Category Archives: Newsverse & Worse

The Orbiting Tesla

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I have a sneaking regard for Elon Musk. Not only does he produce one of the worlds most-wanted and ground-breaking range of cars and space rockets, but he has the genius of putting the two together and creating one of the greatest-ever publicity stunts…

I took my Tesla to the stores,
in the car park feeling aloof,
the throttle stuck,
I shouted “F***!”
as I flew right off the roof!

I found myself up in orbit,
floating gently, in space (all alone),
“this is Major Tom!”
‘That Song’ on and on,
as I passed by I waved to home.

The conspiracy theorists on earth,
say I’m really not here,
I’m in my car,
rather be in a bar,
with down-to-earth friends and a beer!

*picture thanks to SpaceX and media outlets worldwide.
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard

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Stormy Days!

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Since someone started naming not only hurricanes and tropical storms, but windy days here in the UK as well, we seem to been having more winter storms. This is music to the ears of all Climate Change enthusiasts and the Leave/Stay bores (it must somehow be the fault of Brussels). So todays storm is Eleanor and tomorrow’s starts with an ‘F’, any wind-themed ideas?…

“It’s another windy storm!”
The hysterical media shouts,
(it’s not climate change,
but left-over Brussels Sprouts).

Hang onto your hat and umbrella! Stay safe and smile out there, it’s not the end… yet!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

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The Wonder of Drones!

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Hardly a day goes by at the moment when the ‘Wonder of Drones’ isn’t trumpeted by the media. Whether it is delivering relief supplies after a disaster, crop spraying difficult to reach areas of fields or even acting as a personal transport system, the drone is heralded as the answer of the future. As a result I have given my UAV a talking to as it didn’t seem to be pulling its weight…

I sat my drone down for a chat,
“Now listen here I said,”
it’s time that you pulled your weight,
and earned your daily bread!”

So I gave it just a small list to do,
“Go overfly that crop,”
and a few things that I wanted,
from the local convenience shop!

“Then there’s this parcel,
I need to post today,
call in on Aunty Mabel,
and check that she’s OK!”

Later I couldn’t find my drone,
wasn’t hidden in the trees,
but sulking at the take-off point,
I’d forgotten to say please!

Needless to say my trusty drone obeys my every command and is my right-hand-mavic on the farm!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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The Table Turns!

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Euro Medals RioNow the Games are over in Rio it is back to ‘business as normal’. At some stage the post-Brexit talks will begin and our negotiators will have to be in gold-medal form to beat those who would see us marginalised. Perhaps they should put the above aide-memoire into their pockets just to spur them on at vital moments…

When in a negotiating stance,
With Euro nations (including France!)
The Brexiteers must show much care.
As they sit across the table,
Aloof they should be able,
To look across the divide and be aware,
that despite what others say,
If we have our way,
Show we are a nation that is nearly always fair,
But if they come over ‘continental’
and drive us all quite mental,
We should get out this little chart and compare,
How it was down in Rio,
with water sports we show no fear-o!
And thank heavens the dividing Channel is still there!

With congratulations to all our athletes who made us proud and left the door ajar to prove that we might, just might, be a stronger nation now.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Saturday Rose!

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RoseOccasionally, when I have no obvious subject for my daily blog, I choose a picture from my files at random and write. This morning’s picture is simple, however I think we all deserve something simple right now. Hardly a day has gone by recently without the horrific story of an attack dominating the headlines. We deserve a simple rose, have a great weekend, stay safe and enjoy…

A simple rose proud in the garden,
against the wall so white,
It has no need for media,
it’s world is simple and bright.
So this morning as we start up the weekend,
let’s forget the dark in the world,
share love with those around us,
and show them our petals unfurled!

August is just around the corner, stay safe, look after others and enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Home and Away!

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FootballLast night a Welsh football team beat the second-ranking team in the world to reach the semi-finals of Euro 16. Did I really just write those words? I’d better just check the Internet to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I’m sure it wasn’t Wales on the billboard I saw the other evening…

Lidl, bless them, are on their own,
the team they supported have gone home,
they came across some Icelandic men,
surrendered the ball and went home again!

