Charlotte and the Waves!

Posted on August 8, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning, while we were all tucked up safely in our warm beds, friend Charlotte stepped into the sea near Dover. Just after 8pm last night she briefly stepped onto French soil. This is a massive achievement that most mortals would not even contemplate. The word ‘respect’ seems inadequate…

Dolly the horse spoke to Buzz the Spaniel,
“My mummy’s just swum the English Channel”
Buzz, not wishing to sound absurd,
“Are you sure that ‘Channel’ is a word?”
Dolly replied “it’s like a pond,
That stretches to Hatfield and beyond,
You enter the water at Dover Beach,
And swim until France you reach!
She’ll be back home very soon,
Can’t wait to see her I’m over the moon!
I’ll wait until there is no crowd,
Giver her a bite and tell her I’m proud!”

If you are able, please help to top up the fantastic amount that Charlotte has raised for charity. Please visit www.chchch.co.uk and give what you can spare in honour of this massive achievement. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/CharlotteBenton

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

We Shall Remember Them

Posted on July 29, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

On July 20^th 1914, my grandfather started harvesting winter oats. He employed 23 men on the farm and most work was done by hand. It took a week to cut and cart 60 acres of oats. By the end of 1918 three of those men lay in unknown graves in Northern France.
Today we are starting our harvest 100 years later. By the end of today, three of us should have cut and carted to store 52 acres worth of oats.

Maurice Barnes, aged 34, died 23^rd April 1917
Albert Presland, aged 23, died 12^th March 1915
Harry Hollingsworth, aged 28, died 3^rd August 1916

At the going down of the sun,
And in the morning,
We shall remember them.
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Golden Star Apples in Watford!

Posted on July 24, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

For some time I have had trouble with my I-phone. It was an irritating fault where it would only charge if the charge cord was wrapped around its body. I finally decided to take it to an Apple store and solicit the help of a Genius…

My I-phone would not charge
Oh dear what should I do,
Harvest is just around the corner,
I need a phone that’s true!

And so I went to Watford,
To the ‘Genius’ counter,
They took my phone away from me,
In a swift encounter!

“It’s OK now!” the Genius smiled,
(he’d probably seen enough),
The reason it wouldn’t charge at all,
In the charge point – i-Belly-Fluff!

The staff at the Apple Store in Watford were superb, they didn’t poke fun, they didn’t laugh, they were just extremely welcoming, kind and efficient.
Bravo to the Watford Applers!
The Baldock Bard Gold Star is an occasional award when somebody or an organisation does something outstanding or surprising in their field and deserves commendation.
Previous Winners:
Nov 7th 2012 – Belinda at the Deli counter, ASDA Stevenage
June 9th 2013 – Staff at the 3 Store, Stevenage
Jan 14th 2014 – Humane Parking Enforcement, St Neots

Matt the Happy Fisherman!

Posted on July 18, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I came across a remarkable scene. Friend Matt was lying stretched out in his small dingy, megaphone in hand, talking to the fish in the river. I quietly snuck away and called for help, I had no idea that communication with fish was possible…

A fisherman I know has a birthday today,
He’s tall and quiet, not much to say!
He has a skill that may astonish:
He is able to talk to fish!
Out in his boat with a megaphone,
They seem unable to use the phone!
He shouts quite loud so it appears,
Because of course they have no ears!
He splashes the water to take a look,
“Get ready my beauties to take my hook!”
Of fish on his plate there’s a lack,
Because of course he throws them back.
After spending many hours with hook and bait,
An Indian take-away is on his plate!

Happy Birthday to Matt, ‘The Happy Fisherman!’

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Football Crazy Football Mad!

Posted on July 14, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Like millions of households last night we watched the World Cup Final. The football became a backdrop to a wonderful evening of good food, good company and good wine! In fact a perfect evening where the only volume control was on the TV…

With friends last night I sat down to see,
The World Cup Final upon TV!
I’m not a real football fan,
Overpaid prima-donnas to a man!
Everyone had watched the Brazilian game,
And was expecting Germany to play the same!
Diving, skiving, seeing players floored,
I’m afraid even the dog was bored.
However the goal, when it finally came,
Reminded us sometimes it’s a beautiful game!

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Swimmer!

Posted on July 11, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

When most people want to visit France their travel arrangements are straightforward. Options include plane, train or automobile. Not friend Charlotte! For the last year she has been in training to swim the English Chanel from Dover to Calais. What started as a bullet point on her bucket list is about to come to fruition in the next few weeks. Last night I watched as she did some drink training off a narrow boat in the River Great Ouse in Cambridgeshire. Her mother, Sheila, swung the bottle on a rope while onlookers watched the almost comical act that is so vital during the many lonely hours of a channel swim…
Charlotte is on her way to France,
stroke by stroke will she advance.
She’s swum many hours in Dover Harbour,
The thought of waves doesn’t dampen her ardour!
Her little yellow cap bobs on the water,
Her mother throws drink at her daughter!
Very soon it’ll be for real,
Dover Beach might seem surreal,
And ‘plop’ into the water she’ll dive,
The last touch of land ‘till the other side.
Many hours later she’ll be a winner,
And know the loneliness of the long distance swimmer!
If you want to know how and why go to: http://www.chchch.co.uk
If you would like to donate to her worthy causes and help her on her way: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/CharlotteBenton
GO CHARLOTTE!

