Matteo’s Big Meal!

Posted on August 27, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

We have an Italian friend called Matteo who is very fond of curry. A former junior cycling champion and pole vaulter, he is also very tall and according to his wife, takes a lot of filling! His Mama would be so disappointed at his reaction to one of her nation’s favourite dishes…

Matteo Simcockoni is hungry again,
He asks his wife what’s for tea?
She replies that due to his size,
He’d better just wait and see!

Though he repeats at differing times,
The answer remains as before:
“There’s only cannelloni to fill your bellyoni,
There’ll be plenty if you want some more!”

He wants to go down to the Indian,
Where they do a fine curry with sauce,
At the end of the day he’d rather just say:
“Could eat cart as well as the horse!”

“Very well dear’” he eventually said,
(For food his stomach did pine),
“I think you’re right and just for tonight,
Cannelloni would suit me just fine!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
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Crafty Decorators!

Posted on August 24, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

What do you do when you have some decorating to do and time is limited? You either use the Amish method where everyone gathers to ‘build a barn’ (in this case paint a room) or you look in your newsagents window…

Mrs Bard was onto my case:
“This room needs freshening up,
I know you’re busy doing farming,
Your excuses are winding me up!”

I looked in the newsagent’s window
Handwritten card – ‘that is the one!’
For all your quality painting:
You need us – Farver and Sun!

They arrived by car in the morning,
Picked up brushes really quite soon,
By lunchtime they’d finished the ceiling,
The whole room by late afternoon!

Stan liked his tea without sugar,
Fred liked coffee not tea.
Twenty-three mugs later,
They’d not even stopped for a pee!

Mrs Bard was over-excited,
“The colour suits the room well,
They’ve only used a third of the paint,
Tell me, what’s that very strange smell?”

With grateful thanks to Tony and Lexi for adding to our Amish Synchronized Painting Team, we’ll definitely call you again!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Uncle Bill’s Search

Posted on August 18, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Last week Bill Thomas died. For well over twenty years and up to his final breath he didn’t know if his only child, Jamie (now possibly in his mid-fifties), was alive or dead. Every avenue of searching had been exhausted and his death ended many years of unbelievable grief…

Uncle Bill died last week
Spent so much time trying to seek
His son he’d not seen for many a year
It’s horrific when loved-ones disappear
He’d exhausted all the normal routes
Salvation Army and men in suits,
And so last week he passed away
Not knowing if Jamie was alive that day

Phone, text or e-mail an offspring or special person today (or better still, say face to face along with a hug) these two simple words “LOVE YOU” in memory of Bill Thomas.
Please pass on this link so others may do so too:
http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=1071
Thank you.

250,000 people go missing each year in the UK.
The Salvation Army deserve all our thanks and support for their selfless work on our streets. www.salvationarmy.org
Missing People is a UK charity that provides a lifeline and supports families and friends. www.missingpeople.org

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Harvest Tin!

Posted on August 15, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Most of us try to do our ‘bit’, however small, to help others. Most of the time what we do goes un-noticed, but that’s just the way of the world. This makes those times you are thanked just a little more special. Yesterday morning I had a wonderful surprise…

Yesterday morning by the granary door,
I found a bright tin sat upon the floor,
The contents explained by a note on the lid,
To thank me so much for something I did!
Not being used to quite so much praise,
I opened the lid in rather a daze!
And there inside, to my day make,
An eye watering, beautiful, magnificent cake!
I couldn’t wait to just have a taste,
Despite the tight jeans encircling my waist!
A slice with my coffee, a slice with my lunch,
(I managed to share with the harvesting bunch!)
So thanks to you two for what was under that lid,
You’re welcome anytime, to repeat what you did!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Great Games!

Posted on August 13, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

There were those who suggested the country couldn’t afford it. Those who suggested the country was fatally ethnically divided. Those who suggested an embarrassingly low medal haul. They stayed away and their voices of doom were replaced by a massive roar as the Games became a stage of hope, faith and a showcase of all that is Great about Britain. We can, we did and we will…

The party is over,
Clearing up has begun,
The crowd has dispersed,
All the medals are won!

What will I remember,
When time has passed by?
All problems forgotten,
A view through dry eye!

I hope I remember,
That moment of love,
Gemma Gibbons whispered ‘love you,’
To her mother above.

Local girl Pendleton,
Made a heart with her hands.
Tearfully retired,
Thanked all her fans.

That euphoric moment,
When the nation went wild.
Mo Farrah’s double Gold,
Shared with wife and their child.

What of transport chaos?
Empty seats and the weather?
Our national sport – grumbling,
We then pull together!

The tower and the stadium,
Back-drop to the news.
We’re back to a studio,
Blank walls with no views.

And now Monday morning,
Back to life with a sneer.
We emerge from a triumph,
Did it really happen here?

Thanks to Alastair Pawsey and Maxwell Heron for permission to use their photographs

Gathering Pollen!

Posted on August 8, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I attended an interment in a pretty little Staffordshire churchyard. It seemed strange that everyday life hadn’t stopped for those around us…

The vicar intoned some solemn words as we stood around the grave. Heads bowed, umbrella handles firmly gripped, a rag-tag honour-guard for a much-loved wife, mother and friend.
Thoughts and memories skipped noisily between headstones like naughty children obliterating those final words of dust and ashes.
A quick glance at the surrounding countryside revealed a patchwork bedspread of distant crops awaiting harvest.
While here harvest is done.
All the while bumblebees enjoy the flowers of the Buddleia and life continues…

The Pendleton Post Box!

Posted on August 7, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

In a moment of genius the Post Office are gold-painting post boxes in the hometowns of Olympic Champions. The small town of Stotfold, near Baldock, has a new tourist attraction thanks to track cyclist Victoria Pendleton…

They’re over by the postbox
With camera and mobile phone
A famous cyclist comes from here
It’s Victoria Pendleton’s home!

It’s become a tourist attraction
Stotfold’s not had a rush before
It’s got a pleasant water mill
Traction Engines by the score!

If she wins the cycling sprint
There’s bound to be euphoria
Lets hope the gold doesn’t ever fade
For Stotfold’s ‘Queen Victoria’!

Baldock is quite jealous
There’s no-one there to win
The only thing that’s golden
Is a dirty road-salt bin!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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Telford Dave’s Games!

Posted on August 5, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

The Olympics have impacted on many people’s lives. For the last two weeks Dave from Telford has been at the Boot Sale. At first I thought he just happened to be on holiday ‘Down South’ but discovered that he is on a very different mission…

For the last two weeks ‘Telford Dave’ did appear
If it weren’t for the Olympics he wouldn’t be here
Not here for the swimming athletics or shootin’
But to spot the aircraft at Stansted and Luton!
Some of the plane’s numbers are incredibly rare
And that’s why he’s spending so much time there
He’s spotted Heads of State and some VIP’s
Some unique numbers have made him so pleased
To him an important time in his life
All thanks to his kids and most patient wife!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above 
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am! 
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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The Man with the Golden Gun!

Posted on August 3, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

Having never shined at sports I am envious of those who do. None more so than in sports I have tried. Missing clays with a twelve-bore gun is easy, hitting them consistently is something I’ve never even come within a country-mile of achieving. Peter Wilson, Gold medallist in the Twin-trap Shooting, you are remarkable …

Just when some were saying
It was over for Team GB
Not just one gold medal
Today they managed three!

I’ve no idea what it’s like
To sprint down a track
Or tackle swirling torrents
Team-mate at your back

Or hurtle round an oval
On two skinny wheels
Or win by a tenth of a second
I don’t know how it feels

But watching a young farmer
Shooting at the clays
I couldn’t have hit that number
Given six or seven days!

They are tricky little muckers
Seldom overrun
So Peter Wilson from Dorset
You’re the man with the Golden Gun!

Congratulations from fellow-farmer Baldock Bard!

Aurora!

Posted on July 24, 2012 by The Baldock Bard.

It’s been a bad week for Auroras. Few had heard of Aurora, Colorado before last weekend’s terrible shooting in a cinema. Possibly even fewer have seen the Aurora Borealis or Northern Lights (except in photographs). However one Aurora is fighting back! Aurora D is graduating from Southampton University today with a First. Her parents and all her friends are mighty proud of her. Go Aurora…

Aurora D is graduating today
Hip-hip-hip, hip-hip Hooray!
She will be throwing mortarboard in the air
Knowing hard work has got her there
For learning she always had a thirst
So we weren’t surprised she gained a ‘First’
Watch this Aurora set new trends
Congratulations to you from all your friends!
The Bard Family

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: People and Personalities