Acquired at Auction!

Posted on May 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I called in on a local auction where they were disposing of all the fixtures, furnishings and stock of a local saddlery company following the death of its owners. It was sad to see the end of an era, however good to see such interest. Despite having an itchy nose, following a trip to the dentist, I came away without a purchase, however it could have been so different…

I went to a countryside auction,
I sat in the very last row.
The auctioneer spoke very quickly:
“Everything here has to go!”

I had this itch on my nose,
I’d been to the dentist you see,
Whenever I scratched the itch on my nose,
He put the lot down to me!

I bought a small wooden donkey,
A figurine perched on a base,
A couple of ladies sidesaddles,
Some hairnets and a large box of lace!

So if you go to an auction,
(You’ve seen Bargain Hunt on the TV!)
Sit on your hands looking down,
or you’ll end up with lots just like me!

Bayles Auctioneers hold regular auctions and are kind to new buyers and sellers!
They can be contacted at colinbayles@hotmail.com

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Remembrance Bells

Posted on May 11, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On Saturday at 11am we rang the two 15^th Century bells in our little village church to celebrate the 70^th anniversary of VE Day, the end of the Second World War. As I pulled on the rope with young Gabriel (in charge of ‘Dong’), I wondered what those who had sacrificed their lives would think of ours today. This made me pull harder…

I rang Ding,
Gabriel rang Dong,
The countryside echoed,
Ding Dong Ding Dong!

I wondered as we gripped,
the sallies with both hands,
Whether bells would ring,
In far-off foreign lands.

Then I thought,
Of deeds that had been done,
So Ding and Dong,
Could evermore be rung!

Grandpa’s mower!

Posted on May 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday afternoon I watched an old man walking in the park pushing a three-wheeled walking-aid. It looked just as if he was mowing grass. Later on he could be seen walking back towards his home. I was impressed by his vigour, as during that whole time I’d not moved from my deckchair.

Every morning Grandpa goes for a walk,
gives him exercise, chance for a talk,
to others who’re taking their constitution,
an aged no-gym pensioner solution.

He pushes his three wheeler, he calls his lawnmower,
doesn’t need emptying, but gives him a blower,
when he gets back, with colourful cheeks,
he brews a cuppa, not felt better for weeks.

We mustn’t joke or laugh at his gait,
for we’ll soon be his age, not long to wait,
and if I reach ninety, heaven knows how,
I hope I’m as fit as he is now!

1001st Blog Posting!

Posted on April 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On the 29^th of February 2012, I posted a verse on my new blog site under the pen name Baldock Bard. Someone said “Ha! Bet you can’t write a thousand!” Today, this very morning is my 1001^st posting. In that time over 155,000 people have viewed my verse and worse. Thank you all for your support of a simple farmer from Baldock UK who happens to write a blog…

1001 cleans a big big carpet,
Or so they used to say.
It now means a blog from the Baldock Bard,
Or so it does today!
So many thanks to readers,
Dotted around the world,
Without your support and following,
No celebratory flag unfurled!

With 1001 thanks to all of you, see you next time!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Pavement Tables!

Posted on April 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Here in North Hertfordshire summer has arrived early. Yesterday’s temperature reached 24 degrees and Baldockonians are making the most of the sunshine to act like continentals, while some ‘tut-tut’ at this frivolous exhibitionism…

Summer’s here, not far from home,
Pavement tables just like Rome!
Friends have gathered, ignore the traffic,
A wonderful scene, so photographic!
Elder residents have been known to say,
“Wouldn’t have happened in our day!
Do they think it’s an esplanade?
What with all that skin displayed!”
No-one’s had to take a plane,
We’re in Baldock, warmer than Spain!

Jelly at Lunchtime!

Posted on April 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It must be twenty-eight and a half years since we last had a toddler in the house. While we weren’t necessarily strict parents, Mrs Bard and I were from the non-spoiling school of child rearing (Perhaps for historical accuracy I should remove my name from this statement as I was probably ‘an easy touch’ and any credit in the rearing dept. should go to Mrs Bard). Add a generation and things are slightly different…

Please eat your lunch,
It’s good for you!
Please eat your lunch,
It’s good!
Please eat your lunch,
Please eat,
Please!

Just another mouthful,
And you can have a jelly.
You don’t want jelly.
How about a Peppa Pig Jelly?
No we don’t watch Peppa Pig at lunchtimes.
The news is different.

How about Peppa Pig and a Peppa Pig Jelly?
You can’t watch Peppa and Thomas the Tank Engine together.
OK, so you can!
I’m sure Peppa wouldn’t mind you eating her jelly while…
Jelly on my trousers is so not funny.
OK, so jelly on my trousers is funny.
Ssssh! The news is starting!

