The Journey to Work!

Posted on March 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There was a time when it was forecast that computers would spell the end of commuters! Judging by the daily stampede for the station, the prediction was wrong. Many people I know commute every day into the Capital, many like me walk a few yards to work. Sometimes the different tribes look at each other across the fence…

Packed into the carriage like sardines,
Off to the city they go,
Each commuter an island,
As they rattle too and fro!

Old Bill drives his tractor,
Practicing his craft,
Muttering to himself every day:
“And they thinks I is daft!”

Have a good day, wherever you are and however you got there!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Lions and Lambs in March!

Posted on March 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The weather in March can always be uncertain. The days are getting longer however it is a month of ‘two coats’. ‘Two coats’ is the difference between standing out of the wind in the sunshine and standing in the shade! It is also a month for lambs and lions…

Yesterday was a cold crispy morning,
Sunshine later, added some warming.
After lunch wouldn’t you know?
The sky grew dark and we had snow!
But this weather could be a sham,
March, In like a lion, out like a lamb!

…better get those barbecues ready for the end of the month!

Pan Pipes Play Abba!

Posted on February 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

While clearing out a shed yesterday I came across some musical gold. So surprised was I at the discovery that I had to immediately find a CD player and luxuriate in the melodies….

Pan pipes play Abba,
What a great fantastic treat!
It’s their greatest achievement,
One they never will repeat!
Played in lifts and lobbies,
Hotel music par excellence,
I believe unique in chart history,
Even top ten over in France?
So alerting all musical collectors,
Who may be lacking this CD,
I’ll put it to one side,
And you can bin it just for me!

Before anyone questions my musical integrity, No! it wasn’t mine, I believe it must have arrived amongst the rubbish from the car boot sales. Please believe me!

Chicken Manure!

Posted on February 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I do love shopping at discount stores, you never know what you’re going to find. Many years ago I worked on a chicken farm. Every so often we used to clear out the chicken muck from the large sheds. It was an aroma-filled job that used to clear chesty coughs and colds…

Many many years ago,
Into muck-filled sheds I’d go,
The air was filled with a pungent perfume,
Replaced by clean shavings very soon!
We shifted many tons of muck,
(not a job with any luck!),
Never thought I’d ever see,
Bags in a shop – get one free!

Feeding The Fire!

Posted on February 17, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I chopped some wood for the farmhouse wood burner. It was neither stressful nor did it carry much sense of achievement. The axe stayed firmly in my imagination along with a woodsman from many years ago…

The woodsman goes into the forest,
Axe slung over his shoulder.
His wife dressed in hessian,
Clutching a babe-in-arms,
Waves from the woodland cottage door,
A wisp of smoke escapes from the chimney.
They are almost out of logs.
He fells the tree with mighty swings of the axe,
By nightfall he wearily carries home an armful of warmth for his family,
Job done.

The woodshed is almost empty,
I fetch the JCB tractor from the barn and attach the log splitter.
The large bucket is attached to the JCB Loadall.
Sections of matured tree trunk are bought into the barn (it’s raining!).
No sweat will be needed here, the machine never grunts!
Within the hour over a ton of logs are in the bucket.
A slight sweat is raised when throwing logs into the woodshed,
Job done.
…Which would you prefer: The pastoral or the modern?

The Hycrack log splitter can be seen in action on Youtube : www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFQMIu63efo

Frank The Purple Dinosaur’s Valentine!

Posted on February 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Today is St Valentine’s Day. Millions of people around the world will buy flowers, chocolates and champagne in the hope of attracting love. Sometimes love needs a bit of help, especially if you are a purple dinosaur…

Frank the Purple Dinosaur,
Thought it most unfair,
That he had purple skin,
Wasn’t getting anywhere!
Every Friday,
Come wind or rain or hail,
He took the bus to Baldock,
In love he’d always fail.

But today he’s been rewarded,
A card through his door at eight,
From Betty the Pink Plegasaurus,
Could they have a date?
She’s been looking at his profile,
She likes his manly chest,
When you’re a purple dinosaur,
Computer dating’s best!

With thanks to my two-year-old granddaughter for her help in painting the picture of Frank the Purple Dinosaur!
Wishing you all a very Happy Valentines Day!

The Little Blue Coat!

