We Shall Remember Them

Posted on November 9, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday on Remembrance Day I watched a piper lead a procession up a narrow street in a town in North Norfolk.
I wonder if you have been remembering someone over the Remembrance Weekend?
I have been remembering someone I never met and never knew existed until 17^th June 2012. I was walking around the enormous cemetery at Etaples in Northern France. Row upon row of headstones told the story of loss far better than words could ever do.

Wandering away from the orderly lines and shiny white headstones I discovered a grave all on its own, hidden amongst bushes, away from the vast majority. It is Chinese Labour Corps No 9436 that I have been remembering. Perhaps we should all take something from the inscription on his headstone:

A Good Reputation Endures For Ever

Thank You
Number 9436

Died September 23^rd 1917
© Baldock Bard 2014
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Leave The Past Behind!

Posted on November 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever re-visited a place from your youth and found it had changed beyond recognition? The campsite where you spent your first ‘without-parent’ holiday, that you remember being in the middle of nowhere, is now a car park surrounded by high-rise hotels. The small village school you attended is now a thousand-student-plus academy! These are obscure examples but I bet you could add more? What about food memories? Mrs Bard and I were on the road yesterday and I treated her to a vintage lunch. She was NOT impressed that I chose to travel back in time at a once-famous roadside eatery…

“All-day Breakfast please,
and a burger for my wife!”
The waitress was disinterested,
we were interrupting her life!
As soon as it came to the table,
I groaned when I saw it was mine,
either my memory had adjusted,
or my tastes had differed with time.
I can’t even describe the ‘sausage’,
the taste was nowhere near Gold!
The mushrooms were for the high jump,
the potatoes tasted of mold!
So those who are healthy and haughty,
Will say I made a mistake,
I should have ordered a salad,
Or a coffee and small carrot cake!

…this time history will not be repeating itself like the All-day Breakfast did!
Lesson learnt – leave past hidden in box in attic!

© Baldock Bard 2014
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In Praise of Prawn Cocktail!

Posted on November 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

There are some food-snobs who dismiss prawn cocktail on a menu as being either “steakhouse fodder for Tracy and Darren” or “oh, so Seventies dahling!” I don’t care if I’m thought of as being unfashionable. I’d also quite like to be Tracy and Darren’s age again thank you very much! I care little if the closest they get to haute cuisine is in a steakhouse or a repeat of Moldavian Masterchef on an obscure satellite channel. So crinkle the lettuce and reach for the Thousand Island, the starter is on its way…

Is a boy prawn called a cock?
And does he have a tail?
Perhaps he has a girlfriend,
Once frightened by a whale!
When he goes to bed,
Is his mattress made of lettuce?
Does he dream saucy dreams?
Containing spicy fetish!
Does he get back home?
Parents long in bed,
Having been out on the town,
Painting it green and red!

Darren’s taking Tracy,
Out on their first date.
He’s ordered prawn cocktail,
With a hope to consummate!
On the very next table,
From the hotel chain,
Roofers down from Salford,
Have ordered it once again!

So here’s to all Cocktailers,
From wherever you may hail,
We may not be the trendiest,
But we do love Prawn Cocktail!

The Free Gift!

Posted on October 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was shopping yesterday when a magazine caught my eye. Inside the plastic covering was a wonderful FREE GIFT! Despite being the worlds worst cook I just had to buy it. When I returned home I complained that the spatula had made me do it…

I bought my wife a spatula,
The magazine with it was free,
She was impressed with the recipes,
The utensil was just for me!

I wanted to use the spatula,
To clear cake mix from the bowl,
The finished cake was much smaller,
Had become a mini Swiss Roll!

When my mother used to do baking,
I’d always stay very near,
In order not to waste mixture,
It would end up from mouth to ear!

What will happen in future?
With no free gift on the net,
We’ll have to use our fingers,
In a way we might yet forget!

The Sunday Papers

Posted on October 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I used to religiously buy a Sunday newspaper. Yesterday Mrs Bard went shopping and came back with a free copy. I wondered if anyone was left who had the time to trawl through such a weighty tome. There were three magazines, numerous sections and more inserts than you could count. You’d need a whole row of budgie cages to use up this lot…

I looked at the Sunday papers,
There’s very little news,
An awful lot of filler,
And someone else’s views!

What a mess around the world,
Syria and Iraq,
A murder suspects body,
Found hanging in a park.

Polititian’s U-turns,
That’s no news to us,
There are by-elections coming,
The polls will make a fuss!

Someone’s marriage is over,
Someone’s in the dock,
A Bishop is an adulterer,
Someone’s wife he did defrock!

