The Empty Chairs in Paris

Posted on November 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

When someone dies, one of the first noticeable things is the suddenly empty chair. Much has been written and spoken about this weekend’s terrible terrorist attack in Paris. What has been less commented on is the personal tragedy suffered by, not just the victims, but those they loved and who loved them…

There are many empty chairs in Paris today,
Il y a beaucoup de chaises vide en Paris aujourd’hui.
At breakfast,
a la petite déjeuner,
On the Underground,
dans le Metro,
In the office,
dans le bureau.
At lunch,
au déjeuner,
On the bus,
sur le bus,
In the bar,
dans le bar.
In the home,
dans la maison.

But most of all,
mais surtout,
in the heart,
dans le Coeur.

Vivre La France, avec amour.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Hiding in the Rushes!

Posted on April 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How did we reach this state where we have some of the weakest, most pathetic and untrustworthy politicians on the planet? Leadership – something sadly lacking as they descend towards the gutter at warp-factor nine. The truth lies hiding somewhere in the rushes…

I’m so fed up with politics,
Shouting, smears, dirty tricks.
They won’t look us in the eyes,
In case we see their woeful lies.
No party is above a TV stunt,
From venue to venue supporters shunt.
If only they were Pinocchio,
In real time watch noses grow!
Common sense suspended until May 8,
Until then they’ll each other hate!
And after then, they’ll be so wise:
“That was policy, there were no lies!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Eclipse Special Edition!

Posted on March 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How many of you remember the 11^th of August 1999? Do you recall standing about outside looking in vain towards the heavens for an eclipse that was totally obscured by cloud? Way back then I wrote two eclipse-style verses. I thought today might be a good excuse to reprint them and add a third and fourth…

6/8/99 Heralding the event of the year – the total eclipse of the sun.
I bought two thousand hand torches
At an auction near Morden in May
They’ve littered my house since I bought them
My wife said “Take them away”
On my stall at the boot sale near Baldock
ECLIPSE TORCHES – BUY ONE TODAY!
Sold them all to the fact I was shouting
“Don’t get caught in the dark on Wednesday!”

Wednesday August 11th 1999 The eclipse happened but was generally spoilt by cloud and rain.
I went down West to watch the eclipse
A once-in-a-lifetime not to be missed
I spent all Tuesday in a traffic jam
Would’ve arrived far sooner in a vintage tram!
I set up camp in a farmer’s field
More money than corn, tents can yield!
I bought special specs to protect my eyes
The money I spent was the real surprise
I waited and watched to no avail
It was cloudy and damp like last week’s boot sale!
I ended up cold broke and smelly
I’d have seen far more at home on telly!

Friday 20th March 2015
Plus ça change, so some say,
Another eclipse is here today,
They forecast cloud maybe rain,
We’ll not see very much again.
Perhaps we should have gone elsewhere,
To see if viewing’s better there,
But the finest view we’ll get today,
Is via the internet, the modern way!
There’s bound to be a clever-clog,
A picture on his ‘me me’ blog!
Don’t be jealous, don’t turn green,
He’s stolen the picture from another screen!

Wednesday, August 12th 2026,
(to be continued….maybe!)

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Je Suis Charlie

Posted on January 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It takes an event such as today’s murderous attack on a satirical magazine in Paris to remind us how precious and rarefied our freedoms are. Anyone who writes for a blog, a newspaper or magazine or the media should today realise how lucky we are to live in a society that espouses freedom of speech.

“I may not agree with what you say but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” Voltaire

#Jesuischarlie

Baldock Bard

Attention in the Ranks!

Posted on January 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

According to recent stories in the press, a guide has been written to inform servicemen how to address officers. Instances have been found where lower ranks have called officers ‘Mate’ or ‘Boss’. Having never been in the military (apart from a brief stint as a bugle-playing cadet), I would have thought this was as obvious as recognizing the difference between certain farm animals. However it would seem that it’s not as easy as it appears…

There is one thing senior officers hate,
That’s a low-ranker calling them ‘Mate’.
They also seem at a total loss,
When anyone calls an officer ‘Boss!’
The published reminder (no doubt astute),
Tells all squaddies who to salute!
(Could be awkward during sabotage,
With everyone dressed in camouflage!)

