Category Archives: People and Personalities

The True Meaning of Friendship

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Sometimes in life, quite by accident, all the stars align to create an unexpected day. Today is one of those. This morning I awoke in Staffordshire, staying with my old friend Tony. Nothing unusual about that!
Today I am off to Harper Adams University College to do a BASIS course about drone-use in agriculture. In doing this I will pass the spot where a drunk driver killed my son when he was a student at the college.
By absolute coincidence, today would have also been the 60th birthday of Tony’s wife Marsya (after whom my granddaughter is named).
During the living hell that happens to a family after a fatal road traffic accident, Marsya became our eyes, ears and body up here, attending the Coroners Court, local memorial services, taking pressure from us and much much more.
She was one of the most talented journalists of her age, a wonderful mother, wife, user of words and wearer of country casuals.
Above all, she was truly a friend in need and a friend indeed.

We all miss her.

Happy Birthday Mars.

Baldock Bard

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The Empty Chairs in Paris

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Empty ChairWhen someone dies, one of the first noticeable things is the suddenly empty chair. Much has been written and spoken about this weekend’s terrible terrorist attack in Paris. What has been less commented on is the personal tragedy suffered by, not just the victims, but those they loved and who loved them…

There are many empty chairs in Paris today,
Il y a beaucoup de chaises vide en Paris aujourd’hui.
At breakfast,
a la petite déjeuner,
On the Underground,
dans le Metro,
In the office,
dans le bureau.
At lunch,
au déjeuner,
On the bus,
sur le bus,
In the bar,
dans le bar.
In the home,
dans la maison.

But most of all,
mais surtout,
in the heart,
dans le Coeur.

Vivre La France, avec amour.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




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The Remarkable Traffic Warden!

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We all love to hate Traffic Wardens and complain (as much as a three-year-old when caught stuffing todays post down the toilet!) when we are ticketed. Sometimes they can be accused of being over-zealous, however in my limited experience they can sometimes be most human…

Strutting around towns they march,
expressions as if they’re faces starched,
handing out tickets left and right,
acting as if they’ve a God-given might!

We are lucky in Baldock Town,
many a smile, hardly a frown,
Should you ever piss you take,
your number goes down from your plate!

Not long ago I was just collecting,
a tasty take-away was expecting,
“I’m so sorry, please do not scold!”
“Hurry along before your meal gets cold!”

No need to offer twice,
Thank you for ensuring no cold rice!

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our cars, but in ourselves, for we are underlings!’ Have a great day and avoid fines of any sort!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
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60 Not Out!

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SixtyI am 60 today. Apparently, according to some junior reporter for a national newspaper who has just eschewed nappies for ‘Y’ Fronts and has column inches to fill, this is the new 40. If it is, and I very much doubt it, why does my back hurt whenever I sweep a bin, crawl under a machine or spend more than an hour in a tractor seat?

I am 60,
Fuuuuuck!
Where did the years go?
Was it really that long ago,
That I was at school,
at college,
at my wedding,
at two births?

‘Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to her?’
phrases I seem to have
seldom used
as for some strange reason
friends have remained
and few have strayed.

So the answer to life
is to collect friends
in the same way
you’d collect
diamonds
precious
stones
or rare
plants,
keeping them
in a very safe place
well nourished
and watered!

Thank you friends
for being…
…friends!

P.s the answer to a long and happy marriage is obvious – Do like I did and marry your best friend (34 years and still Mrs Bard hangs onto this idiot!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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A Voice from the Past!

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SweepingYesterday I spent the day sweeping wheat!
At best the job is dusty and sweaty with grains that work their way down your back to nether regions best not mentioned! I won’t bore you with details of the worst. For light relief, along with the obligatory dust mask, I wear my trusty BOSE noise-cancelling headphones attached to my iPhone. I was sweeping and listening to banal music from my extended playlist, when a voice from the past shocked memories from me quicker than a lightening bolt.
Every Sunday morning in our farmhouse kitchen, almost fifty years ago, the radio would play in the background (a church service from Bridlington or similar). Over a breakfast of cereal followed by a hard-boiled egg and toast, my mother would bustle around the Rayburn while my father, just in from the farm, would sip quietly at a mug of tea. My brother and I would just quarrel!
Almost without warning an announcer’s voice would suddenly say: “Alistair Cooke, Letter from America” and the room would be filled with one of the most melodic voices ever to have graced a valve or transistor… and respectful silence would follow. Niggling between my brother and I would cease, toast would remain un-scraped and not a word would be spoken until the end of the programme.
Looking back Alistair Cooke taught me more about the land from across the Atlantic than a legion of geography teachers. He made whole broadcasts from simple events and took international and national news and personalised them in a way even I as a youngster could appreciate.
In the hustle and bustle of my sweeping day, I stood stock-still amidst the dust and noise from the grain store, silently listening to a story about Vermont and remembering simpler times and a Sunday breakfast from long ago.
Afterwards, nourished by the experience, I swept with renewed vigour.