With apologies to granddaughter, daughter and Mrs Bard.
Weakness is my strength!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns this Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Cambridgeshire Crucifiction!

Posted on April 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I watched a passion play and it was excellent. The amateur players hardly put a foot wrong and despite taking place in various locations around a Cambridgeshire market town, there seemed to be no hiccups! It was however, slightly strange to see the characters with a variety of modern day backdrops…

At Easter in St Neots they’ve closed the street,
Residents can come to listen and meet,
There are stages set and Roman Guards,
Pharisees, Scribes and also Bards!
The throng all follow the action route,
There’s a crucifixion in a car park to boot!
When they’ve seen all there is to see,
The crowd wanders home in time for tea!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Old Tractor!

Posted on March 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I started up our old David Brown tractor. When she was new and shiny she was on display at the East of England Show! Now her bonnet is pitted with rust and she doesn’t like getting up in the mornings…

We have an old tractor,
Her name is David Brown!
She’s now retired,
Doesn’t work on the ground.
She’ll likely be seen,
Sawing up some wood,
She’d like to go ploughing,
I doubt if she could.
So she sits in the shed,
Doesn’t go anywhere,
It’s the tractor equivalent,
Of the high wing-back chair!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Eclipse Special Edition!

Posted on March 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How many of you remember the 11^th of August 1999? Do you recall standing about outside looking in vain towards the heavens for an eclipse that was totally obscured by cloud? Way back then I wrote two eclipse-style verses. I thought today might be a good excuse to reprint them and add a third and fourth…

6/8/99 Heralding the event of the year – the total eclipse of the sun.
I bought two thousand hand torches
At an auction near Morden in May
They’ve littered my house since I bought them
My wife said “Take them away”
On my stall at the boot sale near Baldock
ECLIPSE TORCHES – BUY ONE TODAY!
Sold them all to the fact I was shouting
“Don’t get caught in the dark on Wednesday!”

Wednesday August 11th 1999 The eclipse happened but was generally spoilt by cloud and rain.
I went down West to watch the eclipse
A once-in-a-lifetime not to be missed
I spent all Tuesday in a traffic jam
Would’ve arrived far sooner in a vintage tram!
I set up camp in a farmer’s field
More money than corn, tents can yield!
I bought special specs to protect my eyes
The money I spent was the real surprise
I waited and watched to no avail
It was cloudy and damp like last week’s boot sale!
I ended up cold broke and smelly
I’d have seen far more at home on telly!

Friday 20th March 2015
Plus ça change, so some say,
Another eclipse is here today,
They forecast cloud maybe rain,
We’ll not see very much again.
Perhaps we should have gone elsewhere,
To see if viewing’s better there,
But the finest view we’ll get today,
Is via the internet, the modern way!
There’s bound to be a clever-clog,
A picture on his ‘me me’ blog!
Don’t be jealous, don’t turn green,
He’s stolen the picture from another screen!

Wednesday, August 12th 2026,
(to be continued….maybe!)

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Wimp Goes Hunter Gathering!

Posted on March 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I was never much good at History when I was at school. I always believed it to be this week’s best, or at least most plausible, take on past times, tainted by modern ideology. There is a theory that apparently suggests that ancient farmers started off as wimpy, stay-at-home, mummy’s skirt-clutchers, whilst macho big-brothers went off hunter-gathering. This week I’ve been doing some hunter-gathering for a change…

I went to fetch the cultivator,
From its hibernation place,
I noticed some tines were broken,
And the points were a disgrace!
I had a quick ring round,
Alas none to be had,
“I’m afraid they’re on back-order,
The situation’s bad!”

So I ventured from the caveside,
Trusty hound by my side,
Harnessed the Mitsubishi,
A nice day for a ride!
Doug, a kindly Biggleswader,
Behind the counter at ABA,
Sourced everything I needed,
And sent me on my way!

So if you’re afraid of leaving your cave,
And venturing beyond the hill,
Visit Doug at Biggleswade,
For a hunting-gathering thrill!

Many thanks to Doug who went well beyond the call of duty and wore out his computer mouse locating and securing the parts I needed. Everyone needs a Doug on their side when hunter-gathering!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Past Times

Acquired at Auction!

Remembrance Bells

Grandpa’s mower!

1001st Blog Posting!

The Pavement Tables!

Jelly at Lunchtime!

A Cambridgeshire Crucifiction!

The Old Tractor!

Eclipse Special Edition!

The Wimp Goes Hunter Gathering!