Category Archives: People and Personalities

The Two Carpenters!

Posted on by
Share

Have you ever delayed household repairs despite the irritation they cause? Mrs Bard had warned me that ultimatum time was nigh. So I called in Alex the carpenter and his apprentice Alfie to cure a pair of doors that needed a kick to open …

Alex is a carpenter,
Alfie gives him a hand,
They came to us to fix a door,
A useful two-man-band!

Alex had tea with milk,
Alfie wanted none,
Alex refused a biscuit,
Alfie a currant bun!

Alfie watched intensely,
Didn’t miss a trick,
Next time I recon he’ll do the job,
He’s certainly not thick!

The door was off its hinges,
Both sides went to the plane,
Bolt-holes lined with grease,
The door put back again!

Now the door shuts with ease,
As smooth as smooth can be,
They tidied up their tools
Refused another tea!

Alfie sat silently,
Not even a monologue,
But there again I suppose,
He’s just a Carpenters dog!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 70 70 74

Share

Back to Work (Jubilee pt6)

Posted on by
Share

There has been a real buzz on the streets during the last four days. Even non-royalists have joined in a nation-wide party that has transcended economic hardship. The importance of having a non-elected head of state has never been so obvious as we are surrounded by the utter incompetence of our elected politicians. No wonder Europe is ‘dans la merde,’ lacking as they do, any sort of continuity in leadership.

Oh! What a weekend,
Oh! What a show!
Now it’s Wednesday,
Back to work we go!

The morning rush-hour,
Didn’t seem so bad,
Still on a high,
From the party we had!

I worked so hard,
It made the boss look!
He didn’t realise,
I was on Facebook!

I posted pictures,
Our street party caper,
Soggy decorations,
Made from soggy paper!

What a shame,
It had to end,
Thank-You Your Majesty,
For a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2012
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share

River Launch (Jubilee pt5)

Posted on by
Share

I spent my Bank Holiday on a friends boat,
I learnt that my I-phone doesn’t ever float,
And oh! Did people laugh and grin,
When I slipped with a splash and fell in!

A stand-in for the queen was saluted,
As boats sailed past some even hooted,
Standing on the bank I shouted ‘Hooray!’
And fell in for a second time that day!

Thankfully the photos will never be seen,
Of me falling in the river in front of the ‘Queen’,
Mrs Bard says I’m really just a pain,
She says There’s no way I’ll boat with her again!
Copyright Baldock Bard 2012

20120605-195009.jpg

Share

Yesterday’s Bells! (Jubilee pt4)

Posted on by
Share

20120604-125137.jpg
Watching the thousand boat river procession yesterday I was impressed by the floating bell tower. For me it was so British, it’s naked frame hinting not only at our industrial past but also of a new and exciting future (however I have been known to be wrong in the past!)

Has anyone wondered what they will do,
With the Jubilee Bells now that they’re through?
Will they languish somewhere alone and forgotten?
Until the supports are rusty and rotten.
Will they end up in a government store?
Sold off for scrap in Twenty-Twenty-Four.
Or perhaps they’ll be saved in their open frame,
So on great occasions they’ll ring out again.

copyright Baldock Bard 2012

Share

At the Boot Sale! (Jubilee pt2)

Posted on by
Share

What do you do with a full-size cardboard cut-out when it’s drizzling with rain? Simple – you put it in the car along with the famous ‘Rat-nav’!
Made people look,
Made people stare,
Made people think…
That the Queen was there!
© Baldock Bard

 

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

 

Share

Jubilee at Baldock! (Jubilee pt1)

Posted on by
Share

The Jubilee Weekend has started with typical British summer weather – it’s raining crowns and sceptres. However our spirits won’t be dampened, so it’s on with the stiff upper lips and let the celebrations begin…

The Queen will be busy this weekend
,
There will be cheering and playing by bands.
Wherever she goes, a tune that she knows,
Will be played whenever she stands.