Alistair Cooke died on the 30th March 2004, aged 95.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
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every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The River Snails!

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CruisersRecently I was at a wedding on the Norfolk Broads. During the marquee-clad reception, there was a constant procession of river cruisers passing the garden at a sedentary 4mph. Most boats had a fishing keep-net on the roof…

Migratory river snails,
bright September morning,
filling the waterways,
north-west of Horning.

Doug down from Doncaster,
with his mates going fishing,
gallons of lager,
and overboard pissing!

Captains for a week,
Plastic Skippers all,
back at work next week,
to tell stories tall.

“The fish were enormous,
should have seen the size,
you’d better come next year!”
all fisherman’s lies!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
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every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Farmer with Altitude!

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Phantom 3When was the last time you took yourself way out of your comfort zone? Perhaps you absailed down the side of a building, cycled to Paris or swam the channel? Since June I have spent much time well away from my own personal comfort zone. I have been learning not just how to fly a UAV or drone, but have leapt the many hurdles in order to do it properly, safely and legally. I’ve passed my first exam for over forty years, written a unique 57 page flight manual with authority and yesterday passed a flight test in Lincolnshire. And all in my Sixtieth year!
However I didn’t do it on my own. Not only were there some great co-masochists in the Newcastle classroom at the end of June, but also those guiding us forward towards success were of the highest calibre. Sion and Daniel are military men, and as we all know our military is the best-trained in the world, so it came as no surprise when their training of us proved to be so successful. There were times when I didn’t know whether to honour it, salute it or remove its parachute and kick it out of the open door, but those two simply led from the front with unwavering belief that we could do it.
When I was told after my test that I’d achieved a ‘skilled pass’, all that this ancient farmer could utter in surprise was, “bloody hell, thank you!”
When are you going to leave your comfort zone…

Yesterday I went to film a tree,
my final test to fly a drone you see!
Daniel and Sion gazed on with awe,
“looks like he’s chased a tree before!”
They looked around the panorama,
“He’s used to fields as he’s a farmer!”
Just then the drone came into land,
Like a runaway tractor except planned.
When they recovered their shock at last,
“He didn’t crash, I think he’s passed!”
I heard them tell the non-existent multitude:
“He’s our farmer, he’s got altitude!”
TreeWith tremendous thanks to Sion and Daniel from RUSTA (www.uastraining.com). How they managed to guide me through the three months without a sheepdog I’ll never know. If you want to use a drone properly, take it from me you need experts to train you, and I thoroughly recommend these two be the ones that help you achieve your goal. If they can get a simple son of the soil over the hurdles, they must be the best!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Product Endorsement!

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Titchmarsh CompostIt would seem that anyone who is anyone these days is into product endorsement. If you’re a celebrity chef you’ll have a menu range bearing your name in the local supermarket. If you’re a celebrity builder your name will be seen on tool ranges in DIY centres. However if you’re a celebrity TV gardener…

Dear old Alan Titchmarsh,
I bet that he is sore,
they’ve turned him into compost,
sold at his favourite store!
Now we’ll grow great begonias,
mixed with his DNA,
Lettuce and tomatoes,
it’s a ‘Titchmarsh Salad’ day!

…and good luck to him I say. How about a ‘Bard’ biscuit or Baldock Bacon?
…perhaps not!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Cowman’s Lament

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Milk ValueWhen I left school I worked on a dairy farm. In those days, every country road used to see a dairy tanker in the mornings. Now I have trouble working out where my nearest milk producing farm is, I think there might be one in Essex but I’m not sure. When the price of a single cigarette is more expensive than milk, you know somethings wrong…

Old Sam used to love his cows,
more love for them than his wife allows!
‘Marlene Three’ was his dear,
She’d stamp and flick her tail in your ear!
He’d call her always “ma wee hoor!”
before she exited the parlour door.
What he’d make of milk today?
“I’m better off in heaven'” he’d say.

With love and best wishes to dairy farmers across the UK, and especially those facing a future without cows. Sam died over thirty yeas ago and cows disappeared from the farm he worked on some time later.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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UAV Exam Nerves!

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Exam NotesAlmost fifty years ago when I was in school, I had an Australian geography teacher called Sidney Smith. He only ever said one thing to me: “You’ll come a cropper in the exams!” He was invariably right and his prediction hung around my neck for all of my school career. This morning I am taking a Civil Aviation Authority exam. Part of it includes remembering CAA laws, so I have devised the following in an attempt to shake off Sidney Smith’s curse…

CAP 722
Unmanned Aircraft System -You!
CAP 393
Air Navigation Order – what yours be?
CAP 382
Mandatory Reporting System – if crash you’ll do!
CAP 737
Crew Resource (air hostess heaven!)
CAP 403
A flying display is what you’ll see!
CAP 658
Safe model flying (that’s just great!)

In hindsight I accept it was only his interpretation of: “fail to prepare, prepare to fail!” Thanks Sidney, this one’s for you. RIP.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard

Twitter: @baldockbard

E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk



The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

www.u-boot.co.uk

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