Closing Down!

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Barretts1On Saturday I went to the closing-down sale of a general store that had been In the town of St Neots for over 125 years. The store was packed with bargain hunters, one wonders where all the people came from, and what was so different about this week. If there was something unusual that was rarely stocked these days, Barretts was the answer.

I wanted a pad
of Basildon Bond,
an old-fashined type
of writing paper I’m fond!

I asked the assistant
if she had,
some analogue paper
that came in a pad!

While I was there
“Can you recommend,
an analogue printer,
we once called a pen?”

She said “very funny,
now let me think!
I think we have everything
apart from analogue ink!”
barretts2
With best wishes for the future to all the staff at Barretts. You made the store and also made it worthwhile returning. You will be missed.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Johnny Hunter

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Johnny HYesterday I went to a ‘farmer’s funeral” (‘We Plough the Fields and Scatter’ as the first hymn!). I can’t say I knew Johnny Hunter well in recent years, but I knew him well enough to appreciate his tremendous courage, humanity and his unforgettable dry sense of humour. Many years ago I knew him better…

Many years ago I was a member of
a small discussion group
made up of farmers.
We’d meet up at a farm
and walk their crops
(grumbling when they looked better than our own!).
Later we’d sit around a cup of tea
and discuss weeds
or fungal diseases
or other exciting crop-specific topics.
I used to like to sit
within earshot of Johnny
because although
most of the time
he wore
a serious face,
it was simply there to heighten
the impact of a
sometimes wicked
joke or observation
that was about to flow
from his lips,
followed by
an unforgettable
smile.

It was my pleasure to have known you. Rest in peace.

Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Eye Test!

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Eye TestYesterday I went to have my eyes tested at my ever-faithful opticians (also known as Allders in Letchworth!). This was a must following my un-planned dip in the River Great Ouse on Saturday evening (see: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8281), when the fish became proud owners of my glasses (phone, car keys, wallet and bank cards). However not only was my stiffness on Sunday morning a sign of my advancing years, but a further reminder arrived on the way back from my appointment…

On the way back home a concern I voiced,
something missing from my glasses invoice,
The insurance said I could claim the rest,
but not the cost of my eye test.
I was looking down at the Allders bill,
something missing stopped me still,
I had to ring “Has a mistake been made,
for my eye test, no bill I’m afraid.”
There was silence on the other end,
methinks they thought I was around the bend!
and in a voice – the answer was risky:
“there is no charge – you’re OVER SIXTY!

With grateful thanks to Allders in Letchworth for their prompt service, theirs is a service you can trust. That’s so important as we only have one set of eyes!
Just remember – step back from the river and act your age!

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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In The River!

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in the riverIf you ever go boating, take precautions just in case you fall in. Last Saturday I failed to take precautions and dropped into 18ft of water. This was not a necessarily pleasant experience, particularly as I had failed to take basic precautions before walking along the gunwale…

One minute I was pushing off a tree,
next, what was floating? Yes! T’was me.
What saved me from being an underwater sub,
was the safety boat from St Neots Rowing Club!

Stupidity doesn’t always happen in your home,
in my pocket: wallet, keys and my i-Phone.
the fish now have their own hotspot,
while texting, emailing and internetting non-stop!

But when I surfaced the world seemed strange to me,
on the riverbed my glasses, for the fish to see!
In years to come archaeologists will have found,
the signs I was lucky that I hadn’t drowned.

With heartfelt thanks for the prompt actions of those at St Neots Rowing Club.
Also thanks to Alison and all at Royston branch of NFU Mutual Insurance for getting my world back on track with the maximum of speed and minimum of fuss.
If you’re going near water today, stay safe and don’t be a prat like yours-truly!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Last Daffodil

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last daffSome years ago I went to visit an old teacher who taught me when I was seven. She was approaching her 105th birthday. She still lived on her own, cooked, cleaned and tended her small rose garden. However she had one complaint about living to such a great age, all her peers and friends had gone…

Pity the last daffodil left standing,
when all the others have died,
May day heat is not a treat,
when you feel lonely inside.

Pity the Centernarian,
who sits all day in a chair,
the wing-back seat no longer a treat,
as life is just not fair.

Make much use of every day,
while you’re still in your prime,
because who knows, the way life goes,
you may regret too much time!

Have a great weekend. May you hear laughter, enjoy good company and feel the warm sun on your back!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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No Morning Coffee!

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CNIn our larder there is always a spare jar of coffee so that I can guarantee my wake-up call. The other morning was a near disaster as the jar was almost empty as was the reserve shelf. Luckily my faithful 4×4 was saddled up outside, ready to ride to the rescue and wisk me off to Baldock…

Morning comes downstairs I glide,
open the door let the dogs outside.
In the kitchen coffee to serve,
the jar is empty none in reserve!
How will I cope, will I survive?
In blind panic to the shop I drive,
I’ve never been shopping so early before,
the aisles are empty in the store.
I get to the shelf ignore the grounds,
five jars of instant for twenty pounds!
I drove home, no not that fast,
ready to face the day at last!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Broken Alarm!

