land!
I only hope the rain will stop,
when we come to harvest the crop!

Have a good day, things sometimes turn out better than expected!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Power Cut!

Posted on June 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning we are going to have a ‘Planned Power Cut’. Unfortunately this will result in the burglar alarm sounding. This will send one of our dogs racing upstairs to rip clothes off hangers and chairs or out of the washing basket. It is planned not to last too long and once the power returns then the performance with the dog will move onto ‘Take-Two’ and clothes will be scattered once more…

We’re about to have a power cut,
where the lights go out the fridge goes ‘pffut!’
They’re sawing branches by the power line,
by late this afternoon all will be fine.
For six and a half hours I mustn’t forget,
my computer’s shut down – no internet!
One good result from all this saga,
we’ll be able to cook on our ancient Aga!
It’s all as easy as falling off a log,
and it’ll exercise our neurotic dog!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

A Roadside Discovery

Posted on May 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are times, in this ‘post-look-anything-up’ world, when the smallest of events or discovery can make your heart sing. We have become so used to digital discovery that we can be startled when we find something in the real world we haven’t seen before. Yesterday our agronomist David reported the discovery of a tiny orchid growing on a roadside verge while he was walking from field to field inspecting our crops.
The Bee Orchid is one of nature’s greatest mimics, its petals look like female bees to a male bee and therefore as he goes to get friendly with his ‘mate’ he pollinates the tiny flower… They say that we humans with our technology are clever.
For once the beauty of this tiny flower has left me speechless. So a picture (worth a thousand words!) will have to replace verse this morning.

Have a wonderful day and remember that sometimes the smallest of discoveries can make your heart sing with joy. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Good in People

Posted on May 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In these strange and uncertain times the kindness and humanity of people is often overlooked. However look at any incident, either national or local, and you will spot ‘Helpers’ Ordinary people who, rather than look away or gawp, do acts of kindness to help. An incident at the car boot sale I organise last Saturday, reaffirmed my faith in human nature…

A man called Dennis went to the boot sale,
as he does every week without fail,
looking around for some paint,
he began to feel quite faint.
All of a sudden he found himself down,
collapsed out cold on the ground.
Up jumped some helpers from their stall,
(didn’t know the collapsee at all),
put him in the recovery position,
“At the boot sale is there a Physician?”

The ambulance drove its way through the crowd,
it’s sirens occasionally quite loud,
took Dennis to Stevenage A&E,
now he’s better and bright as can be.
It just shows that there are good people about,
their deeds not broadcast with a shout,
at a boot sale, in the street, anywhere,
ordinary people who really do care.

With my heartfelt thanks to those who rushed to help. I don’t know your names or where you are from, but if this somehow reaches you, I just want to thank you so much for your acts of kindness. Dennis is much better and will be looking for you on Saturday to thank you in person. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Joy of a Blocked Drain!

Posted on May 17, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning the sky is dark, there is a mist hanging over the wood and it has been raining overnight. A quick look around the yard shows up a blocked drain, there are even puddles on the drive and the geese and ducks are smiling…

I never thought I’d be so pleased,
to find a blocked drain.
Overnight,
we’ve had 11mm of rain!
That’s more than I’ve seen,
In the last 30 days,
(says he shouting:
Hip Hip Hourays!)

I wondered if it would rain,
again this year,
…so out with the waterproofs,
I’ve a drain to clear!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Sidney Snail at the Boot Sale!

Posted on May 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday my four-year old granddaughter helped me clear up the litter after the car boot sale I organise near Baldock. She was well on the way to a Gold Star when she shouted “over here!” Expecting treasure or failing that, some gold Roman coins, I was slightly bemused to see a snail making its way through, what to him must have seemed like, a forest complete with giant daisies…

While clearing up litter after the car boot sale,
Grand-daughter and I came across Sidney Snail.
“Hello! you two,” he shouted at us,
“If you’re after bargains, you’ve missed the bus!”
“Not at all Sidney,” replied granddaughter with a titter,
“everyone’s gone, we’re picking up litter!
all we’ve found so far to be true,
some bags of dog muck, butt ends and you!
However if you’re hungry look over there,
a half-eaten burger overlooked by a hare!”
“Why thank-you young Miss I’ll be moving along,
see you next week, stay safe and stay strong!”

… and with that he put his motorhome into gear and off he toddled!

Top of the Form (fillers)!

Posted on May 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Despite heading for the fire-exit of Europe we still have to fill in forms. At the moment we are fast heading for deadline day for BPS from the RPA (Basic Payment Scheme from the Rural Payments Agency). These are pre-populated forms containing last years cropping information (completed forms with field and crop sizes that may or not be correct and may contain at least one random field from Cornwall or similar). The only way to avoid a stinging penalty is get out the measuring wheel and start from scratch with uncertain field and crop areas…

I pushed my measuring wheel around the farm
It caused humour (and a pain in my arm!)
A man out walking said: “you make me laugh,
don’t you know the size of this ancient footpath?”
I told him “I’ve got to check you see,
field sizes are right for the EEC!
It’s form-filling time and if they’re wrong,
the ensuing penalty could cost me a song.”
He then said, “What on earth are you like?
a typical farmer – only half a bike!”

BPS almost done, just one or two areas to check! If you’re form-filling today, may your head be clear and your glasses clean!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Local Interest

Watering a Round Garden!

Not In Our Branch

Bard-I-Net!

We’ve Gotta Crop!

The Power Cut!

A Roadside Discovery

The Good in People

The Joy of a Blocked Drain!

Sidney Snail at the Boot Sale!

Top of the Form (fillers)!