Thirty-Five Years!

Posted on May 19, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

A rare photo of Mrs Bard with her Granddaughter!
Thirty-five years ago a nervous young Bridegroom with wet hair stood in a small chapel in South Wales waiting for this bride-to-be. I had not taken much notice of the time and had wandered around the shops in Llanelli looking for a tie to wear! I then had a leisurely bath, having dragged the hotels TV into the bathroom doorway so I could watch Swap Shop! This was followed by hammerings on the door as my Best Man attempted to speed up my leisurely bath in attempt to get me to the chapel on time. As a result when I ‘made my entrance’ it was on all fours as I tripped over a step, with wet dark hair (my hair changes colour as it dries!). My intended was a little late (I think!) despite having been in jeans some ten minutes before the ceremony.
I thought I was the luckiest man on the planet… and I still do. How Mrs Bard has put up with me for all these years, I have no idea. Sometimes she says that she’d have got less if she’d buried me under the patio! However she’s been there, always by my side and today we celebrate thirty-five years since that day when I fell into marriage with wet hair!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Scarecrow and the Jacket!

Posted on April 20, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

While browsing in a local shop yesterday I came across a remaindered rail full of jackets. As is my habit, I took a photo for possible future use. Later on, while downloading the picture, I was suddenly reminded of a gentle-man who lived in our village and how one day he’d given me a jacket…

Francis rang me up to say,
“I saw your scarecrow yesterday,
and far from me to criticise,
the coat doesn’t fit and is not its size!
I have an old coat I no longer wear,
that may be rather useful there!”

I accepted the coat, I did not know,
that it had be tailored in Saville Row!
It was only when I got it home,
t’was in a better state than my own!
It wouldn’t go to waste, there was no doubt,
the scarecrow would be going without!

Dedicated to the late Francis Tufton, a gentle and generous countryman.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale  returns for the twenty-second season on April 26th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Esmerelda, The Lost Hen of the Him-a-Layers!

Posted on April 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

We had a school party visit the farm yesterday. Unfortunately one of our resident hens had decided to go feral and refused to go into the hen house on Sunday evening. We feared the worst, expecting to find body parts, following the close attention of Mr Fox. However during the school visit there was a sudden clucking from unexpected quarters and Esmerelda the Escapologist made a grand entrance…

The Lost Hen of the Him-a-Layers,
Is hiding out of sight,
Ready to give schoolchildren,
Something of a fright!
She creeps up behind them,
And with a deep deep voice,
Says “I’m a Him-a-Layer,
To meet you is quite nice!”

She then runs around the corner,
And hides up once again,
She enjoys playing hide-and-seek,
She’s a game-playing kind of hen!
Next time she might wear a party hat,
And play a green Kazzoo,
And march around the farmyard,
Hoping to impress you!

There is only one little problem,
Eggs she’s supposed to lay,
They all end up scrambled,
‘Cos all she wants to do is play!

Remembering my Mother on Mother’s Day…

Posted on March 31, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day here in the UK…

I was thinking about how many people no longer had mothers to thank on ‘Mothers Day’.
I suddenly remembered with great clarity, the last time I saw my mother.
I was spending three months in County Cork while my wife did a cookery course at the world-famous Ballymaloe Cookery School.
My mother and father flew over for a week to visit. I showed them all around County Cork sharing the places I’d discovered. The week was soon over and it was time to see them off at the airport.
The departure gate at Cork Airport is upstairs in the terminal and I carried their case on the escalator. Then we parted at the gate.
On my way down the escalator I suddenly had this very clear vision that I’d never see my mother again. In vain I tried to climb the down escalator, having to resort to continuing to the bottom and then running up the one going up. When I reached the top needless to say they had disappeared from view.
Four weeks later my mother suffered a fatal stroke while tidying up her grandson’s grave. Although I saw her in the hospital back home just before she died, I still consider that my ‘true goodbye’ was at Cork Airport.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mum.

Your Son,

Baldock Bard.

The Chocolate Rabbits!

Posted on March 6, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was in Lidl the other day, marveling at the vast variety of random products they sell. I came across a large display of Easter Bunnies. How magnificent they looked in their gold and red, looking their best to attract customers. Then I noticed there were some that were hiding…

Twenty-nine golden chocolate rabbits,
Lining up in Lidl,
One of them is missing,
He’s hiding in the middle!

He’s come over all embarrassed,
Because he’s wrapped in blue,
If you were that colour,
What ever would you do?

But suddenly he understands,
No-one should he deride,
Because underneath the wrapper
They’re all the same inside!