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EarlyIt’s early Saturday morning and I’m up and ready to drive down to the car boot sale that I run every week. The only problem is that due to a new ‘Wake-Up-Early-Solution’, everybody else is awake too. This morning at the bootsale I shall hope to find a new alarm clock…

I’ve broken my alarm clock,
alas it’ll no longer ring,
I replaced the battery,
then threw out the bloody thing!
So now it’s gone for recycling,
along with a bottle of wine,
it may come back eventually,
something useful next time!
So this morning I relied,
on my iPad to do the biz,
so just after half-past-four,
it started to ring and burp and fizz!
I was awake and wondered,
what that noise could be,
by the time I had shut it up,
everyone was awake you see!

Have a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I hope you enjoy your Bank Holiday Monday, let’s hope for no traditional rain!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Canvas Canoe Called Lucinda!

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LucindaYesterday I went to the funeral of my Godmother, Lucinda. During the eulogy to this larger-than-life character, her eldest son recounted their family holidays (two parents and five children in an early camper-van). At that moment I remembered one of our family holidays, in the early seventies, when we borrowed their family’s canvas two-man canoe called ‘Lucinda’, leading the police to tell my family that I was probably dead…

Every day my father drove us a little further from the campsite to paddle back on the Dordogne river in France. This was fine until one day he chose to look at a map of France rather than one of the locality. My brother and I were dropped off, in glorious weather, dressed just in swimming trunks with a towel each, to paddle back to the site. By tea-time, when we should have seen familiar landmarks for some time, we were still paddling along merrily! By around midnight, my brother decided to abandon ship to seek help. By daybreak, after a lonely night of thunder, lightning, high cliffs and fast-flowing rapids where I could feel the scrape of rocks through the canvas, I reached a town I remembered – Sarlat. I arrived back at the campsite in time for a very late breakfast. My brother had returned early in the morning, the police had been called and declared with a Gallic shrug of the shoulders; “Il est mort!” (he is dead!) My mother, ever the pragmatist, shrugged her shoulders and said (of me, her revolting and unruly teenage son) “if he’s dead, he’s dead!” Needless to say I have avoided canoes ever since.

In memory of my Godmother Lucinda, to whom I owe so much: ‘If there’s another world she lives in bliss, if not she made the most of this’ (R Burns)
I wish you all a safe and enjoyable weekend and avoid those rapids!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Stuck in the Mud!

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Wet NestsThere are times in life when you sink in the mud and need someone else to pull you out. A couple of days ago some people got hold of this humble little website, attacked it, robbed it and left it lying on the side of the road. Ok, in my usual way I’m guilding the lily. I was the victim of a particularly nasty cyber attack. I just hope I haven’t made any enemies out there when ‘I’ (or someone pretending to be me), sent spam e-mails splashing into cyberspace…

The wheels are spinning,
there’s mud everywhere,
I feel I’m sinking,
I start to despair.
Two days later,
I think in disgrace,
I realise the damage is,
in cyberspace!
So if you’ve had an e-mail,
and angry you be,
I’m sorry and humble,
please forgive me!

With best wishes for a fantastic Easter. I know it’s too much to expect peace in the world, but I wish you peace in your world instead.
You may have missed my last posting: When Beans Run Short, you can find it here, http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8092
Best wishes
Baldock Bard

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
 

 

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Tea and Angel Cake!

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T & AngelWhen driving a tractor for a few hours your mind starts to wander. I was working next to a field called the Burial Ground yesterday and this led to a very interesting in-depth discussion with myself concerning a possible problem with the afterlife. This was possibly also prompted by the contents of my packed lunch…

An elderly man who was called Bertie,
Fell asleep around 7.30,
The care assistant, “Call me Fred”
Didn’t notice he was dead.
Nobody noticed until bread was buttered,
That not a word had he uttered,
And so alerted Mrs Mold,
Who confirmed he was stone cold!

Bertie arrived at heaven’s gate,
St Peter said, “You are late,
I was about to lock up with my key,
Will you join me for a cup of tea?”
They arrived at an enormous table,
Held up by a chain and cable.
St Peter whispered “Make no mistake,
The best thing here is Angel Cake!”

Bertie laughed and ate his fill,
It was quite strange, not a single pill.
Then he spluttered “Upon my life,
That Angel looks like my first wife!”
“Hello Bertie,” the Angel said,
“I told you that I’d see you dead!”
As for words he was at a loss,
He’d just seen his former boss!

Have a great day and beware of daydreaming and Angel Cake!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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