Cadet Private Baldock Bard is in the second row from the back in the above photo, holding his bugle at the wrong angle, beret askew and awaiting court-martial!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Texting While Driving

Posted on December 16, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Texting while driving costs lives. Yesterday I followed an erratically-driven car during the morning rush hour near Watford (see pic). When the traffic stopped I could see the driver was trying to text and drive. The car then joined the M1 South towards London…

I’m in the car,
Joining the M1,
Traffic’s heavy,
Commuting run!

In the office,
You are late!
Boss is angry,
Discussing your fate!

Driving fast,
Message swapped,
Oh good grief,
Traffic’s stopped………………

Are you there?
No reply
Traffic chaos?
Did someone die?

………………

Please drive with care and make sure you and yours have a Christmas to remember for all the right reasons.

© Baldock Bard 2014
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The Sentencing

Posted on October 18, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I sat in the public gallery of a Crown Court as a convicted paedophile received his sentence. His actions and the hurt to children (now grown adults), that he caused, are too horrific to mention. The very fact that he showed no remorse or sorrow would have sent Judge Bard reaching for his black wig…

The evil that men can do,
In the search for self-gratification,
Makes me sometimes feel ashamed,
Of my very gender.

To have to hear such horrific evidence,
Day upon day,
Week upon week,
Must surely erode,
The heart, soul and faith,
In human nature,
Of those who have to listen.

When the world wakes up this morning,
It is safe in the knowledge,
That a disgusting man,
Has 2,920 more mornings,
To wake in a cell.

May Vincent Mitchell, 82,
Convicted paedophile,
Rot In Peace.

© Baldock Bard 2014
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The Sunday Papers

Posted on October 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I used to religiously buy a Sunday newspaper. Yesterday Mrs Bard went shopping and came back with a free copy. I wondered if anyone was left who had the time to trawl through such a weighty tome. There were three magazines, numerous sections and more inserts than you could count. You’d need a whole row of budgie cages to use up this lot…

I looked at the Sunday papers,
There’s very little news,
An awful lot of filler,
And someone else’s views!

What a mess around the world,
Syria and Iraq,
A murder suspects body,
Found hanging in a park.

Polititian’s U-turns,
That’s no news to us,
There are by-elections coming,
The polls will make a fuss!

Someone’s marriage is over,
Someone’s in the dock,
A Bishop is an adulterer,
Someone’s wife he did defrock!

An actor is now married,
The world’s press were there,
Leading to a question,
Do we really care?

Pages of irrelevant words,
With opinion by the score,
Will the paper become extinct?
It looks like a dinosaur.

Remains of the (American) Day!

Posted on August 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Today the UK has been hit by the remains of Hurricane Bertha. An American friend e-mailed a photo taken in Portland US yesterday which showed a multi-forked lightening strike near a well-known local monument. We battened down the hatches in preparation for some American left-overs…

The remains of Hurricane Bertha
Have been around today
Rain and hail with lightening
Strong winds have made trees sway!
But this time lacked Michael Fish
(On Utube you can play)
In Ninety-Seven he forecasted:
“No hurricane on its way!”
Hurricane Bertha picture from Portland. Maine, USA. Unknown Photographer.

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Waving At Aircraft!

Posted on June 30, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever lain on your back on a hot summer’s day, looked up at the sky and wondered where that plane is going? The other day I watched a contrail from the garden. I pointed my phone at the sky and discovered though an app (PF AR) that it was carrying freight from Mineapplois to Stansted. If I was able to do that with my i-phone, how could someone with more resources ‘lose’ an aircraft…

In lay on my back
Looked up to the sky
Watching an aircraft
And wondering why
It leaves a trail
Wherever it’s been
Although sometimes
This cannot be seen

Then I wondered
About that Malaysian plane
Where it could be
Will it be seen again
The news is now silent,
The press have moved on
And nobody knows
Where it has gone

All of those relations
Of the passengers lost
How must they feel
When they count the cost
Of families parted
Never seen again
Because the authorities
Can’t find just one plane

© Baldock Bard 2014
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