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale is now closed for the winter
returning for the twenty-second season on April 26^th 2014
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

March 1st – St David’s Day

Posted on March 1, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Today is St David’s Day, the national day of Wales. It’s also the day when Welshmen all over the world wear a daffodil. There is also another symbol of Wales – the humble leek. Its origins as an emblem for the country go back to the time of St David himself…

St David was fighting Anglo Saxons,
Know as English plus other factions,
When suddenly he thought, right!
How can we identify who we fight?
So he gathered his army all around,
And said to them, “look what I’ve found!
Wear a leek from this allotment,
We’ll know who to spare and who is garrote-meant!”
As so up to this very day,
The Welsh have worn leaks on St David’s Day!

Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus!
or
Happy St David’s Day!

Percy – The Problematic Pensioner Pirate!

Posted on February 25, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was in a local supermarket recently when a pensioner on a mobility scooter wouldn’t let anyone pass in the aisle. I overheard a bystander call him an ‘effin pirate! The thought of a retired pirate riding an invalid scooter around his local supermarket had me enthralled…

Percy was a pirate,
Once sailed the Seven seas.
He now suffers tennis elbow,
And rheumatic knees!
When supermarket shopping,
Astride his faithful scooter,
If landlubbers blocked his path,
Be deafened by his hooter!

With a cry of oooooh and a shout of aaaaagh!
He rampaged around the aisles,
The oooooh came from his elbow,
The aaaaah came from his piles!
Now he has been banished,
Forced to ‘walk the plank’,
The supermarket’s now peaceful,
But there’s hell down at the bank!

Alex’s Good Luck Karma!

Posted on February 18, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

A friend’s son, Alex, is studying at a West-Country university. On Wednesday he is going for an interview to change his course and chosen career. He wants to be a nurse. I’m in awe of nurses as I am a medical wimp! I gag at the first sign of vomit and faint at the sight of blood. Anyone who decides to work to heal the sick gets my vote and best wishes…

If you are reading this on aircraft, boat or train,
Send Alex best wishes from your subconscious brain!
So let’s see if there’s,
Such a thing as Karma,
Something I believe in,
As I am a farmer!
I’m sure he’ll be successful without any fuss,
“Good Luck Alex from every one of us!”

A question for you – If in wishing luck to an actor you say “break a leg!” what do you say to someone who is a nurse? Answers please (on a postcard?!) to baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

In Memory of my Son, David

Posted on February 12, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I was unsure what to put his morning, 12^th of February. Eleven years ago Mrs Bard and I lost our son, David (pictured above surfing in North Wales) in a car crash while at university aged 22. This year his younger sister turned 30. The only thing that got us all through such a devastating loss was the love shown by friends. They show it still and this posting is as much for them as it is for David. I have chosen two verses about love by the same poet…

Katrina’s Sundial
Hours fly,
Flowers die:
New days,
New ways:
Pass by!
Love stays.

For Katrina’s Sundial
Time is too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love, time is  Eternity.

Henry Van Dyke, American author, academic and clergyman (1852 – 1933)

There are two things I’d like you to do today:

First of all I’d like you to give any teenager or young person that you know a simple piece of advice that may just end up saving their lives: If they are in a car and not happy with the way it is being driven or they suspect the driver may have been drinking or is stoned, say: “I think I’m going to be sick”. This may mean a long walk home, but it’s better than not reaching home at all.

Secondly I want you to ring, text, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, MSN (or better still the old-fashioned face to face), your child (or anyone who is very precious to you) and say two words: “Love You”. These are the last two words I ever said to my son. How I wish I could utter them again, so I’m asking you to do it. Not for me, not for David, but for you.

Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

At the Starting Gate with Chemmy Alcott!

Posted on February 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Politics aside, I really enjoy the Olympics and particularly the Winter Games. If I were to sum up my prowess with a couple of planks on my legs, I’d describe myself as ‘Gas mark 2’, sub-section ‘scared’! However when watching the Olympic racers I become a wizard on skis, bending and twisting with ease at every control gate. However this morning when I turned on the television having only just surfaced, I wasn’t ready to race with GB’s Chemmy Alcott on the Women’s Super-Combined Downhill…

I am in the starting hut,
Still wearing my pyjamas!
The starting bleeps are bleeping,
Most frightening of panoramas!
The camera shows the drop,
I’m not ready to go down there,
No coffee in my system,
I haven’t brushed my hair!
Chemmy’s off, she’s flying,
At times she’s in the air,
The speeds that she is reaching
I’m glad that I’m not there!
Phew! She’s reached the finishing line,
Without any injury.
Some say that women are weaker than men,
Here the weaker sex is me!
With thanks to the BBC for excellent coverage

and humble thanks to
Chemmy Alcott for showing such bravery and dedication over the years.
We are very proud of you.

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: People and Personalities