Posted on February 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I had my two-year-old granddaughter rushing around, screeching and winding the dogs up, all before 7.30! It was delightful, particularly on this very sad day for our family. Lately there has also been a little blue coat hanging on the back of the kitchen chair again. It is wonderful to see it being used.
It was once worn by my twenty-two-year-old son, David, who was killed in a car accident while at university twelve years ago today.
Julia Gillard, the former Australian Premier, summed up such loss in her speech at the tenth anniversary for those killed in the Bali bombings. She said: “… wounds and scars abound, healed and unhealed. But nothing can replace that empty seat at your family table, the graduations and christenings you will never know. And the fault line that will always divide your lives into two halves: ‘before’ and ‘after’…”

So today I remember the little boy in the blue coat and the young man he became, as the niece he never knew, runs around the farm he loved, wearing his old blue coat.

As his father, I’m still so proud of him.

There are two things I’d like you to do today:
First of all I’d like you to give any teenager or young person that you know a simple piece of advice that may just end up saving their lives: If they are in a car and not happy with the way it is being driven or they suspect the driver may have been drinking or is stoned, say: “I think I’m going to be sick”. This may mean a long walk home, but it’s better than not reaching home at all.
Secondly I want you to ring, text, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, MSN (or better still the old-fashioned face to face), your child (or anyone who is very precious to you) and say two words: “Love You”. These are the last two words I ever said to my son. How I wish I could utter them again, so I’m asking you to do it. Not for me, not for David, but for you.

Simon (aka Baldock Bard)

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Joys of Communication (and Old Age!)

Posted on January 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I realised the other day, while walking down the street, that I’ve become a M.O.B. (Miserable Old Bar-Steward). A group of teenagers sat in the sunshine and all were using their smartphones. “Huh!” I said to myself (muttering in public being one of the early symptoms), “I bet they’re ‘talking’ to each other!” I continued my slow journey to the library muttering about “the youth of today!” Later on I recognized with horror that I had turned into my father. It’s time I was put out to pasture…

Oh! The joys of a mobile phone,
(Or whatever they’re called now!)
We must be in touch all of the time,
At home or on the plough!
Whatever did we do in olden days,
A phone box did we seek?
Didn’t care about connectivity,
And sulk in a fit of pique!

Do you remember talking,
When you went out for a meal?
Brains were used instead of Google,
Today crosswords are hardly real!
Groups of teenagers snap-chatting away,
(To the ones they’re standing beside!)
Leaves you wondering where it will end,
If conversation has finally died!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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It’s All Greek To Me!

Posted on January 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

So the Greeks have been to the ballot box and voted to give Angela Merkel and the rest of the EU the finger! What happens next? It’s a scenario that could only happen in a southern European country, where working hours are tradionally short and lunch is long. Northern Europeans have never understood the Southerners. If the truth be known, they could have possibly been slightly jealous of their ‘devil may care’ attitude!. Thirty years ago commentators were discussing a ‘two-tier Europe’, perhaps the time has arrived…

The Greeks went to the Ballot box,
With austerity they didn’t agree,
Said to Europe, “Get off our backs,
There’ll be no payback, see!”

Ceremonial guards do the goose-step,
Tourists watch with glee!
Domestica and Retsina by the glass,
They’re desperate to pee!

Taramasalata and Pitta bread,
Overlooking the sea?
Fakelaki backhanders greasing palms,
There’s nothing here for free!

Billions donated by Europe?
Austerity, generations may see,
I don’t understand the problem,
It’s all Greek to me!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The March of Time!

Posted on January 21, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There is a large agricultural machinery show taking place at Peterborough today and tomorrow called LAMMA. It showcases the latest and largest tractors, combines, sprayers and cultivators that money can buy. A generation ago, life was much simpler, the industry was simpler and tractors had no heating, air-conditioning or even cabs…

Here comes old Bert on his ‘new’ row-crop tractor,
Smiling fit to burst is that a great factor?
Life was much harder in so many ways,
What would he make of farming these days?
Milk cheaper than water in a bloody great store,
Kids who have everything and still yell for more!
Combines cost hundreds of thousands of pounds,
What farmers do decided by ‘them live in towns’.
Rules and regulation come in from abroad,
Government spend billions that we can’t afford.
Old Bert led a simple life, happy was he,
A hard day at work then home for his tea!

http://www.lammashow.com/
In memory of my Uncle Pat and all those who worked with him on a farm near Bishop’s Stortford in Hertfordshire. God bless them all. Without them I wouldn’t be here today.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Past Times

The Journey to Work!

Lions and Lambs in March!

Pan Pipes Play Abba!

Chicken Manure!

Feeding The Fire!

Frank The Purple Dinosaur’s Valentine!

The Little Blue Coat!

The Joys of Communication (and Old Age!)

It’s All Greek To Me!

The March of Time!