She never sees a weed in her garden
,
Or puts out the Royal Wheelie Bin,
She never goes out, for a ‘quick half of stout’
Or eats food that comes from a tin
.

One doesn’t do Asda with ‘hubby,’
It’s certainly not royal or serene,
Can you imagine the Duke with a trolley?
“And what shall we have tonight Queen?”

If Her Majesty gets fed up with reigning
,
Or hard times should ever prevail
,
We’d offer her (in exchange for a ‘Sir’?)
,
A pitch at One’s ‘Royal’ car boot sale!
© Baldock Bard

 

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share

Dave from Autoglass!

Posted on by
Share

Very often employees from large companies can show a less than caring side. However I must praise Autoglass (Bedford Branch) who sent us Dave to repair our old Toyota’s windscreen. He was a wonderful ambassador for the company and a joy to meet (and he did a fantastic job)…

Edna (that’s our old Toyota)
Was in need of a new windscreen
There was a large stone chip in the middle
And the edges were cloudy not clean!

I rang up the people from Autoglass,
Dave came out before noon,
He was remarkably quick and skillful,
And replaced the glass very soon.

Now I know he was in front of a customer,
And had to be nice and polite,
But if all the fitters are like Dave,
Autoglass are doing everything right!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share

The Home-Holiday!

Posted on by
Share

According to the latest survey by Boot-poll for this weeks Bootnews, home-holidays (or staycations) are growing in popularity. This is particularly true amongst the retired generation who are turning their backs on Benidorm for the more reassuring Brighton, Bridlington or Blackpool…

Fred and May have been away,
Last week as the temperatures soared,
They both look tanned and healthy,
Because they always go abroad!

I saw them at the boot sale,
They had a shock in store,
Yes! They’d been on holiday,
But they’d stayed on Britain’s shore.

They didn’t change their money,
No need to learn the lingo,
No runny-tummy-upsets,
Just fish and chips and bingo!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share

A Very Naughty Dog!

Posted on by
Share

Some friends came to stay at the weekend bringing their two children and their dog: all very well behaved until it came time to leave. The children and husband got straight into the car when told to, but their dog decided to play up. The more frustrated the mother became, the more the dog stayed just out of reach…

It had been a  sunny and pleasant weekend,
Everyone had enjoyed their time no end,
But now when it came time to leave,
Purdey the Lurcher disagreed.

She dodged to the left,
She dodged to the right,
Ran round in circles,
Ran out of sight.

Mother and dog have been to be trained,
As the dog misbehaved tempers were strained,
“That dog is so clever”, grinned a spectator,
“It goes round in circles like a rotator!”

“Get into the car,” shouted the mother,
(Daughter leapt in along with her brother),
“We’re leaving now, to avoid the fog,
Looks like you now own a very bad dog!”

The husband remarked: “this is for real!”
Calmly got out from behind the wheel,
“Sit there Purdey” there was no plead,
And calmly attached the dogs leather lead!

The dog was caught, the panic removed,
To make enough space luggage was moved,
And so they left, the dog in disgrace,
Grinning through the back window, a ‘not sorry’ face!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share

Bad Breath!

Posted on by
Share

While looking for a stock photo for the website I suddenly realised that I hadn’t seen one of my regular buyers for a couple of years. I asked around. This is his tale although I have changed his name to protect the guilty…

Pete’s got a hangover,
Been out on the ale.
The following morning,
To the boot sale.

Pete feels a bit sick,
Pete’s looking pale.
He’s keeping quiet,
At the boot sale.

Pete’s in a stupor,
Pete looks at stalls,
Purchased three spanners,
And two power tools.

Pete’s had enough,
He’s walked and fed,
Feeling quite fragile,
Pete’s off home to bed!

Pete crashed his car,
The police were called,
In front of the magistrate,
Pete was now hauled.

Pete is now banned,
“Breathalyzer lied”
Pete’s very lucky,
Nobody died.

Pete’s disappeared,
Not seen at all,
Being a drunk driver,
Is really not cool.

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

Share