But Lo! What’s this? Coming from the West?
Little old Wales in their red vest!
In their way their opponents fall,
strange, it seems the wrong shaped ball?

Now they’re in the semi finals,
there’ll be sore heads in Cardiff urinals!
Back in England football’s millionaires,
watch Wales progress with envious stares!

What is missing on an England shirt,
is pride, resolve and hard work,
Great self-belief seldom fails,
so-poor England, Fantastic Wales!

Have a great weekend, wherever you are, but especially if you are from what they call ‘God’s country beyond England’. Enjoy your moment, you’ve so deserved it!
Beth yw football yn Saesneg?

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
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Twitter: @baldockbard

E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD

is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!

Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

www.u-boot.co.uk

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Drone Hits Plane

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Gravity - the drones enemy!

Gravity – the drones enemy!

Yesterday the media reported that a drone hit a plane. This was the headline those of us who fly UAV’s (drones) responsibly had been dreading. It could have been worse, there could have been loss of life. I have invested a lot of money and time getting proper training, licence and insurance and I am not going to sit back and see my fledgling business wrecked…

All the headlines scream:
Drone Hits a Plane!
It’s just what the media wanted,
here we go again!
Ban them, catch them, jail them,
throw away the key,
It’s obvious they’re a danger,
to all humanity!

My drone was bought from a dealer,
it won’t fly near a plane,
it can’t hover near an airport,
hit an inbound flight from Spain.

It can’t reach an altitude,
of more than 400 feet,
It just hovers up there,
which really is quite neat.

An inbuilt ‘Nanny Factor’,
somewhere deep inside,
buy it in the UK,
Headlines over-ride!

Instead will be reported,
‘Drone finds missing man’
‘Helps out at Accident’
‘Illustrates a Council Plan’

…But of course good headlines aren’t news!
Fly well, Fly safe. And remember the drone-flyers enemy is gravity, these things come down easier than they go up (see my picture, the result of overflying a harmless crop!)

My personal thanks go to:
Heliguy for supplying,
RUSTA for training,
CAA for licensing
and
Coverdrone for insurance.
Without them I’d not be flying.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

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Farewell to Three!

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threeAccording to my media advisor, Tone, television channel BBC Three is no longer available via digital TV. Being a mere yokel, son of the soil and general rustic, I was much confused.  Enquiring further, I was told by Tone that if I wanted to watch it, I would have to use the Internet. Poor old BBC3, banished from the stable and out in the cold…

Farewell then,
to BBC 3,
you had other lovers,
but never me!

When last night,
I looked around,
discovered then,
you’d gone to ground.

You had a niche,
so they said,
now you’re consigned,
to the Web.

Wherever you are,
you’ll find a gap,
but I’ll never know,
if you were good or crap!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Famous Gloves!

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GlovesIn the last six weeks the musical world has seen many performers leave the world stage for good. So many famous musicians have died recently one is left wondering if it is just coincidental timing of aged stars or is there a new ‘Superband’ forming ‘upstairs’? Just imagine the line-up! Back here on earth I am beset with small daily problems…

There’s a little pair of sparkly gloves,
I found on the floor,
I think they fell out of grand-daughter’s coat,
as she reached the door.
It’s a good job I found two,
and not just one alone,
Or I’d have wondered if Michael Jackson,
was haunting us at home!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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A Case of Minor Flooding!

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floodingWe have a small flood on our land. A drainage pipe has broken and the rain water can’t get away to the ditch. Looking at it the other day, I couldn’t help but think of those from the North and Scotland who have acres under water. The media may have gone to stories new but the problems remain. You don’t have to look far to find someone who is worse off…

There’s a flood on the farm,
water on the ground,
but it’s not an emergency,
the cause is soonest found!
A drainage pipe is broken,
will be repaired when dry,
when the water has all soaked away,
underneath a warm blue sky!
But further to the North,
much land is now a lake,
the media now have now gone,
unseen chaos in their wake.

Please don’t forget both householders, businesses and farmers who have suffered so much over the Christmas period, we should count our blessings every day.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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