Memories at Offord Lock!

Posted on June 28, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Is there a place you know that forever reminds you of somebody?
Mrs Bard and I were on the River Great Ouse in Cambridgeshire this week. On a narrow-boat the top speed is around 4mph and so there is plenty of ‘thinking time’ as you steer a path that in a car would take minutes, but by boat takes hours. There are also locks to negotiate that can add considerably to journey time. It is one of these locks that will forever remind me of a friend who left us two years ago today.
Marsya and her husband Tony were with us for the weekend and we had to go through Offord Lock on our journey. While we were working the lock, I watched Marsya go over to a small table where there were cakes for sale in aid of charity. I took a couple of snapshots, not professional photographs, just holiday snaps!

This week, travelling through the same small countryside lock, I remembered that insignificant moment (woman buys cakes from table!) and thought of Marsya. Then I trawled through my un-catalogued digital-drawer to find the photos.
I post them this morning for two reasons. Firstly, to remember a great friend, who is sorely missed by all who had the great fortune to meet and know her. Secondly, as a reminder to us all, to enjoy and rejoice at those small insignificant moments when they happen, as they may turn out to be more important than they might seem at the time.
Enjoy a great weekend

Baldock Bard

The Agricultural Show-goers!

Posted on June 26, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day in the blazing sunshine I went to an agricultural show. It is a great place to ‘people watch’ as farmers these days come in all shapes, sizes and by no means all wear tweed! I happened to spot a couple that were not wearing matching agricultural uniform, this lead me to write this…

A young farmer that I know,
Took a girl to an agricultural show.
When she asked him what she should wear,
He said “anything I don’t care!”
When she asked him what she’d see,
He said “plenty, including me!”
“There’ll be cows and bulls, sheep and rams,
Oh! And pigs for quite exquisite hams!
Then there’ll be combine harvesters, tractors and ploughs,
And all sorts of gadgets for milking cows!
There’ll be balers for straw and turners for hay,
Loaders and chasers to cart it away!
But above all else and this is true,
The most important thing there will be you!”

So she spent all day tramping around,
Following his progress on the showground.
As he chatted with reps who explained their machines,
She fumed because she could have worn jeans!

Forty-Eight Years Later…!

Posted on June 21, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Forty-eight years ago I was given a First Day Cover where the General Post Office had over-printed a stamp with ‘England Winners’. This simply altered stamp rather sums up the difference between then and now. In those days footballers earned a wage, it was the greatest honour to represent their country, tackles on the pitch were crunching and it was not unusual for them to run a pub on retirement. Such a far cry from todays touch-and-fall-to-‘win’-a-penalty, media-posing, Wag-posturing, prima-donnas, where even the manager earns over £67,000 a week. So much has changed in nearly fifty years, many things for the better, but some of the changes make you wonder…

Sea lions on their shirts
And they’re coming home,
They should have stayed in Brazil,
By beating the team from Rome!
There’ll be calls to retire the manager,
To a bungalow by the sea,
Where in a wingback chair he can dribble,
No chance of a penalty!
However they’ve one remaining fixture,
Before they board the plane,
Perhaps they can share the aircraft,
With the exiting team from Spain.

…hopefully better luck next time!

The Bard and The Chinese Shoe Factory!

Posted on May 28, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning I received an E-mail from a Chinese manufacturer of quality shoes. The plea, from a very well-mannered Mr Triumph, suggested that I may be interested in sizes from 32-46. Furthermore I was assured that their styles were nice, they were very good shoe producer and that they were right there waiting to hear from me. As it is impolite to be impolite I prepared this for them, and wish them well in the expanding Baldock shoe sector…
Far away in China,
Never showing up in news,
A very fine factory,
Making lots of shoes.
One day a marketing gentleman,
Happened by the gates,
“I give you world exposure
Thanks to Mr Gates!”
So in the Brio factory,
Mr Triumph (head of shoes),
Started e-mailing worldwide,
A clever marketing ruse.
One of these e-mails,
Happened to go astray,
And landed on my desktop,
Early yesterday.
I was most impressed,
By the footware shown,
That I thought I’d order some,
To wear around the home!
The dogs think I’ve gone barmy,
Mrs Bard is quite upset,
My granddaughter asked her mother,
“Will you take Granddad to the vet?”
So Mr Triumph,
Some shoes are on the Bard,
I’ve ordered some for the tractor,
And some for round the yard!
Good luck with your endeavours,
I hope for you the sun will shine,
Good luck to all at Brio,
Your shoes do sure look fine!
The nice Mr Triumph can be found at:
Brio Shoes Co., Ltd.
No. 303, Jiahe Road, Amoy, China
If you are passing, look him up and say that the Baldock Bard says ‘Hello!’

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk