The Fridge Magnet!

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Yesterday in unseasonal bright summer sunshine a group of people met to say goodbye to a good friend, Marsya. There were many tears and much laughter as wonderful memories were shared. This morning the pouring rain has returned and the people have journeyed back, to work, on holiday an even a couple who are moving house. I was about to pen a verse about journeys when I thought of a fridge magnet I was given some years ago. So I offer you this as a thought…

Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over… it turned into a butterfly. Anon

Live, Love and Enjoy.
Baldock Bard 2012

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Shopping Trip!

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Yesterday Mrs Bard and I went shopping in the Marks and Spencer superstore in London Colney. With my mind firmly elsewhere I made a fool of myself…

I was calmly pushing my trolley in Marks
Mrs Bard and I shopping without any sparks
My mind had wandered don’t you know
When I stepped upon somebody’s toe
I turned around to apologise
Couldn’t really begin to believe my eyes
This lonely girl full of grace
Was all entire but had no face
Mrs Bard shouted: “It’s just not funny,
You’ve apologised to a shop floor dummy!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
With thanks to Marks and Spencer staff for being so helpful.

For the latest 10 verses click on ‘Home’ above
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!


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Marsya.

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When a close friend dies it can create a maelstrom in your life. Last week, Marsya Lennox – journalist, property writer, wife, mother, friend and much more besides lost her battle with cancer.
Writing about someone special is always difficult as it’s nigh on impossible to do them justice without at least 3,738 pages of text in Times New Roman 8 point. I have tried my best with the available space.
Some references will mean nothing to the casual reader e.g. ‘That private place’ is actually her bra, where she kept loose change, cigarettes, lighter and everything but the kitchen sink, much to the shock of new acquaintances!
I can only hope that I’ve done her some sort of justice and celebrated, with you, the life of a wonderfully warm human being.
So wherever you are in the world and whatever the colour of your skin, if you awoke this morning having had a better than expected nights sleep despite your worries, that will have been Mars, shouldering your concerns and covering your back as you slept. Just as she has done over the years for so many of us, who are so proud to be numbered amongst her many friends…

Parting is oh, such sweet sorrow,
You were here last week but not tomorrow.
Let me count the things that we shall miss
Your sense of humour, your wedded bliss.

Your caring touch that made things better,
A kindly word on screen or letter.
Your gravelly voice with mock outrage,
Considered words at centre stage.

Your dimpled cheeks, that wicked grin,
That private place you kept everything in!
Your newspaper column we used to read,
A dazzling appearance – perfection in tweed!

Your loving glance sideways at ‘your lads’,
Provoked some envy from other dads.
Your sense of friendship, oh so true,
But what we’ll miss most – simply – you.

Baldock Bard 2012

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Not Suitable!

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Have you ever been mistaken for someone else? The other night Mrs Bard and I were at a drinks party when an elderly lady mistook me for a ‘Z list’ television celebrity. I think she may have left her glasses at home…

A grandma approached me at a party,
And much to my surprise,
Looked me up and down,
Then cautiously advised:
“It’s you! I can’t believe it,
Just wait ‘till my friend is near.”
And without another word between us,
Shouted “Rene, come over here!”

“Rene, it’s that bloke I talked about,
Was on the telly last night,
The one that hosted that quiz show,
I know that I am right!”
I tried to protest my innocence,
Tell them I deserved no fame,
But she wouldn’t even hear of it:
“You stars are all the same!”

Rene said: “He’s not quite tall enough,
The glasses are not right,
His teeth are all so crooked,
Wasn’t on the telly last night!”
With that they turned to go,
She looked at me with distain,
“You’re not handsome enough for telly,
You pretenders are all the same!”

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

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We All Need Friends!

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Yesterday I was off-colour. You know the feeling: tired, grumpy, fed up, miserable and railing against the world. I was in Baldock and sought out an old friend that I hadn’t seen for a while. Afterwards my world changed to brown (fingers, mouth and teeth!). This is dedicated to all real friends who are always there in time of need …

If ever I feel depressed,
And life seems so unfair
I seek out an old friend
To help with my despair.

I go buy a chocolate bar,
I rip at the cover
I gobble up each morsel
I‘m a chocolate lover!

It doesn’t make me clever,
It won’t make me act ‘real hard’
It’s far to late for good looks
Just a fat happy Baldock Bard!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

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A Tight Fit!