An actor is now married,
The world’s press were there,
Leading to a question,
Do we really care?

Pages of irrelevant words,
With opinion by the score,
Will the paper become extinct?
It looks like a dinosaur.

© Baldock Bard 2014
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It’s Called Progress!

Posted on September 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I unloaded thirty-eight tonnes of fertiliser (ready for next Spring) without breaking into a sweat. Twenty-five years ago fertilizer came in 50kg bags on a pallet. Unloading from the lorry was easy but loading into the spreader was by hand. Going back to my father’s day the unloading of the lorry, onto the trailer and into the spreader was all by hand. How times have changed…
Our fertilizer used to be
In twenty bags to the ton
And we loaded into the spreader
By hand one by one!
Now it comes in big bags
So easy to lift a tonne
We now just pull a lever,
Without sweat the job is done!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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September Sunshine!

Posted on September 17, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Having been back and forth to the hospital recently to see my old man has meant that farming has had to take a back seat. Thankfully the weather has been fine and so planting operations are effectively on hold until rain arrives. Also due to an earlier-than-normal harvest, we seem to be up to date. However once the weather breaks all that can change…

Mid-September and summer’s here!
(I’d like a pub garden – cold pint of beer!)
But back to work I fear I must,
Clanking rolls and choking dust!
A farmer told me it was a pain,
That when it was sunny he wanted rain!
And when the rain was daily pouring,
For a dry day he would be imploring!
It just shows that all together,
A farmer’s not satisfied whatever the weather!

© Baldock Bard 2014
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Time Travel with my Stomach!

Posted on September 11, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I’m always pleased (at my advanced age!) to rediscover tastes and experiences that I’d forgotten. The other day Mrs Bard and I were in Morrisons at Sterling Corner at the bottom of the A1 when I discovered they sold Wagon wheels! I could hardly wait until I got home before ripping open the packet to travel back in time…

I opened the packet of Wagon Wheels
And much to my surprise
Over the years they had shrunk
To almost half the size

The chocolate was still melty
The biscuit still held a crunch
But where was the thick layer of mallow?
I used to enjoy after lunch!

It was only then that I realized,
The years had slipped away,
And nothing still tasted the same,
As it did back in the day!

So next time I have a brainwave,
I shall ignore the time-travel call,
Because nothing is quite the same,
As it was when I was small!
However having finished the packet of six in one sitting I can say they are still irresistible and produce the same over-indulgent stomach ache as they did when I pigged out back then. After all these years I still haven’t learnt that one is enough and that the packet will still be available the next day!!!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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Every Saturday until October!
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The Devil’s Cymbals!

Posted on September 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve put away the plough for a while and attached the Cambridge Rolls to the tractor to break down the clods. Being made up of a three rows of cast-steel rings on an axle they are very noisy. I call them ‘The Devil’s Cymbals!’…

When my children were very small,
And my wife was teaching in a school.
My mother would provide Farm-Day-Care,
They’d go with her everywhere!
Before the days of ‘all’s an offence’,
Health and Safety was common sense,
So on the tractor the kids would go,
To harvest, cultivate roll or sow!
In those days when cabs were bare,
and the rear window just wasn’t there,
The noise for a child sitting on a sack,
Was more like an alien attack!
But sitting on their improvised seat,
The little darlings would fall straight to sleep!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
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A Blast From My Past!

Posted on September 3, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you ever been suddenly reminded of times past? Driving my old man to a London station yesterday I was stopped at some traffic lights in Kilburn when I spotted something that I hadn’t seen locally for years – A greengrocers shop that was so full of wonderful produce that it spilled onto the street! Perhaps there is life after stores like Tesco have killed a town and maybe the city can teach rural areas a thing or two…

When I was young and just a lad,
I’d go shopping on a Friday with my dad!
In our old grey pickup, collie in the back,
The bench seat was covered with a sack!
First we’d go to get the wages,
He’d chat to people it took ages!
Then to the supermarket, International Stores,
It was compact, with shinny floors!
The greengrocer was always the last to meet,
A tiny shop with a queue on the street.
Eric Piper was short not stout,
He reminded me of a Brussels Sprout!
All of this died some 40 years ago,
The town changed for ever, shops started to go.
So seeing a greengrocer’s fantastic display,
Took me right back to another day!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
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With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Past Times

We Shall Remember Them

Leave The Past Behind!

In Praise of Prawn Cocktail!

The Free Gift!

The Sunday Papers

It’s Called Progress!

September Sunshine!

Time Travel with my Stomach!

The Devil’s Cymbals!

A Blast From My Past!