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I suffer from Podophobia, commonly known as a fear of wearing new shoes. Until recently I couldn’t think where this rather strange condition came from. I was clearing out a cupboard and came across a dusty pair of brown brogues with a strange history and even stranger soles…

My Great-Uncle Stan used to live next door,
Had a car so clean you could have eaten off the floor.
When he died, my mum said with aplomb,
“These are brand new shoes, you must just try them on!”
In those days (I wasn’t very old),
I always did as I was told!
I laced them up and although they felt tight,
Something about them definitely wasn’t right.
I thought ‘I will persevere, I really am no wimp,’
I seemed to have got myself a rather bad limp!
“Those are so wonderful,” chirped my mother,
Shame one of Uncle’s legs was shorter than the other!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

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Top Trumped!

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Are you are old/young enough to remember the playground game of Top Trumps? It involved a set of cards that displayed groups of items (in my case cars!) that all had values. My poor selection (normally Morris 1000 or worse) was always top trumped by my friends (Jaguar or better). Plus ca change this week…

I was in Lloyds Bank yesterday morning,
Was standing in the queue,
When I spied a cardboard cut-out,
And thought to impress you.

I sidled up as cool as I could,
Line of customers in full view,
And took a photo bold as brass,
Thinking smugly ‘That’ll do!’

The Olympic Torch in cardboard,
Complete with impressive flame,
I thought I’d print it out later,
And play a little game!

I didn’t bargain for Matthew Hanson,
A cunning player is he,
Topped trumped me with the real torch,
Was on Facebook before tea!
TOP-TRUMP HANSON!

LLOYDS BANK ARE PROUD SPONSORS OF THE OLYMPIC TORCH
© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

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Maxi Memories!

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It’s strange how certain objects can trigger memories. In a car park the other day saw a car I hadn’t seen for many years. A favourite with mums up and down the country, I had assumed they had all quietly rusted away…

Colin’s mum had an Austin Maxi,
Used it as a school run taxi.
Cloth-covered seats and plastic trim,
Slight smell of exhaust from within.
His sister Sue didn’t travel well,
So the car always had a sickly smell.
The radio-cassette was always fun,
Tuned to Blackburn on Radio One.
Colin’s mum smoked Marlboro red,
He stole to smoke behind the shed!
When at last we reached the school,
Colin would always play the fool.
He always spoke with words profane,
A constant target for headmaster’s cane.

One sad day I waited in vain,
They had gone, never seen again.
So here’s to you, Colin and Sue,
When I saw the Maxi I thought of you.

 © Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues today!

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Americans Discover British Weather!

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The son and daughter-in-law of friends from Los Angeles came to stay. They left the Bard household to visit relatives all over the UK, returning to stay on the eve of departure. It’s always fun making new friends. One can only hope they recover from the meteorological shock…

Ed and Meghan came to stay,
On a whistle-stop tour from the USA,
They bookended their tour with a couple of nights,
At ‘Baldock Bard Towers’ between their flights.
We did our best to facilitate,
A meeting with the ‘Queen’ and ‘William and Kate!’
Meghan’s an artist, she works with light,
She’s now seen rain, morning, noon and night!
If on return to the States they look pale,
They never got to visit a car boot sale,
So there’s no excuse (despite the rain),
They’ll just have to visit Baldock again!

We took them to Stevenage (5am train),
So they wouldn’t miss Heathrow (10am plane),
Having waved ‘goodbye’ to Meghan and Ed,
Mrs Bard and I sneaked home to bed!

© Baldock Bard 2012

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

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BootLine: 07852 707 074
Baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk
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In Memory of Grandma Rose!

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Of all the characters to come to the boot sale over the years, none was more eccentric than Grandma Rose. She didn’t give a fig for how she dressed, behaved or looked. This is for her, wherever she may be…

An old grandma, her name was Rose,
Came to the boot sale to buy her clothes,
She wore orange, red and green,
The weirdest outfits ever seen!

She drove about in her old Morris Minor,
“Wonderful car there’s none finer!”
In town she parked where she wanted to stop,
Right outside her chosen shop!

Her kids were worried to despair,
She’d even taken to purple hair,
Where was her money? She’s never said,
I bet it was in fifties under the bed!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday!

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BootLine: 07852 707 074

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